Panic: Part One of Two

A/N: Omg that kill shot promo! I can't believe we have to waqit two weeks! If the wait doesn't kill us the episode surely will.

Anyways I know I should be working on Realize (any many other things such as my King Lear essay, grad transitions, my novel, and I don't know maybe sleep!) but that promo was far too enticing to pass up. So here is The first part of Panic which is from Kate's POV (the second half will Be from Castle's)

I hope you enjoy (I really really like reviews btw :D)

I obviously dont own Castle or I wouldn't be writing fanfiction about it.

~Rose


Kate:
I knew Castle thought I couldn't handle this case and maybe he was right but I couldn't let him know that. Every time I heard a shot fired by this asshole all I could think of was the pain of the bullet ripping through my chest at Montgomery's funeral. As strong as I tried to be around Castle and the other members of the 12th, that day still haunted me. I didn't think I was going to make it; I thought I was going to die in Castle's arms. Now with a mad gunman loose in the city all these memories I've been trying to repress have come back to haunt me.
Castle is trying to help but he doesn't know the extent of what is going on. He doesn't even know I remember everything about the day I was shot. However he does know how badly I want to catch this bastard. "We're going to catch him Kate," he told me, using my first name like he always did when he was serious.

I was already frustrated with this case and I snapped at him. "You mean like how we caught the man who shot me?" I knew I wasn't being fair but at this point I didn't really care.

"We'll catch him Kate," Castle said again, looking me in the eyes. His eyes had been so filled with love and concern that at the time I had no choice but to believe him.

Now that I was alone in my apartment I wasn't so sure about anything. People were dying all around me and I couldn't do anything to stop it. Right now they were only strangers, what was next? Friends? Family? Castle?

I knew drinking was never the answer, my father taught me that one, but right now I needed a stiff one. I took a deep breath, pushed the curls out of my face, and poured myself a drink.

I still had the bottle in my hand when the shot went off. It was deafening as it broke through both the glass of my window and the bottle in my hand. The bottle shattered, the alcohol drenching my shirt and the glass cutting up my arm. There was so much blood. The blood on my arm, the blood on the floor, the blood pounding in my ears… I couldn't see straight; I couldn't think straight. All I knew was it was too dangerous to stay here, yet I couldn't leave.

All I could see was the memory of Castle's body over mine as the pain surged through my body when I had been shot.

I don't know how I managed or how long it took me but I somehow managed to report this shooting to the precinct, clean my arm up, and bandage it. It was deeper than I originally thought and took a fair bit of cleaning.

I couldn't stay here but I was in no state to drive. I needed to see him. I didn't want him to see me in this state but I had to make sure he was safe. Calling wouldn't be enough; I needed to see him in person.

I called a cab which took me to the loft. I took another deep breath when I got to his door so he wouldn't see how upset I was. One deep breath turned to another deep breath, which turned into hyperventilating, which turned into a full blown panic attack. I sunk down againt the wall and let the sobs overcome me.