Um, so for some reason basically rejected my formatting. Here's a (hopefully) better reupload. Hope someone enjoys. Thanks for reading.
Heartbreak. A common and expected truth for most youths. In an attempt to find their happy endings teenagers seek others. In doing so however, they risk themselves to the possibility of hurt. Full of 'youthful' vigor and assured of their own invincibility teenagers fall victim to a mixture of their own hormones and the surrounding peer pressure. Thus, without a care, hearts are broken over and over again. A cycle of anguish and desperate hope that breaks down the unfortunate and scarring the survivors.
As a loner myself, I Hikigaya Hachiman, vowed to never once again let myself lose myself to delusions of love. Having done so once before with disastrous results, I had already steeled my heart. My heart, once so fragile, is stronger now. Yet, in exchange, I am scarred. Consequently,I had promised myself in the end to never again allow my heart to fill with the idiotic hope of romance. I am a Monster Of Logic. Or at least I was.
Looking back, I would like to say I was surprised. That, when things inevitably came to a head I was unprepared for it. Yet that would be a lie. I knew of course. I knew about it all. I just decided to bury my head in the ground. To keep a fragile semblance of something that I cherished. Rather than confront the reality of it. I allowed myself to believe that everyone would simply be content with the status quo. That, despite the way that things occurred, at least one thing would remain constant.
It was foolish to say the least. From the very start, something so ingenuous at the very core could never truly last. Had I not said so before? Had I not seen the very truth of my words occur as Hayama's cliche begin to drift and break apart without the glue to hold it together? A group that seemed content on the surface broke down due to the underlying tension underneath the facade. A group that broke down when the status quo refused to change. I should've said something then. Perhaps then things could have gone differently.
Looking up at the sky I could only sigh. With the sunset bathing the world amber, I watched the clouds. I had stalled for all I could and tried to think of how things could have gotten to this point. I had tried to run away once again. Yet in the end, the only thing left that I could do was walk forward. They had erased any other option. To run was to deny what he had wanted for so long. To run was to deny a chance at something genuine.
Looking at my phone I saw that it was nearly time. Steeling myself one last time I stood from the bench I had sat at for so long now and began to move. The park, almost completely empty, was relatively small. Any other time I might have used that as an excuse to slow down and be late. Yet in this moment I knew that if I slowed down I might falter. That perhaps, given even the slightest of chances, I would run the other way. Thus, I maintained my brisk pace. I kept my eyes forward, glaring straight ahead so as to avoid any distraction.
Coming up to the central plaza I saw them. My heartbeat quickening thoughts of escaping began to fill my mind. Yet, as one of them spotted me and waved such thoughts quickly left me. This was something unavoidable. After all, this was all for my own selfish desire for something genuine. The reason why they and I had gathered was simply for the sake of being genuine with each other.
As I grew closer my footsteps seemed heavier and heavier until I finally stood in front of them. Coming to a stop I look at their faces hoping to gauge their reactions. Despite the somberness of this all, it seems for some reason that Yuigahama can still smile. Tearing my eyes away from her as my heart clenches I glance towards the person standing there. Yukinoshita, as expected is glari-... huh? Rather than glaring she too is smiling. Bewildered I look at the others. They too are smiling.
"Hmm? Hikki, what's wrong?" Yuigahama says as she takes in my shocked appearance. She leans forward as if to inspect me with her smile turning into a frown.
"Is something the matter Hikigaya?" Yukinoshita says as well. Her eyes narrow and look me up and down.
"N-nothing. Nothing's wrong." I say with a just a hint of nervousness. Despite my stutter I manage to regain my cool. I look them in the eye stone faced now.
"Hikki you don't have to lie to us. It's fine." says Yuigahama in an effort to reassure me. "I know that this is hard. It's hard on all of us."
"Yeah Senpai. Don't you know? This isn't something so simple. We really had to talk things out, you knoooow?" responds Iroha as well. Despite her mischievous tone, there's a seriousness to her that I've only seen a handful of times before.
Wait. What did they mean by talk things out? Confused on what Iroha was talking about I opened my mouth to ask. However, Yukinoshita beat me to the punch.
"You asked us for something genuine Hiki-... no, Ha-Hachiman. You said that things could not stay the same did you not?" asked Yukinoshita. Nodding my head I could only listen. "Thus things came to a head. All of us agreed to break the status quo. Yet in order to do that we had to reaffirm who we were to each other. More than club members yet less than friends. That's what you called us. But I couldn't accept that. None of us could. That's why we decided to change things. Hikigaya Hachiman..." Yukinoshita said trailing off with a redness to her cheeks that seemed to light her face up.
Seeing such a sight I remembered once again the why and how of this situation. After seeing Hayama's cliche break I knew that no matter what so too would the Service Club. And with that dissolution so too would all the bonds I had made. Thus, I made a request. And an ultimatum. I asked not for help reaching something genuine but rather something much more sublime. For me and those around me to be genuine with each other.
I knew what I was asking back then. I knew what my words entailed. Rather than ignore the reality of our feelings I wanted the truth. Without moving forward we could only follow a path of heartbreak. With that knowledge I steeled myself for today. In order to lessen their scars I would have to break their hearts gently. Even still, I nearly ran away as the time came closer. Yet, here I stood. Looking at these 5 girls in front of me ready to bear their hearts how could do anything less than sincerely reject them. As they seemed to prepare in unison I prepared my own response.
"We like you. Please go out with us." they said to me. With the sun nearly completely set, twilight seemed eminent. Looking ahead right at them I opened my mouth and spoke.
