Return To Middle Earth
She felt as if she were falling. It was like coming from weightlessness. There was pressure on her body, pushing her down further and further until the ground reached up to meet her. Then it was gone, but the weight and fullness of her body remained. With a gasp of air, she opened her eyes for the first time in one hundred and fifty years.
She blinked several times before she realized she was staring at blue sky; feeling real sun on her face, grass beneath her. She had been returned to the world from Mandos' Hall. At that thought, the Valar appeared before her.
"You have been returned Raina of Gondolin. They will have need of you here, favored one. You were not meant to join the hall of warriors. Something beyond out control pushed you into your previous fate. We have rectified this transgression. We could not return you to Gondolin, for it has fallen. However we have placed you at the edge of Lothlorien. There you will find Lord Celeborn of Doraith and Lady Galadriel. They will provide you with what you need. Do not tarry long though, you will be needed in Imladris eventually." As suddenly as they appeared, they were gone. Raina stared after them for a moment before rising to her feet. She was dressed, but unarmed. Unsure of what dangers she would face, she followed the direction of the gods and entered the trees. There was a worn path to which she set her feet gladly. She only wished for her faithful steed, Mithril.
Before she had gone too far into the forest, she halted. There wasn't any sound or sight, that alerted her to the presence, but she knew there was someone on each side of her and someone in front.
"I know you're there." She called out and waited patiently. The three sentries melted out of the trees like ghosts. They blended so well with their surroundings that had she not sensed them, she'd have never known they were there. As they moved closer, she detected something familiar about the one in front of her.
"What is your business in Lorien?" He asked in a distant and cold voice, soft, yet deadly.
"I am visiting old friends, the Lord and Lady of these woods." She answered politely.
"And your name?" The sentry questioned.
"Raina of Gondolin." Came her reply and suddenly had a knife pressed to her throat, under the hood of her cloak.
"You lie! That great Lady has been in the Hall of Mandos for over a century." He spat, yanking back her hood. When he saw her face, his own showed shock. "Nay, it cannot be! You perished. I saw your death as sure as I see your face." It took a moment for her to recall who had been present at her death.
"Haldir?" She said questioningly.
"Aye, but how came you to be here? When I saw you last, your wounds were terminal. You protected us, until our father could get to us. But you had lost so much blood…" He trailed off.
"Yes. I was dead, but I have been returned."
"Like your brother?"
"My brother was among those in the Hall?"
"You wouldn't know. He died after you. When the forces attacked Gondolin, you protected us from the soldiers until father could get us out. However your brother drew their balrog away, to the great cliff. They killed each other. The Valar saw fit to return him. He is now in Imladris."
"What is Imladris?"
"Lord Elrond's mountain haven."
"Ah, he did build it then. I think it best I go on to Celeborn now. There are many more things to discuss. I'm sure I'm taking from you from duties."
"Lady, it is a great joy to see you again, but if you will wait but an hour, our relief will be here and my brothers and I will escort you to Caras Galadon."
"Then I shall wait. Brothers? Haldir, they were but tiny babies when I was alive." He gestured to the other two sentries.
"The tall one is Orophin, and the small one is Rumil."
"We do not remember you Lady, but Haldir has told us of you many times. We would be honored to escort you." Rumil stated easily.
"I would not think you would remember me, you were so small, both of you. I think only one and two years at most. How is your mother though?"
"She sailed to Valinor after Gondolin fell. She was not well and father followed as he always did. The Lord and Lady raised us as their own, thought mother asked for you. Her mind wasn't right after that battle and your death."
"I'm so sorry, dear ones, I was not meant to die then, the Valar told me. I missed so much, but I am here now, as long as you need or want me." She hugged Haldir, raising an arm to embrace Orophin and Rumil as well.
Not long after they heard the sound of horses and three new sentries appeared. The new elves took up their post and the brothers gathered their gear. They mounted their own horses and Haldir pulled her up behind him.
"Your mounts look like…"
"Mithril? They are direct descendents. This is Mithroch. That is Miel, and Orophin has Eleniel. Lord Celeborn took possession of him upon your death. No one else could get near him. We could never figure out why." Raina smiled into his shoulder.
"Mithril was a gift from Celeborn when we were very young. We trained him together, ourselves. This was before he met Galadriel. There was a time when it was thought we would marry. I love him, but not in the way he loves his Lady, and she him. We would not have lasted through the centuries like they have." She explained softly.
When they reached the city gates of Caras Galadon, Haldir sent a runner ahead to inform the Lord and Lady. They reduced their pace the tree city's center.
The runner raced up the steps to the council chambers. The March Warden had given him only one word for the Lord of Lorien. His breath came swift as he pushed the doors open. Lord Celeborn looked up sharply at the intrusion. The runner caught his breath as best he could before he spoke.
"My Lord. I have a message from March Warden Haldir." He said quickly. The Lord nodded for him to continue. "He travels in from the border with his brothers and a woman. He said to only give you one word, my Lord."
"The word?" Lord Celeborn asked, curiosity in his voice.
"He said only the word 'Raina', my Lord." Celeborn shot up out of his chair.
"What?!" He had gone almost white. "You are sure, that is what he said?" the Lord questioned vehemently.
"Yes, my Lord. I am sure." The runner affirmed. He pondered for a moment, before the color returned to him and let loose a joyful laugh, not heard in the council chamber ever.
"Thank you, Messenger. Council is over. Messenger; take this word also to my Lady. She will be most pleased." With that Lord Celeborn shed his ceremonial robes for the loose shirt and breeches he wore beneath and dashed out the doors and down the steps to meet the incoming sentries.
Raina slid down from the horses back at the steps of the talan of the Lord and Lady of the wood. Celeborn skidded to a halt in front of her. She remembered him being a little more vibrant, but time and some loss had dimmed him a little. He laughed a happy laugh and swept her up into a tight hug. They had always been great friends and it felt like she was finally home.
"Lady Raina, my dear, you have returned to us." Celeborn stated joyfully, tears glistening in his eyes. He still held her tight to his chest. Galadriel floated down the steps behind him and gently pried her husbands away so that she could wrap Raina in a hug as well. Haldir agreed to meet with her later as the Lord and Lady led her away.
"How long have I been away? Haldir mentioned that its been over a century but he didn't say exactly how long." Raina asked when she and Celeborn were alone. Galadriel had gently scolded her husband about leaving the council hanging and left to finish the meeting herself.
"It has been one hundred and fifty years. Do you know of your brother?"
"Aye, Haldir told me."
"He was sent back twenty years ago. Were you not together in the Halls of Waiting?"
"No. It is not a place of family and friends. You are always alone. Things are not like they are here." She shivered at the thought of the place she had been for the last century.
"He is in Imladris."
"Haldir mentioned that as well. I do not know what would drive him there though."
"He and Elrond have always been friends. Elrond needed a seneschal to captain the guard there. That and Erestor is there." She smiled.
"That explains everything, then. What of Ereinion? I never thought to see Elrond leave the King's side."
"He perished in the final battle that followed the fall of Gondolin. I'm afraid everyone went to Elrond's sanctuary, but the brothers and us. Even Celebrian went. Erestor is his aide, ever happy enmeshed in affairs of state. Glorfindel is happily guarding his new home. Lindir is the court musician there."
"My pretty cousin was just a babe, like Haldir's brothers. But you have said little of Celebrian. Is she well, precocious little thing that she is?"
"She has sailed to Valinor. She married Elrond after your death. They were not well suited to each other. They were friends but never were the great loves I wished they would become. I had hoped they would find what her mother and I have, but it was not so. They had three children together: Elladan and Elrohir, the twins and Arwen, the youngest and only girl. Celebrian went out riding when they were very small. The twins were five I think and Arwen only three. Orcs attacked her. She was not a warrior. They broke her spirit and her body. Elrond healed what he could, but she would not allow him to heal her heart. She stayed for a while, with him, but the hate in her heart grew. She came home to us, but even we could not help her. She sailed to Valinor a few short years ago. Glorfindel blamed himself for a long time because he wasn't there that day. He was away visiting Thuranduil."
"I grieve with you for her. I loved her as though she were my own. She did not deserve such a fate. I can only pray that she is well in the Undying Lands."
"Thank you, my friend. Tell me of the Valar. Have they set a task for you?"
"They said only that I must go to Imladris and that I will soon be needed there."
"You will stay a little time with us though, will you not? We have so much more to catch up on."
"I will stay for a time, but then I must journey on. I miss my brother, Celeborn. I have a great desire to see the place Elrond has built, to see him as well."
"Your heart still calls for him. I often thought about you when my Lady and daughter were planning the wedding. I wondered frequently if his heart still called for you. You were meant for one another, I believe. It is a cruel fate that robbed you of the opportunity presented to my daughter." Raina didn't like the melancholy turn their conversation was taking and decided to lighten the mood.
"Well if Elrond wont have me, and if your Lady ever grows weary of you, we'll have to finish what we started all those years ago." Amusement lit his eyes, making them sparkle with their old life.
"I'm afraid that I am too old to train horses again, but if you insist, I will try for your sake." She grinned up at him, happy to have revived the old spark.
The days passed swiftly. A month had come and gone before she knew that time had passed. Where it seemed to pass so slowly in the Hall of Waiting, it seemed to race by in Arda. It seemed to her, that there were never enough hours of daylight to accomplish everything she wished to do.
The Lord and Lady provided her with supplies as well as a horse, another descendent of her long gone horse Mithril, this one was called Ithilwen. Celeborn spoke took her to one side and spoke softly in her ear, that should she need him, to far-speak him at anytime. She felt the tears glisten in her eyes. She would have loved to stay longer, but the need to see her brother called her onward. Haldir and his brothers escorted her to the edge of Lothlorien and waved until she disappeared over the first hill. She missed them already. They had been great companions, still young and exuberant at times, like elflings.
The days passed easily enough. Her horse was sure of step and always energetic, traits found once upon a time in her own horse. She took a small detour into Greenwood, marked on the map Celeborn had given her. She spent the two nights and a day with Thuranduil, who had once been a friend, but who little resembled the proud warrior she remembered. The war had taken a heavy toll on him and his family. She did meet his younger son, Legolas, and found him to be in turn both well mannered, and adventurous. He had begged his father to give her a gift, as thank you for all the wonderful stories she had told, of the old days in Gondolin, when there was peace, before death and war. Thuranduil had listened to her stories as well and had given her, at his son's request, a pair of long knives. Haldir had given her a bow before leaving. It seemed each had their gift of craftsmanship.
Raina continued her journey to Imladris. She knew exactly when she reached Elrond's realm. She could feel his power humming through the trees and the river. His being had touched all of his home, and that familiar tingle, the one that told her it was him, brushed against her own essence. She closed her eyes and let it wash over her in a soothing wave, both comforting and energizing, and greatly missed. She entered the valley in an unobtrusive manner. The sentries asked her business and allowed her on her way. She did not give them her name, but told them only that she was there to visit old friends. She wanted to surprise her brother and old friends.
Raina left her handsome stallion in the capable hands of the stable hands. As she entered the greeting hall, a maid bustled in carrying a tea tray. She stopped her for a moment, to get directions.
"May I ask were Lord Elrond is?" She questioned.
"He is in the outdoor council chamber, with the chief advisor, the captain and the guild masters. Are you late for the meeting? I can show you in and announce you?" The maid offered.
"Show me an unobtrusive way in, but do not announce me. I wish to surprise them. We have not seen each other in many years." The maid nodded with a smile. She led Raina around to the courtyard and directed her up the side stairs, before she hurried off with the tea tray in the opposite direction. Raina could see Elrond flanked by Erestor and her beautiful brother, Glorfindel. An instant feeling of peace flooded over her. She was home.
She made her way slowly up the stairs and listened to the ongoing debate. The guild masters were arguing over the placement of the forge. One group wanted it near the barn and paddocks. The other group wanted it farther away, near the base of a hill. She took that as her cue to interrupt.
"If you would like my opinion on the subject, the placement of the forge would be better at the base of the hill. As unlikely as it would be for the blacksmith to have an accident, any fire would be easier to contain away from other buildings and animals easily frightened." She pitched her voice over the debaters. They all stopped to look at her. They went silent. Elrond's hands were gripping the chair, his knuckles white. Glorfindel face had gone pale and Erestor looked shocked. The guild members were merely baffled. They had no idea who she was.
"Who are you to interrupt this meeting?" One demanded haughtily. Raina, who had shrugged into the hood of her cloak to hide her face, slipped out of it entirely, draping it over the railing behind her.
"I am Raina of Gondolin, sister to Glorfindel of Gondolin." She shot her friends a cheeky grin before sketching an insolent bow. "My Lord." Glorfindel let out a whoop at the sight of her. He launched himself at her; wrapping her up in his strong arms, swing her around in unabashed glee. Elrond and Erestor stood as well.
"Sister, my dear sister, you've come back to me." Glorfindel was laughing and crying at the same time. Elrond addressed the guild masters.
"I agree with Raina. The forge will be built at the base of the hill. That will complete this session. Good day, Masters." They nodded and filed out. Glorfindel had yet to release her.
"It is good to have you among us again, my friend, you have been greatly missed." Erestor said as her brother finally set her back on her feet. Raina hugged the aide quickly before standing before Elrond properly.
"My Lord." She said, inclining her head respectfully this time.
"My Lady." Elrond returned. "Welcome home." He raised her hand to his recaptured her attention a moment later when he pulled her into another hug. Erestor and Elrond excused themselves: Elrond to his study for more work and Erestor to find her a set of chambers near her brother, in the family wing.
Elrond, Erestor, Celeborn, Galadriel, Ereinion, Glorfindel, and Raina had been friends and had formed a council, many years in the past. They were a close-knit group that had slowly disbanded in the face of time and duty. Their circle was smaller in numbers and spread across the land, but they would always be friends. Therefore when Elrond built Imladris, he created three wings of the Last Homely House, one for family, one for guests, and one for staff. Erestor, Glorfindel, Lindir, and now Raina, shared the space with him and his children. Glorfindel led her to a room next to his.
"Your things are being brought up. Elrond's having a private dinner for you tonight in on of the smaller halls. He'll introduce you to the children hen and Lindir will be there." He said as she took a moment to look around.
"Who took care of him? His parents entrusted him to us, but we were both killed so soon after." She questioned.
"Erestor took him. Elrond had just married Celebrian and was building this place as well. Erestor raised him and he is marvelous, sister. He is the most wonderful artist." Raina could see the love shining through her brother's eyes not only for their little cousin, but also for Erestor. Glorfindel had always been so serious in his former life. Now he was full of life and his spirit seemed brighter than ever.
"You and Erestor have finally found one another, and stopped your dancing." She stated it as a fact, and watched her brother's cheek color slightly. "I am happy for you."
"We've set a bonding date. Lindir has found someone as well. Erestor's assistant, Rineithel has caught his eye. They haven't set a date yet. I think they're taking their time being together and learning each other full. I approve of their relationship."
"If they have your approval, then mine is given as well. You were always harder to please than me." They spent a few more moments together before he left to attend his duties. Her things were delivered to her room, so she unpacked her bags into the wardrobe.
Elrond sat at his study desk staring into the distance. His mind was reeling over the return of his true love. Like Celebrian, Raina, had been a great friend to him, however he had truly loved Raina, where as he had only been fond of Celebrian. Their marriage had been mostly political. Had things been different, had Raina not perished in the fall of Gondolin, he would have asked for hand. His three beautiful children would have called her Amme, instead of Celebrian. Chances were that had Raina been in Celebrian's place when the Orcs attacked, she would not have been captured. She was a warrior, where Celebrian was a soft petal flower. He shook himself free of his 'what if' thoughts. They were pointless. He couldn't change the past, and Raina was there anyway. She had been sent back, just like her brother. They were chosen ones, favored by the Valar. He was very luck in his friends. Not many were given a second chance in love, and even fewer in life itself.
Dinnertime approached quickly, faster than any of the elves anticipated, and they anticipated a great deal. Each one was anxious to be together in on company, a company of old and dear friends. Erestor arrived first as per his usual. Also per usual, Glorfindel followed closely behind, for wherever Erestor went, he was sure to be there as well. Elrond arrived next, discussing a bit of information with Rineithel and Lindir was only a second after them with his harp. Elladan, Elrohir, and Arwen arrived together, the twins flanking their sister. They knew who they were to meet and who she was to their father. Elrond had told them of love and lest, how one differed from the other. He wanted his children to be happy and not suffer from a loveless bond for the sake of friendship and alliance. He had told them of his great love and her death. He had even told them that had she lived, she would have been their Amme. Elrond held very few secrets from his children, young though they were.
Raina was the last to arrive. She was greeted with applause and cheers to welcome her back into the lands of the living. She hugged her brother and Erestor, quietly thanking him for Lindir's care.
"Lindir, my little sprite." She greeted her cousin with a soft hug. She had always loved children, and had happily agreed to care for him before the dark times had pulled her away. They shared many things. It was obvious in their look, they were related, and they had the same sparkling green eyes.
"My cousin, my angel. I'm so happy you've come back to us. The world is indeed a brighter place not that the Golden Flowers have returned." Lindir returned her hug. "I want to introduce Rineithel, my mate." She hugged him as well. Rin was small, even for an elf, but very beautiful, like glass, He had hair the color of perfect sable, and eyes to match, and in those eyes was a timelessness that was rarely seen in one so young.
"Mae govannon, cousin." She kissed Rineithel's cheek before releasing him. Elrond approached her then.
"Raina, these are my sons: Elladan and Elrohir." He gestured to one twin then the other. She made a quick study of them so that she could tell them apart. Elladan wore his hair in braids, where Elrohir wore his loose. Elrohir also had true grey eyes like his father, where Elladan's were closer to blue, like his mother. "And this is my daughter, Arwen." Arwen had her mother's facial structure, but everything else was Elrond. Raina gave them a slight bow.
"I am honored." She answered. When it came time to sit for dinner, the children flanked her. She had caught their interest and Raina quickly learned Arwen had every bit of he mother's precociousness.
"Lady Raina, are you the lady Ada was in love with in Gondolin?" She asked abruptly.
"Yes, we were in love in my former life. We had been friends for many years before that though. My heart called for him. We were to court, but the war started, and we were called to battle. Then I died in the fight, and we never had our chance." Raina answered truthfully.
"Did it hurt to die?" This question came from Elladan.
"Not really. The blade was very sharp. It cut through the plates of my armor and pierced my heart. It feels cold though and then your soul just sort of floats out of your body and you can see yourself below. Then you're in the Halls of Waiting to be greeted by Namo. But that was just me. I know my brother suffered a painful death."
"Are you happy to be back in Arda?" This time Elrohir asked.
"Yes, very happy. I have missed this world, my family, and my friends."
The conversation ebbed and flowed around Raina. The children kept her busy with questions about their father, Erestor, Glorfindel, and even Lindir. When she looked at the children, she saw their father and very little of their mother. If things had been different, the three precious elflings would have been hers and Elrond's and she wished they were. It was the first time in her long life; she had wanted something that belonged to someone else. Raina chided herself silently for being jealous of a woman long gone to the shores of Valinor.
"Raina." Elrond prompted. She had let her mind wander during the lull in conversation. She looked around. Lindir and Rin were excusing themselves as Erestor and Glorfindel bid them a good evening. Elladan and Elrohir were leaning against each other in sleep. Arwen had laid her head in Raina's lap earlier. Elrond scooped up the twins and she picked up the little she-elf.
"Let's tuck them into their beds." He said quietly as he led the way back to the family wing. Arwen turned in her sleep and wrapped an arm around Raina's neck. Elladan and Elrohir had curled their hands into their father's hair. Raina opened the door Elrond gestured to. It showed a cozy room decorated with stars and moonflowers. She knew it was Arwen's. She reached down and pulled back the quilt and settled the girl into bed and covered. She brushed her soft hair away from her face and kissed her brow. In a perfect world Arwen would have been hers; She shut the door and looked to Elrond. He gestured to the next set of doors. She took Elrohir from his father so that he could tuck in Elladan, and then tucked him into his own bed, herself. She kissed their brows and followed Elrond out. He led the way to his private study, which adjoined his own rooms. When they were finally alone, he pulled her close.
"I have missed you so much. I lost you and Glorfindel, my love and good friend, and then our King, all too quickly and close together. Were it not for Erestor and Celebrian, I would not have survived. Erestor had a rough time as well. He lost his love as well, but he had Lindir to care for." Elrond trailed off.
"What made you bond with Celebrian?" Raina asked softly.
"Celeborn came to me. I was already building Imladris and I refused the kingship. He wanted an alliance and even though I would do anything for him, he suggested the marriage. It was mutually beneficial though, because it gave Celeborn and I an official alliance and it spared Celebrian from Thuranduil's advances. You are still friends with him, because you know nothing of the final battle. Oropher was not a good general. Thuranduil blames us for his father's death. We have not spoken since, even worse was when Celebrian married me over him."
"Thuranduil and I were never great friends. He simply tolerated me for the sake of my brother, whom he worshipped." She paused for a moment. "Did you love her?"
"I was fond of her, but I never loved her. I'm afraid our marriage killed our friendship as well. We grew apart very quickly. It's on thing to voluntarily spend time with someone, but when you have no choice, it strains the relationship. I was quite surprised when she became pregnant. I had thought that she would never want children with me because they would carry the stigma of being Peredhil, something she didn't tolerate very well. She was never close to them though. She became cold after Arwen. She was very different after you death. I think our bonding killed her spirit and then the attack was just too much. We released each other and she went to Valinor. That was the only kindness I could give her.
"Did she not love the elflings?"
"I don't know. I was always the loving one, because she showed them very little affection, but I think she could not bear that all looked so much like me. She had hoped that at least Arwen would be like her. Now I find Arwen to be most like me."
"They are all beautiful. I confess to wishing that they were mine, for they have already stolen my heart, especially Arwen."
"I knew you would love them, and they you. I do not keep secrets from my children. They know of my love for you and how their mother and I were not well suited. They know that if things had been different, they would have been yours." Raina looked up sharply. He had given voice to her own traitorous thoughts. Her shock must have shown on her face. "Don't be surprised. Surely you knew how I felt when I asked to court you, before our plans went so awry. I have always loved you. I remember the first time I saw you. I thought for sure you were one of the Valar. I always wanted you in my life, as the mother of my children, as my wife. I was fond of Celebrian, but I never wanted her the way I wanted you, the way I want you."
"You couldn't have been more than an elflings when you saw me the first time…"
"I was not yet twenty. You stole my heart then and I wanted you to have it. I meant it. If things had been different, my elflings would have been yours as well."
"You have loved me for so long. I must confess that I knew you even then, as Elrond. It wasn't until you were well past you majority that Galadriel read my future. I knew that I was supposed to be with you. Your elflings were supposed to be mine. My death was unplanned. It was not mean to be. She never saw it. Something went terribly wrong. The Valar told me it was taken care of and my life has been restored, but even they cannot give us back the time that was stolen from us. Elrond, I love you. My heart has never stopped calling for you. You were what I was missing." Raina was close to tears. She finally let them fall, as Elrond wrapped her in his arms again.
"As my heart calls for you. I want to be one with you." He leaned forward to kiss her when a soft set of voices interrupted them.
"Ada?" All three chorused.
"Yes children?" Elrond sighed.
"We want Raina to be our Amme, like you said she should have been." Arwen stated. She was the most outspoken of the three, even when sleepy.
"She will be for as long as she'll have us." Elrond answered.
"Forever then." Raina replied. "Now aren't you three supposed to be in bed?" The children nodded and hugged her before returning to their rooms.
"Forever with you sounds wonderful." Elrond commented when they were alone again.
"Its good then, that I wont ever leave you again. You are my future, Elrond. Nothing will change that."
"Good." He pulled her into a soft kiss. "Because I don't plan on letting you out of my sight for at least a century."
