This story is set in the same universe as my drabbles. Expect updates to be few and far between as my life is crazy busy right now. This story kind of begins in the middle and will probably be told in flashback style. I think. Maybe. So far, it is definitely darker than anything else I have written but hopefully it'll become lighter and fluffier:-D

Anyways, as you know I own nothing but the plot because everything else you recognize is the work of the lovely, talented JKR and of course her and her people own it all.

Of course, that's obvious because if I'd written the story, Sirius would not be dead and Harry would be a girl because IMHO there just are not enough girl!leads in books! Lol. Anyways, I hope you like it so far and please do let me know what you don't like and what you do and what you think should be changed. Also, I really need a beta so if anyone has the time and the inclination, please PM me and let me know!


"Headmaster, perhaps Black's mind should be checked…after all, the Dark Lord had both him and Ms. Potter captive for 3 months. Black may well be under some compulsion or mind altering potion." Snape's cruel sneer showed his absolute delight at the thought that Sirius was responsible for the recent spate of attacks. Before any of the Order members could chime in and defend Sirius or perhaps agree with Snape, Dumbledore spoke.

"Severus, please, at least attempt to show some tact!"

"Unfortunately Minerva, I'm afraid that Severus is correct regarding the possibility of a compulsion. Sirius, you have my trust of course; however, we know for a fact the two of you were tortured. Since Maria, understandably, refuses to speak of those three months we have no other way of telling if you are under any compulsions." Ever since Maria and Sirius's capture and subsequent torture, it seemed that Albus Dumbledore's famous twinkle had permanently disappeared.

"Albus! How can you even suggest-" Lily began before she was interrupted by Sirius.

"No, Lils, I can't believe I'm saying this, but Snape's right. I can't remember a thing about those three months. All we know is about the physical torture and that's only because of Poppy's scans. I need to know what happened, I haven't asked Maria because it gets her so upset, but I need to know." With Sirius's agreement, Albus flooed Hogwart's Hospital Wing and had Poppy come over to Potter Manor. The Order members slowly settled back into their seats, while those close to Sirius gathered around him. The outrage was quite clear on the faces' of the Order members around the renegade Black heir. At the same time, the wary looks being cast his way by the seated Order members, showed the clear divide between those who trusted him and those who suspected him.

"Sirius, are you sure about this, I mean Poppy said there's a reason your mind blocked the memories out." James looked worried and Remus, Peter, and Lily were quick to chime in with their support of James' words.

"I might regret it, but I would rather know for sure that I'm not unknowingly betraying the Order." Before anyone else could attempt to dissuade Sirius again, the fire turned green and Poppy immediately stepped out. Moody, Poppy, Snape, and Dumbledore quietly began to discuss which tests should be performed on Sirius. After rejecting most of Snape's unnecessarily intrusive suggestions, the four approached the group gathered around Sirius. The three other Marauders immediately gathered to flank and surround the fourth member of their group. He gently moved the others away from him and sat down in the cushioned seat behind him.

"Sirius, we will need to restrain you as some of the tests are intrusive. Although, these so-called tests shouldn't even be occurring since you are still RECOVERING from almost certain DEATH!" Poppy's voice rose sharply as she glared at the three men beside her, the contempt clear from her expression. If her looks could kill, Severus, Albus, and Mad-Eye would have been long dead and buried.

"You're too good to me Madame Pompfrey. I mean, if everyone had a Mediwitch as, wonderful and caring as you, I doubt we'd have any sick or injured people around!" Sirius smiled charmingly at the blushing Hogwarts Mediwitch and then immediately ducked Lily's exasperated swat. He turned and flashed a grin at the smirking redhead behind him.

"Try to keep it in your pants for a few minutes, Padfoot!" Before Sirius or the others could respond to Peter's playful taunt, Snape spoke out.

"ENOUGH! We are here to see how much information Black betrayed to the Dark Lord not to watch his infantile attempts at flirting."

"Someone's jealous." James' mocking whisper caused most everyone within earshot to muffle his or her snickers.

"Yeah, but is he jealous of Poppy or Sirius?" Lily's taunting words and amused expression hid her rage at Snape for attacking the man who in her and most everyone else's eyes was responsible for Maria returning home alive.

Before the battle of words could degenerate into a battle with wands, Dumbledore waved everyone to their seats. He, Alastor, and Poppy quietly drew up chairs and began to explain to Sirius what tests would be performed.

"Poppy will be testing you again for any physical changes that may have occurred. Specifically, she's going to be looking for changes in your blood chemistry, this will allow us to better detect if you've been drugged with some sort of potion. Alastor will then be testing you for any compulsions. He is also going to give you a mild truth serum and then make sure you don't have any unusual, unexpected behavioral changes. Finally, I will be checking for any other gaps in your memory, blackouts, or other memory modification not related to the three months in Voldemort's clutches. Then, if I have your permission, I will attempt to bring back your memories of the three months in Voldemort's clutches." Poppy and those supporting Sirius looked livid at the last suggestion, they had seen how badly Sirius was injured when he was finally rescued. It made sense that the memories were so horrific that Sirius' mind had blocked them out to protect itself. Snape, on the other hand, looked utterly delighted, especially since testing for memory charms had been his suggestion. His only regret was that Albus would not allow him to break the memory charms himself. Albus and Moody were apologetic but determined, as the leaders of the Order they knew they had to think of the greater good, despite their fondness for the mischievous Black heir.

"You have my permission. Can we just, get this over with? I'm tired of discussing it." Sirius' expression was perfectly calm and placid. Internally, he was a mess; somehow he knew he would soon regret agreeing to these tests. All three nodded and slowly began their tests. Poppy ran through an entire battery of tests before finally smiling. She turned to Albus and confirmed that not only was Sirius clear of any and all potions, he was also recovering nicely from the tortures. Moody's tests were shorter but more invasive and Sirius was quite glad when his boss finished them. Moody also confirmed Sirius clean of any compulsions or abnormal behavioral changes. At first, Albus seemed to be about to also confirm Sirius clean and in the clear. But then he stopped and frowned. He slowly turned to look at first Severus, then at Poppy and Moody. Finally, he turned back to Sirius and spoke in a sad, worried voice.

"I cannot simply restore your memories of the three months." Dumbledore sighed, and slowly lowered his wand. "You've been obliviated Sirius, removing the charm will be extremely painful."

"I don't care. Remove it." Before anyone could stand up and argue with him, Sirius stood up. "NO. I want to know what the FUCK they did to me."

"Very well." Dumbledore swished his wand down and a glittering, blue light hit Sirius in the temple. He staggered back and at first it seemed to have had no effect.

"Sirius? Are you ok-" Worried, Remus moved towards his friend, but before he could finish his sentence Sirius looked up. His eyes were devoid of any emotion save horror. As, his friends, basically his family, looked on, Sirius seemed to crumble in on himself. He was completely and utterly devastated, and when he fell to his knees and buried his face in his hands no one knew what to do.

"No oh god, no no no, please no oh god!" The litany of horrified exclamations broke the heart of almost every person within earshot. James moved hand to his best friend's shoulder in a move meant to comfort Sirius. But, Sirius' reaction made it quite clear that James was no comfort to him. Sirius glanced up at James and his eyes widened in horror as he immediately stood and then with an unusually loud crack was gone.

"Is it Sirius then, is he the traitor?" Kingsley's quiet murmur seemed incredibly loud in the suddenly silent room.

"Traitor? What are you all talking about?" Immediately everyone turned to the doorway, where stood none other than the girl-who-lived, Maria Jamie Potter. A fierce, protective expression on her face she entered and surveyed the room. She had spied on enough Order meetings growing up that she was easily able to tell that every Order member but Sirius was in the room. She also knew her friends and family well enough to know they were trying to protect her from some information they felt might distress her. "Well, isn't anyone going to answer me?" Seeing that no one else was about to explain, Dumbledore quietly began to explain that the Order had decided to test Sirius for compulsions and the like in order to ensure he was not the traitor. "You did what!" The horror that spread across Maria's space was expected, but the fear was not. "Oh my God, what did you do?"

"You knew about the memory charm, didn't you." George Weasley's quiet statement caused everyone to turn to him. Even Fred looked surprised by the accusation. "Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"Of course I knew! I'm the one that-" Abruptly she broke off and turned away to compose herself. "Where is he? Where did –?" Before she could finish her questions, she was interrupted by many of the angry, worried, and scared Order members.

"You're the one that placed the memory charm on him. But why?" James' matter-of-fact statement and query caused everyone else to fall silent as they stared between father and daughter.

"You wouldn't understand. You weren't there."

"So explain it to us."

"Dad. I can't, its-he's the bravest person I know. I love him, Daddy. I always have, ever since I was a little girl. He kept me safe from those monsters. I couldn't just-" She broke off and began to cry softly.

"Maria, we broke the memory charm. I believe Sirius remembers everything now. We must know what happened if we are to help him." Maria turned to stare at Dumbledore her shock plain on her face. She slowly sank into the chair that moments before Sirius had occupied.

"Daddy, I-I need you to promise me something. I need you to promise me, you won't blame him."

"Princess-"

"No Daddy, you have to promise."

"I promise." Tears silently and slowly dripping down her face, Maria wrapped her hands around the tiny, golden locket that had been her fourteenth birthday present from Sirius. Then, slowly, haltingly, she began to explain the events of the previous summer, the summer after her fifth year.

"They tortured us, they used the cruciatus obviously. But, they also used anything and everything else they could think of, whips, chains, knives, whatever they could think of they used. They burned us, they beat us, they taunted us, and they threatened us. They would tell us that everyone we loved had been killed. They said Voldemort had won and we were going to be his personal slaves for the rest of our lives. Everyday that went by and we didn't break they grew more vicious, more desperate. Some of the other Death Eaters, not the one's in the inner circle, the others, they always stared at me, but the way they looked at me made me feel so disgusting. But, the inner circle had forbidden everyone from touching me, that way. After about two months, the inner circle Death Eaters started going out for more raids and they weren't around as often to control the minor death eaters. They would, they would-" Maria swallowed hard and bit her lip, her voice soft and sad she looked at Dumbledore, a pleading expression on her face. "Please, I just, I need to talk to Sirius."

"Finish your story Potter you can moon over the Mutt later."

"Severus! That is quite enough! Maria, I will not stop you from going after Sirius but you must first explain to us why Sirius is so upset. We cannot help him if we do not know what the problem is." She nodded slowly and wringing her hands, continued her tale.

"Um, well they would leer and some of them-. They were planning to r-rape me. But, Sirius, whenever the inner circle members weren't around, he would taunt them and draw their attention to himself. They were always so busy hurting him, they would forget about me." She suddenly broke off and turned to glare at those Order members who she knew disliked Sirius and judged him simply because he was a Black. "Sirius can't possibly be the traitor because the Death Eaters were getting information from the outside when we were trapped in those dungeons. The day before you came to rescue us an inner circle Death Eater walked in. Sirius and I both paid attention to him because he was still wearing his mask. All the others had wanted us to see their faces when they tortured us. Neither one of us recognized his voice, but Sirius thought he was probably disguising it somehow, since he didn't seem to want us to know who he was. He told us that the Order had organized a rescue mission and they would be coming to rescue us within a day. For a second, I thought that maybe he was on our side, but then he laughed. He laughed and I was so scared, he said it wouldn't matter when they came to rescue us because we would both be broken by then." James slowly sank down by her and pulled her into a hug.

"Please, princess, we need to know what he did." The crackle of the fire was unnaturally loud in the otherwise silent room. Every person was completely focused on Maria. Every person save one. Severus Snape struggled to hold in the delighted smile that was threatening to erupt across his face. The thought of knowing Black would soon be hated by every person who had once cared for him was so delicious he could barely control himself. It was desperately hard to hide his joy at knowing he had finally gotten his revenge on Black. He would soon have his revenge on Potter senior and his bitch wife as well, after all, wouldn't the two be devastated when their precious, innocent daughter would turn to him after Black's betrayal. He knew she claimed to have forgiven Black, but that was back when he didn't remember what he had done. Snape was a potion's master, all he needed was a few specific potions and Black would destroy every shred of trust Maria had left for the mutt. Soon enough she would warm his bed and it would destroy James Potter.

"He called the other death eaters in, the minor ones. They had a potion with them, it looked disgusting but it smelled like everything wonderful, like chocolate and Quidditch and the beach and- it's hard to describe. He told us that the potion was the most powerful lust potion every invented, that even though those under its influence knew what they were doing was wrong, they were unable to stop themselves. Then, he ordered the other death eaters to crucio us. I lost count after the 5th time I was hit. When Sirius and I were both barely conscious, they forced Sirius to drink the potion. We'd been chained to the floor before but they unchained him and shifted me so that I was-I was stretched up on my tiptoes against the wall. Then they laughed at us and they left the room. They told Sirius to have fun and that they were going to allow him first dibs on me even though he was a blood traitor. The masked death eater, he hit me with an imperius and told me to struggle and scream and beg and plead with Sirius not to do what he was going to do under the potion's influence. He said that it would be so much worse for Sirius to know how much he had shattered my trust when he remembered my screams. Then he left the room too. I guess the death eater didn't know or maybe forgot that I can throw off the imperius."

"Oh Merlin! I was defending him. I was sitting here and…" Before Lily could finish her sentence, Maria turned to her mother with a fierce, determined expression.

"Let me finish. I don't blame Sirius. He couldn't possibly have fought off the potion especially not after all those crucios." With a sad sigh and glance to her father, she continued her tale before anyone could interrupt again or argue with her. "I didn't fight him. I didn't scream or struggle or anything. I knew the death eater was right about one thing. Sirius would blame himself no matter what. But I thought that maybe if I encouraged him instead of fighting him, he might blame himself less. So, I did, I encouraged him. And once it was done, once the potion wore off." She took in a deep breath and blinked away tears. "He stepped back and he looked at me and I-." She broke off and her voice was so quiet even Remus had to strain to hear her. "I'd never seen him cry before. Not ever. Then the masked death eater walked in and he laughed. I was so angry, Sirius is such an important part of my life and to have our relationship, our friendship ruined because of some disgusting, greasy death eater!" The lights all flickered as Maria struggled to control her magic. Most everyone was so stunned by Maria's revelation they stayed frozen in their seats. James, however, although devastated by what he had heard had been paying strict attention to every word out of his only child's mouth. Therefore, he was the only one who picked up on Maria's reference to a greasy death eater, and his eyes immediately shifted to Snape. Snape who was staring at James' beloved daughter with barely concealed triumph and lust. It was only because Maria had begun to speak again that Snape was saved from James' rage but James swore he would soon have revenge. "He, the death eater I mean, released me from the chains and he tossed me a wand. He said that it was one of those modified wands from Knockturn, that it could only cast the Killing Curse, once. He told me I should get revenge against Sirius. Sirius just-he just stood there like he expected me to kill him, like he wished I would. The death eater started laughing again and I was so angry. I just, I killed him, I killed the death eater."

"You killed him?" The absolute rage James felt towards Snape suddenly faded into confusion.

"Yes. I used the wand on the death eater then, when he fell over I reached through the bars and I got his wand. I used it to melt the bars to make us a hole to escape through. But Sirius he just stood there and I knew that he was going to do something stupid and get himself killed because he blamed himself. So, I-I asked him if he trusted me and when he nodded I told him to close his eyes and I obliviated him. Then, we left the dungeons and we ran into Lucius Malfoy and I don't know why but he helped us to the secret passage. You all know the rest, we stumbled out of the passage and you all were entering it and then we came to Hogwarts and Poppy healed us." She finished in a rush, then took a deep breath, and stood up. "I'm going to go find Sirius now." And with a soft pop, she was gone.


Teaser:

The cold wind at the top of the tower made her shiver. She much preferred the dungeons to the towers. It made sense what with her being a Slytherin. Of course, the fact that he being a former Gryffindor had chosen to hide in a tower also made sense if you looked at it that way. She quietly stepped over to where he sat, legs swinging back and forth over the edge. She silently sank down next to him, but when she went to slip her hand into his, he moved away. Hurt, she reached up and turned his face towards hers and brushed away the tears that had filled his eyes. She let her hand drop back down to her lap and looked out over Hogwarts' grounds. It was a clear, winter day and the white snow covering made everything seem so pure and good.

"Why don't you hate me?" The hoarse whisper caused her to turn away from her examination of the grounds.

"If I hurt you because I didn't have a choice, would you hate me?"

"I could never hate you, but…"

"I love you." Silence and then he, finally, finally after weeks of silence and avoidance, he reached for her.

"Always?" The brilliant smile that broke across her face as he said what was normally her part in their traditional ritual caused his own lips to quirk up in a slight smile.

"Forever."


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