Breaking Hearts
You wake up every morning, praying the last few weeks have only been a nightmare.
But they aren't.
You get up and head downstairs. It's summer vacation, so Cassie's staying with you. You pass by her room and hear the same sound you hear every morning. Muffled sobbing. And once again, you remember that no matter how much you miss Janet, Cassie's pain is ten times worse. She's lost two moms now, and it's come close to destroying her.
Usually you let her grieve in private. You don't tell her that you hear her crying every morning. You don't want to intrude on her grief. But this morning her sobs pull you to her.
Tapping on her door, you enter and see her curled up in a ball on her bed, clutching a picture of Janet. The sight breaks your heart and tears start rolling down your cheeks. You walk over to the bed and gather her into your arms.
You feel her stiffen and she tries to stop crying, but you whisper that it's okay; to cry all she wants. This causes the damn to reopen and she collapses into you more fully and her sobs become louder.
Tears still rolling down your cheeks, you start to rock her silently, knowing full well that no words will comfort her right now. An occasional, agonized, "mom," escapes her lips and you want more than anything to take her pain away. But the one thing that would ease her pain, you can't do.
You can't bring Janet back to life.
This thought makes the tears come from your eyes more rapidly, but still you rock Cassie. It comforts both of you.
You've lost your best friend and she's lost her mother.
The only thing you can do is hold onto each other until you fall asleep, exhausted from crying.
Only to wake again later, and start all over again.
