A Twist in History
Early August 1996, on an otherwise rather beautiful day, a woman was seen proceeding down the marble-edged alleys of the power centre of the United Kingdom – The White Hall.
This woman in question was wearing an astonishingly pink greatcoat; she was of a rather short statue and gave the onlookers a strange feeling that it was not a woman, but a gigantic toad, who was walking past their important premises. Her name: Professor and High Inquisitor emeritus, Dolores Jane Umbridge, Senior Undersecretary to the Minister for Magic, and on top of that, she was giving off an odd mixture of strong perfume and high levels of irritation.
Why irritation? You might say. Apart from a many reasons, from her recent sacking at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry to the return of Lord Voldemort and the subsequent wholesale destruction of her once beautiful and perfect world; there's now the very recent and completely befuddled decision by the current Minister of Magic to sack the Head of Magical Law Enforcement for gross negligence and incompetence and his subsequent declaration of Martial Law, disabling every law she could possibly think of, including the very important Statue of Secrecy. Why? Oh why?
Madam Umbridge was therefore on her way to the Minister on a Sunday to declare her strong disagreement with him on this muggle-ley twisting of Magical Law. But alas, before she could even enter the Ministry and deliver her opinions, she was halted, one step outside the official entrance to the Ministry, halted by a uniformed Metropolitan police officer, who was accompanied by blaring sirens from a police vehicle of the same service.
Befuddled, she was asked by them to turn around against a wall and surrender all her items, weapons and dangerous artefacts – including explosives. She was then asked to do so with five or more pistols aimed at her head, how rude!
"What is this?" She asked blatantly, confusion and anger boiling inside her. The reply came oh so swift:
"Dolores Jane Umbridge, you are hereby under arrest according to the laws and customs of Her Majesty's Government of England and Wales. You are arrested for 45 accounts of grievous bodily harm and aggravated assault on minors, 15 accounts of attempted homicide and one count of homicide. You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention, when questioned, something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence. Do you understand what I have said?"
Nodding quietly in reply to the police officer, Dolores Umbridge was in total shock. Arrested? For no less than 66 counts? Oh dear. But wasn't she supposed to be protected by her office and Ministerial advisor Cornelius Fudge's immunity? As she asked this vital question to the policemen and women pointing their guns on her she received a horrifying reply.
"Madam Umbridge. Your Government's current situation has disabled every law you possibly have, but you are still responsible to the laws and customs drawn by the House of Commons of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. Do you then feebly believe that immunity from your currently invalid laws applies to you? Take her away, ladies and gentlemen."
The assembled policemen and women did so and shoved unkindly the Toad into a waiting police vehicle. They were just breathing out in relief as Umbridge was taken away when a policewoman who had helped shove the Toad in started coughing and sneezing violently. The officer in charge promptly came over in assistance.
"Constable Crumb? Nora Crumb? Talk to me. Breathe and talk to me." He said gently to the officer now lying on the ground, gasping for breath. She replied while croaking and coughing: "Perfume allergy… That woman… sprayed herself full… with it."
"Oh dear, I'll be calling the emergency services then. Unit 259 to Headquarters, we need emergency medical assistance for an acute allergic reaction on Horse Guards Parade, right now please. Easy easy Nora." He then continued as Constable Crumb gave another violent coughing fit.
"Breathe please." Well, he was actually being forced to coddle the latest victim to the Toad as another set of sirens came, announcing the arrival of the much needed ambulance.
"Thank God for them getting here on time, or we might have had another homicide case here, Sir." Chuckling to the officer in charge, a policeman came over to watch as the medics took Constable Eleanor Crumb away.
"Yeah, that's correct I presume." The officer in charge replied.
"Incidentally Sir, who did that woman kill?"
"A certain Hermina von Lohenstein, fourteen. Her guardians – both QC's by the way – filed for investigation already in December last year."
"Hey wait a second now, I've heard of the case, weren't her guardians peers Sir?"
"That's right. Caused a hell of a fuss in the Scotland Yard then."
"Ah well, now it's all over, right Sir?"
"It is, it is. Now let's pack this up."
"Right Sir."
And so they did. Packing up their presence within minutes, the police officers returned to Headquarters for their teas and medals.
The case itself (The Crown vs Dolores Jane Umbridge) went on for another three months, the final verdict in early 1997 by the jury was guilty of all charges. Tried in the Old Bailey, she was subsequently sentenced to life imprisonment with the judge ordering "whole life order".
Constable Nora Crumb then? Well, she survived the ordeal and now resides in Yorkshire with her family as only Nora Crumb. She retired early from the Mets after a month of the arrest due to lung damage.
The all too necessary Author's notes: This is my first serious venture into the fanfictions of Harry Potter; this one-shot is intended as a companion to a project I am currently working on. Reviews are very welcome right now. :)
And I do not own Harry Potter, and never will. Period.
