IWriteNaked: I've had this idea for a while now, but didn't want to write it alone, so I asked The Poly Lama to do a collab with me. I feel good about the outcome.
It was a pleasure to get drunk and write this one shot with my girl, The Poly Lama. I hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! I hope to write with you again, very soon! Go check out her stories after you read this.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Mortal Instruments. But if I have to watch my brother playing Minecraft for another minute, I'm gonna kill a man.
The Poly Lama: Hi! I'm The Poly Lama, and yeah, I fangirl over IWriteNaked! Thanks for reading this! Love to hear from ya ;-)
"You're telling me you're not gay?" Isabelle said skeptically.
"No, I'm not. Why is that so hard to believe?" Magnus answered, while placing a Victoria's Secret bra back on the rack.
"You work in Victoria's Secret, and you're covered in glitter," she said with a smirk. "You ordered a skinny laté on our lunch break. You smell like strawberries. What is hetero about that, Bane?"
"Camille. Tessa. Kaelie."
"What?" Isabelle asked.
"They can assure you that I am very heterosexual, Lightwood," Magnus answered. "And those are just the girls from this week."
"I don't believe you!"
"Well believe it, because if you don't, I might have to prove it by kissing you!"
"That doesn't prove shit," she exclaimed. "I have a better idea."
"Go on..."
"My father has a polygraph and my brother, Alec, knows how to operate it," she announced.
"Alec? The one with the blue eyes?" Magnus bit his lip, looking down at his purple boots.
"See! That's my frickin' point! A heterosexual male would not notice how blue my brother's eyes are! Gay, Bane. I am telling you," she said, shaking her finger at him.
"They're so blue! How can I not notice that?" Magnus defended.
"You're taking the fucking test," she announced. "Come over to my house today, after work and take the damn test, Magnus. I can drop off you there, because I have to pick up a couple things from home on my way to my friend's house, but Alec will be there, because he doesn't have a life, so I'm sure he will have no problem giving you the test, okay?"
"Fine," Magnus decided, while putting a pair of pink panties on a mannequin. "I'll take the stupid test."
"That's right. You will." She grinned. Isabelle wasn't the type to take no for an answer.
"It better not take long though. I don't want to miss General Hospital."
"Yeah, you're straight, alright," she muttered while dressing a mannequin in matching zebra print bra and panties. "I've never heard a less gay statement in my life."
"Get back to work, Lightwood. These panties aren't going to put themselves away!"
"Hey guys! Where are you headed?" Simon asked them on the way out the door.
"I'm forcing Magnus out of the closet," Isabelle announced.
"Magnus is in the closet?" Simon asked.
"No," Magnus answered. "I like girls."
"Then have sex with me," Isabelle suggested.
"What?!" Magnus and Simon shouted in unison before Magnus added: "I don't want your herpes, Izzy."
"I do not have herpes!" she objected.
"That's not what Maia Roberts said."
"Herpes would be afraid to touch Iz," Simon said.
"I don't think herpes listens to those it infects," Magnus muttered. "I could be like 'Yo, Simon, pick my cotton!' Then you would be like 'Pick yo' own cotton, you jive honky sucka.' And then you would wreak havoc upon my genitals as usual. Bitch."
Isabelle looked at him with her mouth open. "What did you even just say?"
Magnus shrugged. "I heard it on Jerry Springer."
"Get in the damn car," Isabelle demanded, while shaking her head. "We'll see you tomorrow, Simon."
"Alec?!" Isabelle called as they crossed the threshold.
"Down here!" he called from the basement. "I'm painting my nails."
Magnus raised one of his perfectly tweezed eyebrows. "He's painting his nails?"
"Yes," she said. "Alec is gay. Have fun!" she said before pushing him toward the stairs and bounding up the stairs toward her bedroom.
"Magnus?" Alec called. "Is that you? Iz said I have to give you a lie detector test, but I think the fee for that is a blowjob..."
Magnus's heart skipped a beat. It's not that he hadn't thought about blowing Alec...it's just that he never thought he would get the chance. "Uh..."
Alec laughed. "I'm joking. Come on down, and we'll get started."
Magnus walked into the room. "Alright, what do I need to do?" He asked.
"Okay, first things first, take your clothes off," Alec stated.
Magnus's jaw hit the floor, but he reached for his belt just to see if Alec would stop him. "If you say so..."
Alec grinned. "That's not really required, but I'm not going to stop you..."
"Well, I don't know! I've never done this before, so if you say it, I have to believe it."
"Oh well in that case, you're supposed to answer the first six questions with your lips wrapped around my cock."
Magnus bit his lip and looked down at his shoes. "I don't think that's how this works, Alexander."
"How do you know that what Alec is short for? My name could be Aloysius, and you would never know."
"That would be ridiculous," Magnus told him.
"I'm offended," Alec said. "That was my grandfather's name, actually," he huffed.
"Oh shit! For real? I'm sorry!" Magnus backpedalled.
"Naw, I'm just fuckin with you." Alec laughed.
"You're evil, Alexander Gideon Lightwood."
"How do you know my middle name?"
Magnus shrugged. "I may have asked Isabelle about you."
Alec gave him a knowing look. "Sit down," he commanded. "We should get this test started. I really don't want to miss General Hospital for this."
Magnus sat in the chair across from Alec. "So, what do I actually need to do?"
Alec picked up this thing that looked like a blood pressure machine. "I'll hook you up."
Magnus's heart leaped into his throat at the thought of Alec getting so close to him, but he tried to keep his cool. "Alright."
Alec proceeded to adjust the necessary attachments, hooking the machine up to Magnus. "So, we're going to be starting with easy, small talk questions just to get the ball rolling, alright?"
Magnus nodded, trying not to seem as nervous as he felt.
"How old are you?" Alec asked.
"Would you believe me if I said I'm 20?"
"Is that your final answer?" Alec inquired.
"Am I supposed to tell the truth or not?" Magnus asked.
"You're supposed to answer truthfully to all of the questions." he answered. "The machine needs to see what your rhythms look like when you tell the truth, so that it will be able to differentiate when you're lying."
"But you just said I'm supposed to tell the truth for all of the questions, so wouldn't I not be lying?" Magnus sat back in his chair, crossing one leg over the other.
"Ugh. Yes, but on the off chance that you do lie to the machine, it will know."
"Oh, okay then. I'm 22."
"What is your astrological sign?"
"Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Magnus mocked.
"Just answer the damn question," Alec commanded.
"Leo," he declared.
"Okay, what's your favourite colour?"
"Glitter."
"Glitter is not a colour!"
"Blasphemy!" Magnus yelled angrily. "It's the best colour of all!""
"Boxers or briefs?" Alec asked with a sinister smirk.
"I don't see how that's relevant," Magnus protested.
"Answer please," Alec whined.
"Neither," he whispered, barely loud enough for Alec to hear.
"What, do you wear women's panties?"
"No, I go commando," he admitted.
Alec pulled out a little notepad, and made a notation before he proceeded to ask: "What kind of shampoo do you use?"
"What kind of question is that?"
"Well, you smell like strawberries, so I was curious."
"I use a brand called Raziel's," he told him.
"Okay, and what is your favourite sport?"
"Tennis."
"Are you gay?" Alec asked out of the blue.
After a few moments of hesitation, Magnus finally admit, "I'm not sure."
"Wanna find out?" Alec winked.
"How am I supposed to do that?"
"Come sit beside me and I'll tell you."
"Okay," Magnus said before removing the attachments of the machine and crossing the room to sit beside Alec. "What did you have in mind, Alexander?"
"It kills me when you call me Alexander," he groaned.
"In a good way?" Magnus asked hopefully.
Alec glanced down at the bulge in his pants. "You can be the judge of that."
Magnus's eyes bulged, and he looked away quickly, despite his desire to stare. "That was unexpected."
"You're so cute!" Alec exclaimed with a small laugh. "You really haven't noticed at all."
"Noticed what?" Magnus asked, avoiding eye contact.
"That I'm way into you."
"Oh. That's good."
"Is it?" Alec questioned.
"Maaaybe."
"I see. Well, I find these chairs awfully uncomfortable, don't you? We should take this to the couch."
Magnus nodded enthusiastically. "I believe in that."
"Do you believe in magic?"
"You know I do." Magnus wasn't sure what Alec meant, but he decided to play along, regardless.
"What's the furthest you've ever gone with a guy?" Alec placed his hand on Magnus's and led him toward the couch.
"I've never even kissed a guy," Magnus admitted shyly as they sat down on the black leather couch.
"Great, then let's start there." Alec drew Magnus in close, grasping his shirt to maneuver him to where he wanted him to be.
"What are you gonna do?" Magnus panicked.
"Just a kiss," Alec assured him. "We don't have to do anything you aren't comfortable with."
"Can I close my eyes?"
"Whatever you want, Sparkles," Alec whispered, low and sexy in his ear.
Magnus's eyes closed as Alec leaned closer. He could feel his breath fanning out on his face, and his heart rallied against his ribcage. As their mouths neared, Alec's hands went into Magnus's hair, covering his fingertips in glitter. It wasn't long before Magnus himself closed the space between their lips, as if he'd been wandering through a desert all his life and Alec's mouth was a pristine oasis. All it took was one kiss, and Magnus could swear that he tasted the next 60 years of his life.
In that moment, there was no past, there was nothing before this. There was only Magnus, and Alec and everything that one kiss represented. There was fire, hot passion, but also, there was sensual longing and tenderness.
Magnus didn't know anything about relationships—he didn't know shit about love, but he knew that there was no way he could go back upstairs and pretend nothing happened. He couldn't go back to a life where he pretended to be interested in only girls, just to appease his father.
He also couldn't go back to a time before Alec. Something had happened when their lips met, and this boy in front of him, was no longer just his co-worker's brother. The only question that remained. The most important one of all. Had Alec felt it too?
Alec broke the kiss. "Well, Tiger. That. was. special. Was that your first kiss? Like ever?"
Magnus shook his head. "Was it really that bad?"
"No!" Alec protested. "It wasn't bad, you just...didn't kiss me back."
"I'm sorry!" Magnus cried. "I was nervous. Can we try again?
Alec grinned. "Of course we can try again... I've kind of...been waiting to kiss you since Izzy got hired at Victoria's Secret."
"Oh my gosh! Really? I couldn't get your sexy blue eyes out of my head from that first time you came in to visit her. And I have to confess...that one pair of underwear that you touched while you were there...I totally bought them just so I'd have something that you'd touched."
Alec laughed uproariously. "You did what?"
"Telling you that was a mistake..." Magnus trailed off, mentally stabbing himself for being such a freak.
"I thought it was funny," Alec assured him.
"Funny in an 'Oh my god I have to get away from this psycho' kinda way? Or funny as it quirky and cute?"
"All of the above." Alec winked.
"So are you?" Magnus asked.
"Am I what?"
"Going to run screaming from the room 'cause I'm crazy pants?"
"Undecided."
And that was when Magnus rushed into him, knocking him back on the couch in a force of heated frenzy. Their mouths were a blur of activity—sucking, tasting, licking, biting—they devoured each other with fierce insistence as if they were each other's life-line. There wasn't a break; they didn't stop, as clothes came off and moans and groans tumbled out of their busy mouths. By the time they finally pull apart and get off the couch, several hours have passed.
Magnus and Alec smile at each other and Alec mutters, "It was worth missing General Hospital..."
Magnus grins. "Amen, sista!"
Let us know what you think! And then go check out The Poly Lama!
-IWriteNaked and The Poly Lama
