A/N: I do not own Harry Potter or The Lord of the Rings.

This was written for the If You Dare Challenge prompt #409: Sherlock Holmes.

These sortings are just a product of my crazy brain. Feel free to disagree. Only the Sorting Hat knows for sure!


Since she had accepted a job at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Hermione Granger and Severus Snape had formed a sort of friendship.

Every week, at nine o'clock on Sunday evening, the two would meet and discuss whatever came to mind.

One week, they stooped so low as to try to sort characters from muggle fiction.

"Samwise Gamgee?"

"Hufflepuff. His loyalty is so great it reaches a certain level of stupidity."

"He's brave, too, though. He could be a Griffindor."

Snape disagreed. "Sherlock Holmes."

"Oh… maybe Ravenclaw? He's smart enough."

"He'd be in Slytherin."

"Slytherin?"

"Yes. He doesn't know things for the sake of knowing them. He doesn't even know that the earth revolves around the sun. He only remembers things that are useful to him. He pays attention to his surroundings. He notices things. He doesn't hold with sentiment…"

"All right. You've made your point." She sighed. "James Moriarity would be in Slytherin, too, you know."

"Hmmm. Two genius Slytherins set against each other with all of Hogwarts as their playground."

Both professors shuddered.

Thank Merlin this was only hypothetical!