Misunderstandings
Fullmetal Alchemist fanfiction
by The Cinderninja
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It had been over a week. Over a week since Al had come to the Rockbell's front door as a suit of armor, carrying his limp, bleeding brother, and begging for their help. At first, Winry was so busy taking care of Ed she didn't notice. At first, the fact that Al wasn't getting in the way was taken for granted. But as the days wore on, and Ed stabilized, and it became clear that he was going to be okay... however loosely she used the word, Winry began to wonder.
Wonder why in all this time, Al hadn't once asked to see his brother. And Ed had not asked for Al. Winry had never seen them stay willingly separated for any length of time before, and she thought that now especially they would want to be together. They both needed it.
It was late, and everyone else was sleeping. Winry was nearly finished with Ed's automail ports – she knew if she pulled another all nighter, she could have them ready by morning. She was disturbed by the thought, but Ed was determined. And Pinako had agreed. There was a reason they didn't install automail on children, and it wasn't just because of the pain.
Having automail installed was one of the most painful surgeries a person could ever go through. The most, considering there could be absolutely no anesthetic during the process. The problem was, automail could be removed and adjusted. The port's couldn't. Ed was still small. A child. If he had ports installed now... he would outgrow them. Ports were made to be permanent, but eventually he would need to have his removed, and have entirely new ones created. Depending on how much he grew, he might need it more then once.
Most people only went through the surgery once. Ed would be going through it twice now, and again when he got older, if he wanted to retain any use of his limbs at all. Four automail surgeries. And that was the minimum. For the first time, she found she couldn't work on her automail. Not with thoughts like that in her head. She needed it to be perfect, because it was for Ed. She was too distracted now.
So instead she stood and decided to go find Al. She'd realized over the course of the past few days that he couldn't sleep in that new body. She felt bad for him – it must be awfully lonely at night. He also didn't try to do much more then sit quietly in the dark corners of rooms. At first she had thought he was sulking, but when she'd asked him for help with something she realized that the real problem was he had no idea how to control that new body of his. He kept underestimating how tall he was, how much space he took up, how much force he was exerting. And he was terrified that he might hurt someone because of it.
Winry had taken to dragging him outside with her whenever she wasn't busy and forcing him through the same exercises she gave her automail patients. She would teach him how to use arms and legs, even when he couldn't feel them. It was what she was best at.
She found him sitting at the far end of the hallway, huddled over and hugging his knees close, almost completely consumed by shadows. He glanced up as he heard her approaching and Winry smiled as the red lights she took for his eyes seemed to get a little brighter when he saw her.
"...Winry? What are you doing up?" He asked nervously, as if somehow he thought maybe it was his fault.
She sat cross legged on the floor directly in front of him and smiled. "I was just working on Ed's automail. But I thought I needed a break."
Al remained silent, before tilting his helmet so he was looking at the floor again. "Oh." He whispered so quiet she could barely hear him.
"Al?" Winry tilted her own head, confused. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." He answered too quickly.
"Is it about Ed?"
"No." So it was about Ed.
"Is it about why you won't go see him?"
Somehow, Winry felt the entire atmosphere change as the armor stiffened. She hesitated, thinking perhaps she had gone too far. But no. She was the one spending more time then anyone with both of the brothers, and she knew how badly they needed each other now. She would keep pushing. "He needs you, Al." She continued.
Al hesitated. "Did he say so?"
"No, but it's obvious." Winry replied. "You're both hurting. But..." she paused. "All you have left is each other." She didn't want to say it. It made her feel like she was admitting she meant nothing. But she knew that wasn't true. She knew they needed her and she needed them, but this was different. This was much different, and she realized that.
Al didn't reply for a long moment, and when he did it was so quiet Winry had to lean forward to hear him. "He won't want to see me."
Winry pulled back, surprised. "What? Why?"
"Because this is my fault." Al stated plainly. His tone was so flat it actually gave Winry shivers. The way his voice echoed inside the metal didn't help matters. It made her feel like she was talking to a ghost. In a way, she was. She would never, ever voice that thought out loud.
"Alphonse Elric!" She snapped instead. "How is this your fault?!" Her sharp tone had little impact on the boy. He didn't even look up at her.
"Because Brother's transmutation was perfect. We both looked at it. There was nothing wrong with the equations." His voice was picking up both speed and pitch. "And he knew what he was doing. He knew. I was the one who wasn't sure. I didn't want it enough. It's my fault it didn't work! Don't you get it?"
Finally, he lifted his helmet and his soulfire eyes were blazing. Yet his face remained an emotionless mask. "It was because of me. I killed our mom. Again. And I- I did this to him! How could he possibly forgive me?"
The silence hung so heavy in the air it was almost suffocating. Winry stared at Al. Al looked back at the floor, ashamed. "Sorry." He stated quietly, "I'm sorry." Whether he was apologizing for his perceived transgressions or for admitting to them, Winry wasn't sure.
"Oh, Al." She sighed, and climbed onto his lap. He gasped and pulled back in surprise as Winry wrapped her arms around his neck. A futile gesture in the sense that he couldn't feel it, but she knew it would still mean just as much to him. She felt his overlarge hand come to rest on her back as the tap tap tap on metal alerted her to the tears falling from her face onto his chestplate.
She tried to convince him a few more times after that to go see his brother, but every time he refused. He would only go to Ed when Ed asked. And for some reason, Ed never asked. Which only served to strengthen Al's views that his brother blamed him and didn't want to speak to him again.
One time she found him trying to leave, in the middle of the night, and in the moment he froze and faced her she knew that he'd had no intentions of coming back. She'd screamed and cried and beat him with a wrench until he promised to never try something like that again.
And still Ed didn't ask for his brother.
During his surgery, Winry finally found out why.
It was stupid, really. It was so stupid. Ed couldn't bare to see Al when he was sure Al would blame him. And Al couldn't look at Ed because he thought it was all his own fault. They were both so convinced that the other would hate them that neither had bothered to just ask, and they were forcing themselves to suffer in silence, alone.
But then again, they were boys. And not just any boys, they were her boys. The Elric Brothers. Stupidity was to be expected. But this was taking it too far.
"That's it." She announced one day, shortly after Ed's surgery. "I can't take it anymore." Ed had stared at her blankly. "You're going to talk to him."
"Huh...? Talk to... What?! No!" Ed threw his one arm over the bed as if reaching out to stop her, but Winry had already breezed out of the room. She couldn't be serious. He wasn't ready. He couldn't possibly... He couldn't. He couldn't face Al in that body. Not when he was the one who had put him there.
It wasn't long before he heard the sound of Winry's footfalls and... and hollow, metal sound of his brother following behind her. "No, Winry! I can't- you don't understand." The sound of his brothers voice floated through the door.
Of course he was protesting. Of course he didn't want to come in here. Ed sighed and shut his eyes, falling back into his pillow. Winry should have just let Al go when he'd wanted to. All her noise that night had woken Ed up, and it wasn't hard to piece together what had happened from the way she was yelling at Al. He'd felt only the slightest bit betrayed before he realized that of course Al would want to leave.
But now, by the sounds of things, Winry and Al were approaching the side of his bed, and he would have to face his brother anyway. The footsteps stopped – they sounded so close, he could probably reach out and feel cold metal. He didn't. No one spoke.
"You... idiots." Ed opened his eyes in surprise and they fell on Winry. She was holding Al's gauntlet in one hand. It was trembling. She forced it onto the bed, on Ed's own hand – his only hand – causing both brothers to freeze. They stared at their hands as if the unexpected contact was some sort of bomb or poisonous snake instead of what it was. Two hands. Resting on a bed.
And then Winry left. "This door isn't opening until you two are speaking again." She announced, and with that, the door slammed.
Ed didn't move his hand. Neither did Al. They both stood frozen for more moments then either cared to count. Neither being able to tear their eyes away from the point of contact. And abruptly, all at once, Ed looked at Al and Al looked at Ed.
"I'm sorry!" They both gasped, pausing in surprise at the other's words.
"But I-"
"It was my fault-"
"I did this-"
"Why are you sorry?"
"You didn't do anything-"
"It was me-"
And then Ed was holding up his hand for silence and staring at Al. All fear, pain and sorrow completely gone from his face, to be replaced with completely genuine Edward-brand confusion. "Wait. What are you sorry for?" He asked, puzzled. "You didn't do anything wrong!"
"What?!" Al cried incredulously. "Of course I did! It was my fault the transmutation messed up. It's my fault you're... like this!" He gestured at Ed, in general.
Ed was already shaking his head, frowning. "No, no. That's not right! It wasn't you! It wouldn't have worked anyway. It was impossible from the start."
"It... was?"
"Yeah." Ed was looking at the sheets now. "I didn't know... I thought... I really thought we could do it. But it was impossible all along. And I dragged you into it."
"I wanted to help you!"
"I made you help me!"
"Ed."
"...Yes?" Ed looked up slowly, intimidated by his brother's sudden quiet, but deathly serious tone.
"Have you ever been able to make me do anything?"
A long silence followed.
"That's what I thought."
And suddenly, inexplicably, they were both laughing.
