"Relief exists I find it when...I am cut"

~'Cut' by Plumb

Lying here, I feel cheated. I can't move, can't breathe at the thought of her not being here. I just can't bring myself to believe it. She's gone. Gone forever, to nothingness, there is no heaven or hell awaiting her. Just the nothing that is eternity. Burned, burned by the fire- what she must have felt in those last few seconds as her life ebbed away. The pain, the rage, the fear… the helplessness.

She couldn't escape it, couldn't escape the flames as they scorched her body, licking her skin raw. Her death wasn't quick but slow. So painfully slow that it must have felt like eternity, an eternity of torture. No doubt she would've screamed, call my name, call anyone's name but no one would answer her pleas- not even God would listen to her cries for mercy. She called for me and I couldn't reply.

I couldn't… I couldn't take away the pain, silence her screams with my mouth and wipe away her tears. Couldn't enfold her in my arms and protect her. I just couldn't… I tried… but the doors… the doors burned my hands… the glass exploded and the shattered remnants poured as acid rain. I tried so desperately to find and entrance but the building had begun to fold in on it self.

I tried so hard but failed but I tried; he didn't. He did nothing… he left her for dead in that godforsaken church. He didn't try to help, only to search for her burnt out corpse when the fire had died. There was no body, nothing left but the burnt outline of the church. Nothing could have survived the fire but she could've been saved. If I had gotten their quicker or if he had tried; love, he knows nothing of love- if he loved her he would have tried. Instead of standing there watching the bonfire sparks light up the midnight sky. Black eyes dead to the world; I know he sensed her pleas.

Her silent pleas, the raging agony, the smell of burning flesh were what made up her last few moments. They haunt my thoughts, won't let me forget what happened. She's dead yet her shattered remnants remain…still linger in my every waking thought. Piercing my heart and slicing my being so I bleed. So weak I lie here and can only think of her in the silence and darkness.

My dead love… Katherine.