Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the rights to Once Upon a Time (though it would be a great Christmas present).
"I can't believe you invited them for dinner!"
"You can believe in fairy tales, magic, curses, and the like, but me asking your parents over for Christmas dinner is just as far out of the realm of possibility?"
"But… but," the blonde stammered and then as if struck with an epiphany she pointed an accusatory finger. "You hate my mother, ah-ha, you do. And she's not a fan of you either so that invitation has no chance of being accepted."
"Mary Margaret accepted a week ago." Regina stated in an even tone. "Please keep up, dear."
Regina continued to busy herself with the organization of her recipe cards while Emma leaned on the kitchen island askew with half cut vegetables and potatoes and jars of spices. Though meticulous about how things were stored in her house the former mayor allowed the chaos for the sake of such an unexpectedly 'special' day.
"And where was I when this bombshell occurred?"
Regina patted the sheriff's hand sweetly to soften the blow ahead. "You have a tendency to only listen when the topic of conversation concerns yourself. Being proactive in the day-to-day events of our house is not a skill you have well honed." Regina finished with an evil smirk. "Not yet, anyway."
Folding her arms across her chest, Emma responded, "You make it sound like we're running a business."
"Well, I was mayor for 28 years." Regina's finger hovered over the knife block as she contemplated the size appropriate for chopping vegetables. "And when my run as custodian over this charming town came to an end I had to put my skills somewhere." With a sharp clang of metal her hand unleashed an 8-inch Wusthof chef's knife which Emma thought resembled a small broadsword. "What better way to apply them than in the home?"
"Okay, so what are they bringing over? Is she making her famous cranberry sauce? Because I don't think I could handle a Christmas without it."
Regina chuckled at the small whine coming from pouty lips. "I'm sure you could survive, but yes your mother is coming with the cranberry sauce." Regina paused as the anger washed over her and added with burning scorn, "Also, a turkey."
Emma froze like a deer in headlights. "Wait, I thought you were making the turkey." She double-checked the oven to see the bird cooking. "It's in the oven and everything why would we need two turkeys?" Emma almost choked on her own air, her eyes widening by the second. "Are there more guests I don't know about?"
"It's just the five of us tonight. A simple, quiet Christmas dinner with family." The extra emphasis Regina placed on 'family' made Emma's stomach twist in unnatural form and the excessively wide smile painted on the brunette's face caused her more discomfort. "Mary Margaret had no intention of skipping her high cholesterol basted turkey this year, so she's cooking her bird and I'm cooking mine."
"What, you two couldn't agree on who's bringing the turkey? Some truce you got there."
"Yes, well, some things aren't worth fighting over."
And with a viscous chop of a knife to those poor carrots the conversation came to an end.
"Why do I have to wear a tie? It's just me, you, mom, grandma, and gramps."
Delicate fingers wound the festive red and green tie around the small neck. "It's Christmas, Henry, and your mom wants this to be perfect." Emma was kneeling in her dress pants as she focused on the tie and not the puppy dog eyes her son was gifting her. Soon she won't have to kneel and maybe even sooner her son will cease to ask her help in dressing a tie. Before we know it he'll be off to his high school prom, Emma thought as her eyes filled with glassy warmth.
In the quiet of his parent's bedroom the boy fidgeted in his pressed red shirt and black vest. "You think she can do it?"
"Do what?" Emma asked, her attention focused on knotting the tie.
"Play nice with grandma. Our family gatherings usually end in shouting and throwing things."
Emma also found the whole business hard to believe. When Regina had asked Emma to move in two years ago the Mills Mansion became the Swan-Mills Mansion. Everything in the house was shared including the deed; everything, however, but the kitchen which was roped off as Regina's territory. No, seriously, it was in the contract Regina insisted on drawing up that the kitchen belonged in her name, like it was a piece of priceless property (that and the apple tree, of course). Emma brushed it off and contended it was overkill as she had no culinary skills beyond grilling cheese sandwiches, though, when the former mayor started withdrawing certain benefits Emma instantly obeyed and kept a strict hands-off-stove approach. Regina may not be queen anymore but that kitchen became a substitute to her royal domain. After having a 31 year reign over her precious kitchen to have Mary Margaret come in and taint the Almighty Gallery of Mills seemed like blasphemy.
"Trust me, they're both going to be on their best behavior tonight. Or they'll have the sheriff to answer to," she added with a wiggle of her brow.
Henry sniggered as she tickled his chin playfully. "Okay, but if you're wrong just don't use the handcuffs like last time. Mom wasn't too happy about that."
"Yeah, I know." Emma remembered David's birthday party at the diner last year and having to 'arrest' Regina after she manifested a rainstorm during her fight with Mary Margaret. With a slow smile the sheriff also recalled making good use of those handcuffs later in Regina's cell.
"Henry Mills!" came the roar from the boy's room. "A dinner jacket does not belong on the floor!"
"Better hop to, kid!" Emma finished the tie and sent him off with a swift slap to his backside.
The slow shuffling and tentative 'what did I do now?' caused her to chuckle. Slipping on her earrings Emma heard the conversation echo from the hallway.
"Don't play smart with me. When I was queen do you know what I did to people who talked back to me?"
"Hey!" the boy screeched. "You can't chop off my head! I'm your son!"
"I gave them a time out, that's what I did. Why can't you treat the good things your mother and I give you with more respect?"
Touché, Miss Mills, thought Emma who was still listening from her vanity dresser.
"But mom I'm too old for time outs!"
"Then act the responsible 13-year-old I raised and dress appropriately."
"But mooom…"
Emma stoked the fire with one last jab of the poker sending embers aglow and sparks flying at a safe distance. The light from the fire gave the den a warm glow which only added to its decked appearance. Before the window stood a freshly cut Balsam tree sparkling with lights and shiny ornaments (a few presents still unopened beneath it). Atop the mantel was Regina's nutcracker collection (which creeped the hell out of Emma) and below it hung three homemade stockings which were crafted the year of their first Christmas together as a family. Emma's eyes raked to the corner and she licked her lips at the sight of the apple cider and eggnog station waiting for its thirsty guests.
Next she made her way to the foyer. Garland was threaded round the banister and a large red bow decorating the bottom rung. A sprig of mistletoe was spotted above and Emma couldn't help but smile at her lover's Christmas spirit.
Lastly was the dining room which the blonde looked over with scrutiny. The table was lined with a red tablecloth and topped with tall candle stems, a bread basket, and dishware. Compared to the state of their kitchen counter earlier that day this table was orderly and worthy of a spread in Good Houskeeping (the stick up the housewife's ass dining etiquette section). The spaced silverware and squeaky clean dishes added to the flawlessness and Emma couldn't help but love Regina for wanting to make everything perfect. She took a closer look at the silver and whistled lowly. Regina must have been serious about the whole family dinner thing because she had brought out her best cutlery for the occasion.
"Hey, Regina, are you sure you're up for this?" Emma called out, remembering Henry's misgivings about his mother's civility.
"Of course! Why wouldn't I be?"
Emma followed the smell of a roasting turkey and found the view of the oven blocked by the better view of a voluptuous rump. Regina closed the oven and stood up in her dizzyingly tight black dress. The sleeves hugged her biceps and the neckline was conservative but the bare knees and four inch heels spoke a sexy language to the area between Emma's thighs.
The blonde's sigh became a moan as she came up from behind the brunette. "Your beauty never ceases to surprise me," Emma admitted with a kiss on an exposed neck.
After tossing chopped onion and garlic in a skillet drizzled with olive oil Regina turned. Her cheeks were flushed and punctuated by an amused smile. Narrowed eyes dragged from head to toe as Emma stood in an awkward model stance, showing off the simple grey turtleneck sweater and faded black dress pants. "And you look… suitable."
Emma rolled her eyes. "Don't change the subject."
Mirroring her lover's pose of hand on hip, Regina explained herself. "This is a joyous occasion. I have you and Henry, there's no curses to break or evil mothers to vanquish… we're all healthy and happy." After the fingerling potatoes went into the pan she added salt, pepper, and crispy prosciutto. "And we should also be thankful that your parents are sharing their Christmas with us."
Emma just looked from the stove to the innocent face of her love. "Who are you?"
Regina sighed impatiently. "Emma, this is no time for roleplaying. Now make yourself useful and start shoveling the walkway for our guests." She finished with a kiss on the blonde's cheek.
"Hiiiii!" Mary Margaret greeted a little too long and a bit too excited to her daughter. She leaned in and whispered conspiratorially, "Is she here?" Her eyes darted across the foyer as if looking for a troll in the dungeon that is Swan-Mills Manor.
"Of course she is, mom," Emma muffled from within her father's bear hug, "this is her house."
"Merry Christmas, sweetheart. Where's the little man?"
"Probably snooping through gifts. And my guy's not so little anymore. He's growing like a weed!"
"Yeah, they sure grow up fast," remarked David with a tear in his eye as he studied his grown up daughter.
"Emma, darling, I love your sweater!"
"Aw, thanks mom." Mary Margaret's sweater was green dyed angora wool that had already started to shed on the spotless wood floor. Emma shivered at the possible fallout from arriving in such a sweater. "Yours looks nice, too!"
"Ah, I see the guests have arrived," chimed Regina who made her presence known. "Welcome and merry Christmas!"
"Happy holidays!" David pressed his cheek to the brunette's.
Once Regina got to Mary Margaret she didn't hesitant in bringing the woman in for what appeared to be a genuine embrace. Green fur clung to her black dress like a magnet. Regina ignored it.
"Thank you for inviting us, Regina. It's good that we can all be together on this joyous occasion."
Emma frowned at the popular phrase and feared a conspiracy.
"Emma and I are so happy you two could make it." Regina looked down at the deep pan in the woman's arms and gasped. "Oh, and you brought your turkey! How wonderful!"
David and Emma stared with utter fascination and a bit of uneasiness. They feared at any moment the two former enemies would cut the crap and speak what was really on their minds all while tearing each other to shreds in the process. Father and daughter looked on like they were on a safari, waiting for the predator to attack (which was the predator and which was the prey neither of them knew yet).
"I gave your mother a talking to on the drive over," David mumbled still staring at the National Geographic program taking place before them. "She should be civil tonight."
"Yeah, I did the same with Regina." Emma saw Mary Margaret finger the tips of Regina's hair, giving the woman a gracious compliment. Regina eyes grew wide not with disgust but with astonishment and proceeded to show her teeth with a gleaming smile while nodding and chatting on.
The two friends continued to gab away as Regina threaded an arm around the shorter woman's waist, directing her and her calorie greased bird to the kitchen.
"Unbelievable."
"That's what I said," Emma replied blankly, cocking her head.
David and Emma ogled away at the receding spectacle until Henry barreled by.
"Gramps!"
"Hey, Henry!" David caught the boy in his arms, straining to lift his body weight. "You open your presents yet?"
"Nooo," drawled Henry. His mother eyed him suspiciously. "I swear! My hands are clean!"
The blonde clarified, "We're waiting until tonight to open gifts. Isn't that right?"
"I guess." Henry walked away dejected.
The adults gathered in the kitchen where they sipped wine and chatted like old friends. Once the ice breaking finished Mary Margaret suggested David lend a hand outside to fix the second floor balcony Christmas lights that had gone out.
"Oh, Emma, do help your father. He gets a bit wobbly on ladders."
Emma looked curiously from Regina to her mother. "You two don't need my help setting up dinner?"
Regina looked to Mary Margaret for confirmation and shrugged. "No, I think we can manage this feast."
The saccharine smiles seemed doubtful. "Uhh, well alright then."
On the way out she passed Henry who was bidding his time with a hand-held video game.
"How's Operation Reindeer going?"
"Better than expected," Emma chuckled, "but the night is young."
Having checked the fuse box David concluded that the lights must have gotten knotted up by a gust of wind. Climbing up with clammy hands and unsteady legs he got to the top rung and proceeded to examine the damage. From below Emma steadied the ladder.
They made small talk, mostly about sheriff business. Emma loved her job and preferred to work independently of backup, but when David started coming to the station moseying about looking for something to busy himself with Emma couldn't help but give him a job and herself a deputy. Now on their second year of working successfully as a father/daughter tag team work was a frequent topic of discussion, even in their off time.
"There, that should do it!" David shouted in a high voice, his legs jiggling like Jello salad.
The strobing illumination from above came to a balanced glow. Emma witnessed the white Christmas lights winding around her second floor balcony, bright and sparkling like they should be.
"It's beautiful," she said in awe, the light from the decoration shining in her eyes. Realizing that her helper was still 10 feet above her she shouted up, "Dad, you can come down now!"
Back on solid ground David felt much more at home. "Your mother and I have some big news to share tonight," he remarked nonchalantly. The grin he was trying to suppress showed how long he had wanted to share this particular piece of news.
"Oh yeah?" Emma said slowly. "What kind of news?"
"Not telling. Your mother practically made me sign a contract to keep my lips sealed until dinner tonight."
Emma watched the giddiness spread from the man's smile to his bobbing shoulders. It was so obvious the love that her parents shared and it made her happy that they never had reason to 'find each other' again. Whenever she saw one she saw the other; they were always together, always smiling and giving each other smooches, holding hands in public and pouring milk in each other's coffee. Emma would be jealous, but she had her own true love to do those sappy things with. Suddenly a thought struck Emma. She looked at David's left hand which was collapsing the ladder. What she always thought had been there wasn't. It must have been a trick of the eye that Emma had never noticed, but now that David had hinted at a surprise she couldn't unsee it.
Before she could get David to spill the beans something round and solid connected with her back. A roar of laughter came from behind. Emma's eyes narrowed. "Kid, when you start something you better be ready to finish it."
Henry took the threat with another chuckle as his mitten covered hand dove into the snow for another frosty projectile. Emma would have attempted to form her own arsenal but the cold, wet, ice trickling down her neck sent her reeling back.
"Traitor!" she huffed at her sly grinned father with the snowy evidence in his glove. Making a sprint across no man's land she slid in next to her son who already had a pile of snowballs ready for battle.
"You'll never defeat me!" David shouted mockingly. "There's only one way this is going to end!"
"Yeah," Henry shot back, "with you getting the last of the eggnog!"
"So you've chosen your side, Sir Henry? Okay, looks like it's you and Princess Emma against the mighty Prince Charming." He rubbed his gloves together wickedly and got on his knees to grab some snow.
Henry threw an extra-large missile in his grandfather's direction but it was a few inches off its target. "Instead of princess we should call Emma the dragon slayer!"
After dodging a well thrown snowball Emma fist bumped her son. "That's more like it!"
"Hey, I slew a dragon, too!"
This got a response in the form of two sailing snowballs which sent him diving behind a bush.
Indeed, David was the last to reach the eggnog. All the while their epic battle was raging outdoors Regina and Mary Margaret had made an efficient team with Regina relinquishing her title as Queen of the Kitchen for the sake of a truce. Everything was hot and ready when the three red-nosed warriors entered the kitchen, gulping down their eggnog and arguing over a rematch. Later, when rivalries were at an end, Mary Margaret stroked David's defeated ego while Regina smoothed down Henry's hair, fussed over a runny nose, but finished with a proud kiss on the forehead. Emma received a slightly longer kiss and a playful ass grab which was a preview of their later activities.
Guests and hosts alike worked together to haul the feast to the table. There were two very dissimilar turkeys, prosciutto potatoes, maple glazed carrots, green bean casserole, caramelized butternut squash, and Mary Margaret's notorious cranberry sauce. By the time everyone was sitting before the candlelit dinner, mouths watering and eyes seemingly bigger than stomachs, the doorbell rang.
Emma strutted off to the front door which she opened to the unexpected.
"Astrid, Leroy, what are you doing here?" Emma looked over her shoulder for the other shoe to drop.
"Our car broke down a block away. We were on our way to a Christmas party."
"Granny's Christmas Extravaganza," clarified a monotone Leroy.
"It's just that we didn't want to ask Michael to leave his family to tow our clunker across town. And it would be a shame for this delicious custard pie to go to waste…" Astrid finished with hopeful eyes and a raise of what looked like pie.
"What's this?" Regina came and slipped an arm around Emma's waist.
Emma tensed at her tone and feared she would throw out the surprise guests. Hosting a party for people who were once upon a time out for her blood and permitting Mary Margaret to invade her kitchen was a lot to give up for a truce. There was only so much the woman could take. Emma rubbed a hand to the woman's back, soothing away the anger that was sure to boil over. Then the most surprising thing yet occurred. Instead of lashing out at uninvited visitors Regina offered the pair in from the cold to sit at their table for a warm meal. Astrid politely declined, saying that she and Leroy shouldn't intrude on family.
"Nonsense," contended Regina a bit loud for Emma's ears, "town is family, too!"
A jaw dropped in awe. "My sentiments exactly! What cheerful Christmas spirit!" she exclaimed to Leroy who approved with a brief smile for her benefit.
"We knocked on a dozen vacant doors before striking gold here," Leroy explained to Emma when she took his coat. "You better have something real strong to get me in this Christmas spirit."
"You bet we do." Emma sighed, dreaming of the bottle of red wine with her name on it.
After Astrid led grace the food was passed around and devoured on the spot. The cranberry sauce became the very first thing Emma lunged for, not minding at all that there was little room for anything else on her plate. Not even the dirty look from Regina for sneaking a slice of Mary Margaret's turkey could deter Emma's happiness from the bursting, tart berries.
It was the ideal family dinner punctuated by great food, good company, and colorful conversation. David drilled Henry for information on his new crush at school, Mary Margaret revealed to Astrid her recipe for marinating a turkey (a topic that Regina meant to tune out), and Emma and Leroy brainstormed ways to import fresh Maine lobster in bulk. Politics were avoided whenever possible. There were also things that were not taken notice of: David and Mary Margaret counted down the minutes to their big announcement, Henry (who still had the child-like aversion to vegetables) sneaked his portion of squash into a napkin, and the blonde and brunette lovebirds played out a game of footsy under the table.
When the clock struck seven and the last of the cranberry sauce was served the Charmings decided it was time to unearth their secret.
"Everyone!" David called order with a clank to his wine glass. "Quiet down now, my darling Mary Margaret and I have something to announce."
Astrid shushed Leroy in order to hear what was being declared. She leaned forward in her seat, excited and honored beyond belief that they were present for such an occasion where important family news was being proclaimed.
"I wonder what it is," Emma whispered to Regina who was notified of her hunch earlier that evening. They rolled their eyes simultaneously at the obviousness.
"What is it? Are you guys finally getting married?"
"Henry!" scolded his mothers.
The couple laughed at Henry's implication as their audience waited with quizzical stares (seemingly not get the joke).
"No, Henry, we're not getting married." Mary Margaret turned doe eyes on her man and stoked his hair lovingly. David beamed back with a knowing smile and teary eyes. She turned back to everyone with a wide grin to announce, "David and I are having a baby!"
A fork heaped in cranberry sauce slipped and fell with a clank.
