Hair, Glorious Hair

Fandom: Naruto

Summary: Young Madara and Hashirama pine for long, flowing locks. Which requires a 'Hair, glorious hair,' performance a la Oliver Twist's 'Food, glorious food,' of course.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto and Oliver Twist the Musical

I blame I-W-P-chan, Blue-Ram and Adel Mortescryche for this. Our conversations about hair are enabling.

For this fic, I rewrote the song 'Food, glorious food,'' from Oliver Twist, written by Lionel Bart. I used the musical version, which has one couplet more than the movie version, I believe, but it was too glorious to leave out (yes, it's the part about 'handsome').


''If only dad would let me grow my hair out!'' Hashirama tugged at his hair.

Madara nodded. ''Chin-length's better than your bowl cut, but my mom keeps going: 'Long hair is the type of arrogance that will get you killed, young man.''

Looking at each other, they gave one of their infamous dynamic duo performances out of nowhere. Nobody had ever seen them, but that did not stop them from singing.

''Is it worth the waiting for?
If we live 'til eighty-four
All we ever get is split... ends!
Ev'ry day we say our prayer -
Will they change the bill of fare?
Still we get the same old hair... cut!
There's not a plea, not a word can we find
Can we beg, can we convince, our parents!
But there's nothing to stop us from getting a thrill
When we all close our eyes and imag... ine

Hair, glorious hair!
Long, flowing and healthy!
Nothing can compare -
To big wild and wealthy!
Gel, waves and dreadlocks!
What next is the question?
Adults have those, Goldilocks -
A brai-ding session!

Hair, glorious hair!
We're anxious to try it
Brush three times a day –

Get those knots out!

Just picture a great big mane-
Afro, tresses or ruffled,
Oh, hair,
Wonderful hair
Marvellous hair
Glorious hair!

Hair, glorious hair!
What is there more handsome?

Spikes, layers, extensions -
Still worth a king's ransom!
What is it we dream about?
What brings on a sigh?

Sleek hair in buns, about
Six feet high!

Hair, glorious hair!
Pigtails on the menu
Just let down your hair
Two inches and then you
Work up a new appetite
In this interlude -
The hair!
Once again, hair,
Fabulous hair,
Glorious hair!

Hair, glorious hair!
Don't care what it looks like -
Frizzy!
Reigned in!
Floofy!
Don't care what the shampoo's like
Just thinking of locks not matte -
Our senses go reeling
One moment of knowing that
Hair-flip feeling!

Hair, glorious hair!
What wouldn't we give for
That extra bit more -
That's all that we live for
Why should we be fated to
Do nothing but stare
At hair
Magical hair
Wonderful hair
Marvellous hair
Fabulous hair

Beautiful hair!
Glorious hair!''

Behind his bush, Tobirama snorted. ''They deserve each other. Besides, everyone knows faceguards are way cooler than long hair.''