And from then on that was all I could think about. We hadn't talked in quite sometime even though I was dying to say something, whether it was "hey" or "I can't believe it was all lies" but I couldn't bring myself to say anything, all I could do was sit back and watch, watch as my heart crumbled and neither of us really found anyone else, he'd sit within ten feet from me and would look directly at me…my eyes would meet his and….those are the times I wish none of it happened…I wish I had never been so open….so naïve…so in love…so, well ME….

And I wonder if maybe he was lying to them, maybe I was then one he was honest with….why does it have to be sooo confusing…I'd give anything to go back to before. Before he broke my heart. Before I fell in love. Before I messed everything up. Before it all fell apart at my feet and all I could do was watch.

It all started with a class that was supposed to "prepare me for the future" and a guy I never thought I'd fall for…but it'll end with us together, and if not, I'll make him wish we were………

"Pretend"

he makes me laugh

and even though he doesn't know it

he makes me cry

my walls fall down when i'm with him

nothing else matters

the next day it's like nothing happened

we didn't take a step forward

more like a jump back

i get butterflies when i'm around him

but try to play it cool

pretend like i don't care

pretend like he doesn't matter

pretend like i don't feel anything

and then i go numb the pain goes away

nothing else existsi try to escape

but he's everywhere

at school

in my thoughts

with my friends

and all i can do is pretend…..