The Nine Parts of Desire

The title for this story is taken from the book "The Nine Parts of Desire: The Hidden World of Islamic Women" by Geraldine Brooks.

Disclaimer: In the words of the great Phoebe Buffay: "Not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not-mine."


Part One: The First Month

For the past four weeks, my wife has been living on saltine crackers.

As a doctor, and as the ex-husband of a neonatal surgeon, I've heard all about morning sickness and the havoc it wreaks on the lives (and stomachs) of pregnant women. And so, when we found out that Meredith was pregnant, I figured we would be facing a few mornings of queasiness and dashes to the bathroom.

Boy, was that an understatement.

Meredith has literally been living on saltines for nearly a month. She chokes down the occasional smoothie, piece of fruit or bite of chicken for the nutritional value, but more often that not it makes a reappearance not twenty minutes later. Saltine crackers are pretty much the only things that don't send her sprinting for the bathroom.

Saltines have become a staple in our life. Leaving the house? Grab the box off the counter. Hitting a restaurant? Tuck them in the purse. Watching a movie? Get used to the crunching from the other side of the couch. Slipping into bed after a long day at the hospital? Brush those crumbs out of the sheets beforehand. One time, early in the month, I made the disastrous mistake of forgetting the saltines. We were having dinner with Cristina and Burke, and were already running late, and I forgot to grab a pack from the stock we had accumulated in our pantry. Ten minutes into the car ride, Meredith asked me for the saltines, and I realized my mistake. By the time we got to the restaurant, not only had I pulled over twice to let her throw up, she had pretty much called me every name in the book and swore up and down she would never carry another child of mine. Oh, the joys of marriage.

See, Meredith's cute when she's mad. She's cute when she's upset, cute when she's freaking out… she's pretty much cute all the time.

And, to tell the truth, even pregnant, irate, almost-homicidal Meredith is damn near adorable.

But on that day, when I forgot to fulfill my simple responsibility of bringing the one thing that made my wife's life bearable – I was scared.

Not of my tiny, adorable wife and her tiny, ineffectual fists. No, I wasn't afraid of Meredith herself. But I was terrified of the fallout.

Because Meredith, as much as I love her, doesn't do anything halfway. And that includes freaking out. When something goes wrong, my adorable wife goes all out in her emotional reaction. And my forgetting the saltines apparently ranked pretty high on her catastrophe-meter. So, while our friends were waiting with our table at a gourmet restaurant in downtown Seattle, I ran in and out of three gas stations and a convenience store to find a box of saltines to help my wife make it through the evening.

A small price to pay, since she's currently playing incubator to my unborn child.

Thankfully, it worked. She was able to sit through the meal (in which I couldn't order anything with meat, since meat makes her especially queasy and I'm supposed to be showing my solidarity) without dashing to the ladies' room.

I feel bad, though, that it's only the first month and already it's been so rough on her. And while Meredith hasn't done the girly thing and blamed me for "doing this to her," I do feel the slightest bit guilty.

You see, Meredith and I hadn't planned to get pregnant. Not yet, anyway. The ink was barely dry on our marriage license, we spent two fantastic weeks in St. Barth's, came back to Seattle, and less than a month later, the stick turned blue. I think it's a little honeymoon baby, but, frankly, I had had countless opportunities to slip one past the goalie, so there's really no way of knowing. But I have a hunch.
Life has a way of taking you by surprise.

I had thought I was ready for children after ten years of marriage to Addison, but she hadn't been ready. Then, with Meredith, I thought we'd settle down, get used to married life, then start talking about having kids. And, knowing Meredith's insecurities and doubts about family life, I thought it would take a little persuading on my part.

But, as usual, my girl took me by surprise. I was the more shocked of the two of us when the news finally hit. She seemed to take it in stride, shrugging and saying she had figured it would happen eventually, so it might as well be now.
Part of me wonders if, despite the ring on my finger and my promise to spend forever with her, she still has lingering doubts about whether we'll last. Another part of me wonders if she just wants the family she never had as a kid. Either way, she's excited. And I'm excited.

Her excitement, however, has taken a backseat to her upchuck reflex.

She tells me to get used to it – in eight months, there'll be a whole new person in the house throwing up on me.

---