Secrets
Just a heads up there are a few swear words in this fic, so if you don't like that stuff don't read this. Also, this wasn't really a big project - just something to get me used to writing fanfictions and stuff, so don't expect a big, massive climactic ending.
Kyle sighed and looked at his lunch, Quorn dippers and fries. Bland, but the best thing to order, well, best in his opinion.
"Well, it was so funny you guys, I crashed Craig and Tweek together and tried to get Craig to do the coffee pickup line."
Kyle sighed, heavier this time, and looked at Cartman. That asswipe. He didn't deserve anything, thought Kyle, what an arrogant arse.
"No, Cartman, no-one here finds it funny." Stan said, his voice unusually gravely. Kyle noticed this, he noticed most things about Stan and Kenny. His parents always told him he was observant, although Kyle never really understood if that was a compliment or an insult. Knowing his parents, though, it was most likely something to boost his confidence. They did that a lot. 'Oh Kyle, you're so smart' 'Kyle you're so funny' 'You might be a lawyer someday, like me!'. God, if there was anything Kyle wanted to be it was a lawyer with his dad. He always talked about it like it was his dream. Broflovski and Sons.
"Why not? It's fucking hilarious." Replied Cartman, spitting his burger on the table. Kyle instinctively wiped the tiny bits off the table.
"Thanks, Jew"
Kyle growled at him, Cartman just gave a smirk which just angered Kyle more.
"Listen Cartman, screwing with someone's relationship is not a joke, ok?" Stan spoke defensively this time.
"What are you, their guardian?"
"No, I just have a sense of morality, unlike you."
"Kewl," Kyle cringed. Cartman's dumb accent was bound to make him cringe nearly every day "I don't want one anyway, who wants to care about feelings?"
Stan stood up.
"Leaving already? Alright, see ya, gayboy."
Stan sent a ray of hate towards Cartman. Stan did that often, although Cartman never really hated Stan much when he did get on Stan's nerves it never ended pretty. Kyle stood up as soon as Stan stood up and walked over to the bins with him. The pair threw their food away and began making their way out of the cafeteria. As they did Stan began to speak.
"Jesus, Cartman is such an inconsiderable dick."
"You can say that again."
"Jesus, Cartman is such an inconsiderable dick."
Kyle turned to Stan, he was chuckling. Kyle thought Stan's jokes were pretty crap by themselves but add such a cliché thing like: 'Cartman is not a nice person' in there and you got yourself a grade A dad joke.
"Not in a jokey mood today, Kyle?"
"Never am." Stan laughed at this remark
"Kyle, Cartman is the only one who can't take a joke."
"True."
The rest of that day went on as usual, Kyle knew the old routine, and by the end he was slightly less bored than when he started. He had to pay attention in class though, A's were important. He knew that from a very young age.
Cartman waddled through his front door and threw his bag at his mom who was sat on the couch. He then made his way up to his room and sat at his computer. On he logged and soon he was skewering the web for 'dirt' on other people in his class. Cartman had taken into his own account that if he exposed everyone else's flaws he would be impenetrable. He did, though, add his own 'flaws' just to make it even and catch out Kyle. Not that they were actually flaws of Cartman's.
Come night time that day Cartman was about ready to go to bed. He heard his mom's feet pattering up the stairs and he closed every tab quickly before jumping off his chair.
"Eric? Beddy-byes!"
"Yeah, I know mom! I'm already ready."
"Oh, ok Eric. Nighty night."
He waited until he heard his mom enter her bedroom, locked the door and produced that ever so familiar constant whir. Cartman wondered why it always made that annoying sound, but he wouldn't question it tonight – he had a mission. He opened his closet and grabbed the hanging clothes. Tight black jogging bottoms and black jacket. He also grabbed a small round metal pot and flicked off the top, black face-paint. He ran his fingers through it and smeared it all over his face. It was time.
Stan lay in his bed, slowly tapping away at his phone scrolling the internet. He was so bored. He usually thought life was boring. 'I wake up just to go back to sleep' was his, motto, if you could call it that. It was more like a philosophy more than anything.
From his window a slow tap began to emerge. Stan stared at his window, confused. The last person to come over was Kyle. Wait, was it Kyle? He jumped out of his bed frantically, stumbling on the floor, and ran to the window. He flicked the two handles to the side and swung open the glass panes, cold air whooshed in. Down he looked to the ground and saw a familiar face, Kenny.
"Dude!" Stan shouted down. He was confused but wasn't going to question Kenny. Kenny shouted something back up, but Stan didn't hear too well. He went back into his room and grabbed his brown jacket off the ground, leaving his red scarf on his bedside table. He slipped on his jacket and clambered into the windowsill. Across he jumped to the tree just outside his window, he stuck his landing and quickly lowered himself down to the ground with a thud.
He and Kenny stood in the back yard, Stan confused, Kenny stressed. Stan saw this.
"You alright Kenny?"
"No." Stan seemed kind of shocked. It wasn't normal for Kenny to seem distressed, but if he was usually like this he didn't show it to Stan.
"What's the matter?"
"Cartman's digging up dirt on everyone." Stan repulsed at the idea. Imagining Cartman knowing his secrets was hell. Still quite confused he tried to explore more of what was happening.
"What do you mean?"
"Everything remotely bad about you is about to be published in school. On Monday." He was serious. Stan knew this.
