Title: Death by tears
Author: Subarru (AKA Mylene) Mylene_21@hotmail.com
Date started: June 16, 2001
Date finished: June 18, 2001
Warnings: Yaoi, Yuri, Character Death, AU... altogether depressing.
Pairings(& ages): Ken(17) x Daisuke(16); Daisuke(16) x Hikari(16)(sort of);
Takeru(16) x Hikari(16)(sort of); Yamato(approx.23) x Taichi(approx.23);
Koushiro(approx.23) x Mimi(approx.23); Sora(approx.23) x Original female
character(21)

AN: Okay, this is set when they are in high school, its like American high
school though, they go to the one in their hometown. I'm from a tiny town
in California and have no idea what high schools are like over there ^_^;
Anyways, Hikari realizes she has feelings for Daisuke and catches him and
Ken in the middle of... questionable things. I don't want to give it away,
but all I'll say is two characters die. So if you're not in the mood for
something depressing... well then, shoo.

Oh yeah...

Disclaimer: I don't own Hikari or Tk, (thank the gods for small favors)
I don't own Daisuke, I own Ken *long pause* Okay, okay I don't own Ken. T_T
Sadly they all belong to Saban and blah blah blah and all that stuff.
Most people into this sort of fiction KNOW who it belongs to, anyway.
So, on with the sadness!

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DEATH BY TEARS


What's wrong? Haven't you ever seen him cry before? No, of course you
haven't... you were never the one to put all your cards on the table.
Not with these kinds of emotions. You wanted to show us all that you
could do everything the boys could. Never wanting to show weakness...
or want to see someone on your team's weakness. When you did see their...
our weaknesses... you looked upon us not with a critical eye, but with an
understanding compassionate one. Loving your team of destined friends.
I was on your team wasn't I? I was... I was on your side. No matter how
much you hated me. He wanted me there, so I stayed. You cared for him...
you never came out and said it until the end, but you did. And he wanted
me... not you, like we all originally thought. You always expected him to
be showing off for you... not me; and you always wanted to be his shoulder
to cry on. The tears are flowing unbidden, soaking my long-sleeved shirt.
Why should he bother to wipe them away? More will come. I stand here, dry
eyed. Always the composed one. How appropriate that it should be a cold,
rainy day. A cold, rainy day on the day of your funeral. Yesterday,
you died... you died because of us... because of something we wanted...
and acted upon. You died because we were happy. And you died because
he wanted me. You died because it wasn't you receiving those sweet,
sweet kisses.

You died... you died.

I will remember those last few days for the rest of my life. And I will
remember the look on your face when we were... and I will always remember
your sweet and loving nature and... and...


(Switch to 3rd person POV, flashback)

Hikari Yagami sat at her desk, annoyed with Daisuke's attempts to get her
attention. He had made a big sign and taped it to the front doors of the
school before school hours, so everyone coming in would see it. It said:

Daisuke Motomiya + Hikari Yagami
~~~~~~~Forever~~~~~~~

She had come into school late, seeing it AFTER everyone else had.

"DAISUKE!" she had screamed, ripping it up and throwing it into the trash
can. She had stalked into the office, and gotten weird looks from all the
teachers as they gave her a late slip. Then she stalked into class, blushing
and given the teacher her little slip of green paper. Everyone had whispered
about her... everyone. Then she sat down in front of a certain spiky haired
boy and shot daggers at all her classmates. Thank god Takeru is absent
today, she'd thought.

"Did you see it?" Daisuke whispered. The teacher saw them talking, but
allowed them the time, Hikari was obviously mad and the rest of the class
was just reading... well, that's what she had told them to do, but they
were all talking about Those two, Motomiya and Yagami. And why not?

"Yes I saw it!" Hikari snapped. "What the hell were you thinking?!" Daisuke
looked confused.

"I wanted you to see how much I care for you." She glared at him and turned
around.

"All I'll say is thank the gods TK was absent today." She heard
Daisuke's "Ch, I'm glad he left..." then turned around quickly.
"What do you mean "left"?" He looked away, his expression angry and
annoyed.

"He came to school then threw up. He left right before the bell rang."
She frowned.

"Then... he saw the sign?" Daisuke nodded, a little smirk on his face.

"Yeah, he saw it." She glared at him.

"you can be such an ass, Daisuke." He looked at her, shocked.

"What would Taichi-san think if her heard you talking like that?"
She rolled her eyes.

"I don't CARE what he would think." There was no further conversation
between them that entire day.

That hurt... Daisuke thought. But, I expected her to be mad... some part
of me did at least. I expected her to scream and yell and tell me she
never wants to see me again. But oh Hikari, wonderful, sweet,
loving, caring, hurting wait, where did that come from? She IS hurting me...
but I... I love her... don't I?

After school , Hikari walked to Takeru's apartment. She knocked on the door
and he answered, looking pale.

"Hi.. Hikari-san..." (Author's note: Not hi as in "hello" hi as in
"hee" like the start of her name.) She looked at him, finding it hard to
smile into the dull, once sparkling eyes. "What are you doing here? I
thought you would be with-..." He stopped short and silence reigned for
a moment. They stood staring at each other until she finally looked down.
"Look, Hikari-san, if you are not going to say anything, I would prefer
going back to bed, I'm ill." She said nothing, hurt by his curt tone.
They stood for a moment, then she threw her arms around his neck.

"Takeru-chan... I... I'm so sorry." She said hugging him. He didn't
hug her back, sensing that it wasn't the kind of hug he wanted. He wanted
the hug that said "I love you, hold me forever" not "I'm sorry, let's
be friends" like it was now. She pulled herself from him and looked
into his eyes. "I have known you for a long time," she said. "And I know
you want more to our relationship... but I don't. I just want to be your
best, childhood friend. Not... your girlfriend." He sighed.

"No, Of course you don't. You want to be with Dai. He seems to be showing
you affection... why have you never responded to his displays of love? Why
have you led me to believe that I may have a chance to be with you... to
love you?" Tears welled up in her eyes and she looked down, not wanting to
stare into those hurt orbs that she had always loved. They were like his
brother's.

"I didn't mean to..." She looked down, starting to cry.

"Oh, well that makes it all better doesn't it?" His sarcasm hurt her
more than his tone had before.

"I just wasn't ready to accept my feelings for him...and I needed a safe
house. You were my safe house... someone I could love if I decided I didn't
love him. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." He looked down,
angry but still very hurt.

"Well, now that you have acknowledged these feelings for him... act. Don't
just sit around, waiting for him to fall in love with someone else. Now go,
Hikari. I never wanted to be your "safe house" and I don't now. Leave." He
slammed the door, leaving her there in the hallway of his apartment
building, sobbing against the cool wood.



Yesterday, she thought, yesterday I realized how much I love him. But I
can't say it yet... he still thinks I'm mad at him for the sign. That
sign... how sweet. I wish I would have saved a little bit of it.
Yesterday... yesterday Takeru had all but said he hated me. Yesterday...
so much had happened. Ken came in, eyeing the class critically.

"Hai, Ichijouji-san?" The teacher looked at him. He glanced at Daisuke
once before turning to the teacher then turning right back to Daisuke.
Then back at the teacher. Beautiful, so beautiful, he is. He thought,
handing the teacher a small piece of pink paper. "Yagami Hikari and
Motomiya Daisuke will be leaving with Ichijouji Ken for the rest of the
day. Important business." She read aloud. Daisuke and Hikari stood,
collecting their things. They left, Ken walking in front of them. As they
exited the school, Daisuke stepped before Ken, demanding to know what
was going on and why they had to miss school.

"Not that I'm not grateful... I just... want to know." He finished lamely.
Hikari smiled at Dai before looking at Ken. She noticed he was looking at
Daisuke too... he was looking a bit too intensely if you were to ask her.

"Daisuke... Hikari... I took you out because Takeru's been in an accident
and he asked me to bring you to him. I was surprised that he called me,
but when I spoke to Yamato, I understood why." He eyed Hikari for a moment
critically. She averted her own eyes.

"What kind of accident?!" Daisuke was asking.

"A car accident." A gasp emitted from both of them. "He had taken a
dangerous amount of sleeping pills and muscle relaxers. He had a few drinks
then got into his car. He was hardly buzzed from the alcohol, but it was
the pills. He had a heart attack and smashed into the fence by Hokushu
field." Hikari looked down, feeling guilty. Daisuke roughly rubbed his eyes.

"Is... Is he okay? I mean, I know he lived.. other wise he wouldn't be
able to call you but, will he be okay?" Ken shrugged helplessly.

"I'm not sure. he's had his stomach pumped but most of it was already
soaked into his system. Let's go now, you have your car Hikari? I know
Dai has his SUV and I have mine but..." She shook her head.

"Yeah, I drove my brother's BMW today." They got into their respective
cars and drove to the hospital. Hikari drowned out her sobs with
Beethoven's fifth Symphony, Daisuke with Freak On a Leash (Korn).
Such differences were never thought of. Only thoughts of their almost
gone friend. Ken, on the other hand, listened to no music... he only
thought of Daisuke. Looking at him through his rearview mirror. The
other boy was leaning on his arm which was propped up in the window sill.
Glistening tears fell down onto his striped shirt. Ken desperately wanted
to kiss those tears away but, the light was green and he couldn't very
well sit and day dream about his love forever. They all reached the
hospital at pretty much the same time. Hikari quickly put on her
sunglasses and Daisuke rubbed his eyes, wanting the tears to stop.
Ken walked beside Daisuke, behind Hikari. She sniffled and tried not
to whimper too loudly as Ken and Dai approached the front desk. The
receptionist told them that the room of Takaishi, Takeru was on the second
floor, third from the left. Room 26. They slowly reached his door and
found Yamato sitting outside in a hard hospital chair, his face in his hands. Taichi sat next to him, rubbing his back and whispering comforting words. He saw the three and smiled sadly.

"He's awake." He whispered. Yamato didn't even look up as they entered,
hating the uncomfortably sterile place. Takeru was staring out the window,
looking depressed beyond expression. He suddenly looked up at them and
tried to smile.

"Hey guys." He whispered. Hikari took off her sunglasses and rubbed her
eyes. "Um... Ken, could you take Hikari to the bathroom to wash her face
with cold water? I want to talk to Daisuke alone for a moment." Ken nodded,
putting his arm around Hikari and leading her out of the room. Once they
were gone, Takeru looked at Daisuke.

"Hey, man. What's up?" Dai asked. He was obviously attempting to sound
casual.

"Don't do that. Don't try to act like this isn't a big deal. The only thing
I want you to do, is answer me." Daisuke took his friend's hand.

"Anything." Takeru looked deep into his eyes.

"Do you love Hikari?" His eyes said no, and that was all Takeru needed,
but he wanted to hear it come from his actual mouth. Daisuke seemed to be
having a mental struggle with what to say. He finally came to a decision.

"I... I thought I did..." He said, slowly. TK made a sound sort of like
an exasperated/hurt/bitter laughing sigh.

"You thought you did.. and now she thinks you do too. She will tell you
she loves you, Dai-chan." Daisuke looked upset. "And you will have to
tell her no. Don't lead her on. Not like she led me on. Don't do it to
her." Their hands squeezed each other's tightly. Probably tighter than
either of them had ever held someone's hand.

"Takeru, I don't know... I don't..." He struggled, but TK just smiled a
small, sad smile.

"You don't have to know what to say to me, just what to say to her.
I love you like a brother, and I want her to be happy, but if you don't
love her then I will honor your feelings." Dai frowned.

"Stop talking like that. Stop it. You will get out of this bed in a week
or so and be happy again." Takeru shook his head.

"I love you like a brother, Dai." Daisuke smiled.

"I love you too." Takeru held his hand still, as tight as ever.

"Goodbye, Daisuke. Take care of yourself. And tell Hikari I love her.
And my brother and Taichi, tell them to that they shouldn't worry, I'll
be fine." He closed his eyes and breathed out. Then he was silent. The
entire room was silent, except for the non wavering beep. Dai looked at
the monitor. It was flat line.

"Takeru... Takeru...!" He was starting to get hysterical. "TAKERU!"
Yamato rushed in, hearing and seeing the monitor, then looking at Daisuke,
crying hard. He felt for his brother's non existent pulse and sobbed, and
sobbed. Taichi wrapped him in a hug and they both cried. At that moment,
Hikari and Ken arrived back from the bathroom. Hikari burst into tears again,
joining her brother and his lover in a sort of group hug. Daisuke was not
in hysterics like they were. He was more like in an unbelieving, silent
shock. Ken was just confused and upset, but dry-eyed. Always. Daisuke
ran from the room. Ken immediately followed, running after him down the
stairs. Dai reached his car and had started it before Ken could get to his,
so he did the only thing he could think of, he jumped in the SUV's path,
waving his arms and screaming at Dai to stop. At the very last second, the
brakes were slammed and Ken ran to him. Ripping open the door and grabbing
him in a hug.

"Daisuke! You're okay! You're okay!" He was saying to the sobbing boy.

"I caused him so much pain! So much! He said Hikari was in love with me!
Not him!" Ken just held him, listening to his sobs and loving the smell
of his hair. He knew that the time was not right for him to be moving in on
the brown-haired beauty in his arms, but he couldn't help it. He kissed
him. Daisuke kissed back. Although he was confused. After he pulled back,
he was breathless. "What was that for?" Daisuke asked him, blushing.

"I love you, Daisuke Motomiya. I love you. And I just.. It isn't your fault
Hikari loves you. Not at all. So it wasn't your fault. His pain was brought
on by her." Daisuke hugged his soon to be boyfriend.

"Arigatou, Ken. Ai... Ai shiteru." Ken smiled despite his sadness about TK,
and despite himself.

"I love you too." He said, hugging him. "Let's get you home." He got into
the car and they drove it back to the space it was in before. They left a
note for the other's on the windshield:

Dear Hikari, Taichi & Yamato,
Ken is taking me home. I am very upset, and he thought it best I don't
drive. Call me later, okay?

Love,
Daisuke




~~Three month's later~~

Hikari frowned into her reflection. She STILL hadn't told Daisuke how
she felt. What with Takeru dying and all. She sighed sadly, thinking of
how upset her love, Daisuke, had been. But, tonight she would. Tonight was
the party. Mimi and Koushiro were getting married and they were all
celebrating it. All of them. And Daisuke would be there. She could
finally tell him. And he would finally know... finally know how she had
longed for him so many nights. And he would be happy.



Daisuke Stretched out on Ken's bed.

"Do we REALLY have to go?" He asked for the twelfth time. Ken eyed him
for a moment then lay down on the bed next to him.

"Why not? What, are you afraid of me giving us away to them? Get serious,
Dai-chan." Daisuke kissed Ken's forehead and smiled.

"No, that's not what I'm afraid of. There's going to be liquor." Ken
smiled softly. "And I'm afraid that if I drink... then I'll start like...
You know..." He sounded nervous.

"Start coming onto me like a drunken sailor who hasn't seen a woman
(or man, in this case) in years?" Daisuke nodded, blushing. Ken kissed
his nose and stood up. "Just don't have any." He picked up a hairbrush
and started brushing the silky locks of indigo hair.

"But everyone else will be!" He whined. Ken turned to him.

"look, Dai. YOU are the one who wants to hide us from them. I'm okay with
you drinking, but if you aren't then don't. Whatever you want." Dai looked
down, chided.

"I know. I just... I worry. About what they'll think of me... and whether t
hey'll ever speak to me again..." Ken looked at him incredulously.

"What about Taichi and Yamato?! They accepted them." Dai looked at him
pointedly.

"Yes, but Yamato wasn't once the Kaizer, was he?" Ken looked angry.

"You were the first one to let that go in the beginning, but now it keeps
us from being open about our true selves? Why are you saying these things?"
Dai stood and put his arms around Ken.

"Gomen nasai, Koibito. I just... I'm not ready to let them know yet.
I'm sorry. I feel terrible hiding things from them, but I'm just not ready."
He layed his head on Ken's shoulder and Ken leaned on it with the side of
his face.

"It's okay. I'm sorry I snapped at you. Now let's go." He pulled him out
the door to his green Xterra(Author's note: Trademark of Nissan, I do not
own this, although I would love to. Then I could buy all the anime I
wanted! MWAHAHAHAHA....oh, you can still hear me...ehehehe).



They came to Mimi and Koushiro's semi-large house to find that they weren't
exactly the first one's there. There were cars parked all along the street
for three blocks, but Mimi had given them a garage door opener. And they
pulled into it between Taichi's BMW (he was a doctor) and a 20001 Volts
wagon beetle. Daisuke stared at it for a moment. Glancing at the license
plate which read High Ho Silver! Awwwaaaayyyy! He squinted into the tinted
windows.

"It's Miyako's." He commented. Ken smiled and they walked in together.
Mimi came to greet them.

"Hello!" Mimi squealed, more happy than they had ever seen her. And that
was pretty happy. She did that whole rich-person air kissing thing with
each of them. When did that start anyway? "How are you guys?" Daisuke gave
her an odd look.

"Mimi, I just had lunch with you last week. And Ken came by your office
yesterday. Don't you remember?" She giggled madly.

"Oh, I'm such a scatter brain." She looked away for a moment and Dai took
the chance to whisper "why is that new?" in Ken's ear. Ken suppressed
laughter when Mimi turned back. "Oh, how rude of me! Come in, you must
be cold. The weather's been dreadful!" She leaned out the door to look
at the dark, dark gray sky. They entered and found that it wasn't one of
Mimi's usual parties. It was more like the high-school parties that the
popular kids at school throw. Music was blasting out of their stereo
speakers and people (half of which neither of them knew) were dancing and
eating and talking. Daisuke could see more people out by their pool and
could hear even more upstairs. Mimi danced off in her little sequined pink
tube top and red skirt. Ken glanced at him, seeing his reaction. He smiled
at him and dragged him to the kitchen, where most of the Digidestined
seemed to be gathered.

"Daisuke! Ken! When did you two get here?" Miyako asked. She was wearing
an orange dress that her mother probably wouldn't approve of and she
seemed to be making eyes at some guy across the room. Daisuke was going
to answer but decided not to when she danced off toward him. He looked
at Sora, who was introducing her new girlfriend to Taichi.

"Hey." Ken said as they walked up to the little group. Sora downed the
last of her beer and smiled at him.

"Hey guys!" She said. "This is Karen." They shook hands with her.

"Oh... You two are... together right?" She said, noticing how close
they were standing.

"Of course they are." Daisuke stared at Taichi, slightly panicky. Yamato
noticed this and smiled.

"You didn't think we didn't know, did you?" they looked down. "We have for
ages. Hikari's the only one who doesn't know." Daisuke sighed. Ken sensed
how uncomfortable he was getting.

"Um... We're gonna go dance, right Dai-chan?" They smiled at each other
and excused themselves. Ken sat down on the first couch he saw and pulled
Daisuke down onto his lap. "Are you okay?" Dai leaned on his shoulder.

"I'm fine. I just wasn't expecting them to come right out and say it..."
Ken smiled.

"Well, we didn't really make attempts to come up with GOOD excuses to be
alone." They laughed.

"That's true." Ken kissed him and smiled.

"I'm sure there's and empty room upstairs..." Dai blushed and stood.
Ken dragged him up the stairs and into an empty room.



Hikari adjusted her tight dress and smoothed her hair.

"Have you seen Daisuke?" She asked Mimi. Mimi thought for a moment.

"Uh...not since he got here, but you know me: always the nut." Hikari
laughed and spotted Taichi.

"Thanks anyway, Mimi. I'll ask around." Yamato and Taichi were dancing and
she tapped his shoulder.

"Don't think you're cutting in, bi- oh! Hikari! When did you get here?"
She giggled.

"Just now. Have you seen Daisuke?" Taichi looked at Yamato nervously.

"Uh... no." She nodded and walked off. She came to Sora and Karen next.
They were dancing too, a bit more animatedly than her brother
and brother-in-law.

"Sora, you seen Daisuke? Hey Karen." Sora was absorbed in the other girl's
eyes so she just said "Upstairs I think." Hikari smiled.

"Thank you!" She walked away, leaving Sora and Karen. There were people
on the stairs, drunk men making lewd comments and women yelling at their
boyfriends about how it was over. She walked by them all and discreetly
peeked into the many room. Then she heard Daisuke laughed and stopped at
Mimi and Koushirou's bedroom door. A sly smile spread across her face
and she carefully picked her way into the secret passage. She wanted
to sneak up on him. When she entered, there was a distinct smell in the
room and it was dark. Sounds were coming from the bed. As her eyes adjusted
to the light, she could see what was happening. She hit the light switch.
"DAISUKE! KEN!" She screamed. They both struggled to get their clothes on.
She waited for the "wait! I can explain!" to come, but it didn't they
just put on their pants and stared at her guiltily. She threw open the
door to be able to run when it was time. "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!" She
demanded. Several people gathered around to look into the room, seeing
them. No words came like "I had a few drinks and...!" Or "This isn't what
it looks like! I love YOU!" She screamed incoherently and ran out,
sobbing. There was a crowd now, staring at them as they threw their
clothes on. Miyako saw her and ran to catch up with her.

"Hikari?! What happened?!" Hikari just turned around and shoved her.
Miyako fell backwards, a nearby guy from her school caught her. She
smiled up at him in thanks then stared as Hikari ran out the door.
She started her brother's BMW, that key being first on her ring.


(Switch back to Ken's POV, end flashback)

We chased after you, feeling a moral obligation. The rain was heavy and it
was hard to see in the dark night. The streetlights on the overpass
allowed us enough light to see Taichi's car, carrying you with it,
careen off the side and onto the pavement below. There was a sickening
crunch and then the car burst into flames. I hadn't even stopped yet, but
Daisuke jumped out of the car and leaned over the bridge, fully expecting
you to work your way out of the twisted, burning metal and walk away
unscathed; strong as always. But you didn't come. He waited there for
long time, expecting you to come out. To be alive. I called 911 on my cell
phone. The paramedics and the fire department came. All the time,
Daisuke just stared out, waiting for you. He was crying so
hard, it was hard to tell in the rain, but he was. He was just sobbing
and sobbing... waiting for them to announce that you were alive and put
you on a stretcher and take you to the hospital. But it never happened.
You died. You died and it's all my fault. You never would have known
about us until you were ready. You never would have seen us there lest
I hadn't suggested we go up there in the first place. It's all my fault.
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. The others are looking at us. Maybe they are
expecting him to place a rose on your grave and whisper that he really did
love you, that I mean nothing to him. But it doesn't seem like that's
gonna happen. I hug him and let his tears soak me. Goodbye forever Hikari.
I'm so sorry it happened this way. I know you hated me, and really didn't
like you for a while, but you died because of me, and my insides feel as
if they are breaking apart. Please Hikari forgive my selfishness.
Forgive me for loving this beautiful chestnut hair and the way he wrinkles
his nose in his sleep with some unknown discomfiture. Forgive me for
wanting him all to myself. Forgive, please.

...Forgive me...

END

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