Kropp's Homecoming

I wake from my sleep to find that it is another dim gray morning. Preparing for the day's events I remove the sheet from my body, and once again am struck hard from the sight of the remnants of my leg. Over and over again I wake up in a decent mood and every time it is soured by my constant memory lapse of the long gone limb. I still don't want to believe it.

Looking around I realize that I am in the institute for artificial limbs. I reach over from my bed and pick up my new "Toy" and put it on. With the prosthetic leg attached I am capable of basic mobility, I still have not perfected walking with it on but there is no more practice to be done here. I am to be sent back home, not my home of old but my new home Berlin. My parents have moved to be closer to our immediate family now that the war is over. I pack my things and am helped to the train. As the train loads and I am seated I close my eyes and let sleep drift over me. I awaken just in time to hear the announcement that we have stopped in Berlin. I leave the train and walk around the platform for a bit until I hear someone call out my name. I turn to find my mother racing towards me her arms outstretched, she quickly gathers me up in a hug. For some odd reason, I don't return it. Over her shoulder I can also see my father weeping as well. Strangely I feel little emotion.

It has been a few days since I have returned home and already I am contemplating plans of suicide. The people here are... different, they are always talking about the war instead of relaxing and appreciating the quiet time we have. I am constantly being harassed with questions from my family about what happened out there and how it felt. They don't seem to understand when I can't describe how I'm feeling, or how hard it is for me to revisit those memories in my mind. My Uncle Stahl has become harsh and snide with me, he claims it's the fault of poorly trained soldiers like me and my comrades for losing the war. My Uncle Jerg on the other hand is saying that the government is to blame. The one thing keeping me from ending my life is the thought of seeing my good friend Paul. I am considering taking a trip to see Paul and his family. Hopefully I'll be able to get some peace there.

I have arrived at Paul's house from the train platform and I knock on the door. Paul's sister answers and I ask after Paul. She looks at me with a sad look on her face and replies "You mean you didn't know? Please come in." I enter the house and ask what she means, she then tells me "Paul is dead, he died in October, we don't know the specifics, shortly after Paul died, my mother also died of cancer. It's just me and my father living here now."

I can't believe this, I have become numb. The one person who understood what I was going through is dead. He died right before the war ended, such cruel fate. After offering my condolences to Paul's sister and father and leave. I walk back to the train platform on my way I see Kantorek. He tries to talk to me but I will have none of it. I walk on.

It's funny what was it Kantorek used to say? "We are the Iron Youth?" What an amusing statement. Especially considering I no longer consider myself youthful, not after the war. He did get one thing right though, my leg is made of iron....

Maybe it's time I went through with my plans.