Pretty short, pretty dark.

Normal: thoughts

Italics: dreams


Scar

Thoughts sweep my mind. It's the same. It's always the same,I fight it, I try to escape my thoughts, silly really. No one can help me, no one's here to take the bullet. Why do I even try? I always fail.

Thoughts swamp me. Millions killed, all you did was cause a longer war, all because a dream told you to. Fang might of done the killing, but I gave the order. I tell myself I've changed but I keep thinking. Changed? Why is Hope a L'Cie? Who forced him to chase Snow? He barely wanted to go, but you made him.

It wasn't supposed to happen, It was an accident, It was meant for good. Exactly like your first Focus? you'll never change. I try to Deny it, but I feel the tears. I wont hurt anyone, not any more. I said it, I meant it.

You lied to Fang. Same reason, meant for good. Run from our focus, don't let her decide. As if I know what's best.

Fang, she's always been their, fighting my corner no matter the cost. She'd die for me, even for a chance to save me. Do I deserve her? I do. I fight this one hard, I think of any and and every reason. I've defended her in battle, made sure she knew what she was doing. Made sure she did what you wanted. Questioned everything you weren't sure about, until she forced you to run. It was to keep her safe! It was. I'm curled up as tightly as I can bare, regretting trying to sleep, regretting everything I've ever done. But it doesn't stop, it never does.

You ran to escape, but knew you couldn't. When Sazh turned his gun on you, you took the chance at death. Regardless of the consequences for Sazh, and without thought for Fang. I didn't know the consequences, and he had the right to kill me. And Cocoon didn't? I start crying, hard. Is anyone still awake? Has it been seconds or hours?

You deserve to be dead. I know that. I guess this makes me fearless, but I don't want to fight this every night. Choosing the easy way out? like always. No, I wont, it's not fair on Fang, it's not fair on anyone. I should feel strong. But the fact that I have to fight suicide, every night, it's crushing.

Thoughts pour over me, I fight them all, but I feel them overcome me. I feel hot, my heart starts to race, I need to escape. My eyes burst open, It's morning. Another night survived, another day to forget. Someday I'll find something to shake this, At least, I hope so.


I hope you liked it (really gotta say more A/N's)