Disclaimer: Kirby and all respective characters do not belong to me. Hoshi no Kaabii, or Kirby Right Back At Ya! also does not belong to me. Seymour the Armogohma belongs to Soundwave 0107.

This story is dedicated to Soundwave 0107, in appreciation of her absolutely amazing 183 chapter story SSBB Oneshots! Yes, it has gory violence. Yes, it has 18+ stuff in it. Yes, it will mentally scar you for the rest of your life. BUT I STILL TOTALLY RECOMMEND IT!

Jade: Bold and italicized. Wow, she really recommends it... The language used in Dreamland is called Dromish, since Drøm is Norwegian for "dream". English is an entirely separate language, and used in Super Smash Brother Brawl. It'll be indicated when a character speaks in English, by any italicized words, with the exception of any Japanese words.

Fumu=Tiff

Bun=Tuff

Iroo=Spikehead XD

Hohhe=Iroo

Honey=Honey

Escaragon=Escaragoon

Meta Naito Kyou=Sir Meta Knight

Sword and Blade=Sword Knight and Blade Knight

That One Demon Beast I Won't Fight

By Soar318

It was a peaceful day in Dreamland. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and everything was calm and quiet, especially after Kirby defeated Nightmare. At least, Fumu thought so.

Now that Nightmare was gone, everything was back to normal, except for the little pink puffball that had taken up residence in Pupu Village. Said pink puff was currently out with her younger brother Bun, playing soccer with their friends Iroo, Hohhe, and Honey. Fumu herself was walking through the halls of Castle Dedede, on her way to the library to pick out a book. Unbeknownst to her however, the day was about to get much more hectic.

Suddenly, as she was rounding a corner, she smashed into something, and fell on her bum. Hissing in pain, she stood up and was about to start reprimanding the thing when her eyes widened.

"Meta Naito Kyou! What are you doing? Is something wrong?" Fumu asked, green eyes blinking in confusion and worry. Sir Meta Knight always seemed to know what lay around each corner, and never bumped into something or someone, unless he was distracted. Add that to the fact that his eyes were a tumbling mix of purple, gray, green, and orange, Fumu was really worried.

"Sorry Fumu, but where is Kirby? I have to find him, the matter is extremely urgent," Meta Knight replied, talking so quickly that it took Fumu a few seconds to decipher what he had just said.

"He's at the fields, playing soccer with Bun. Why? Is it another demon beast? Is Nightmare back?" Fumu asked, her voice rising with worry.

"No time! I'll explain everything later!" Even as he was speaking, the knight was sprinting off. Such erratic behavior was extremely uncommon to Meta Knight, and Fumu found herself chasing after him, shouting, "What's going on? Tell me now!"

"No time!" was the answer. The two ran at full speed toward the fields, and on the way was joined by Sword and Blade. Judging from their heavy breathing, the two also had been searching for Kirby, no doubt on their lord's orders.

"Fumu, what (pant) is (wheeze) going (pant) on? Sir (pant) Meta (wheeze) Knight (pant) won't (pant) tell (wheeze) us!" Sword wheezed out, clutching a stitch in his side.

"I don't (pant) know," Fumu panted, tiring quickly. Glancing ahead, she felt relief give her a small burst of energy; they were almost there!

"Kirby!"

Bun, Kirby, and the children spun around at Meta Knight's yell, leaving the ball to bounce down a hill.

"Nee-chan! Meta Naito Kyou! Sword! Blade! What are you guys doing here?" Bun asked, staring at his panting sister, and the exhausted knights who were sprawled out on the grass, breathing heavily. Walking over to them, he offered a water bottle.

"Thanks, Bun," Blade managed to mumble, before sticking the bottle under the pink mouthpiece and drinking heavily.

"Hey! Don't drink all of it!" Sword demanded, snatching the bottle away and drinking it himself.

Fumu chuckled slightly at the knights' squabbling, before turning her attention to the two Star Warriors. She frowned, and then glanced around; where did everyone else go?

"I heard Sir Meta Knight tell them to go home," Bun offered, seeing his sister's confused look. She nodded, satisfied. But then, her eyes narrowed, then abruptly widened, then narrowed again.

"Fumu? Is something wrong?" Sword asked, tilting his head. He and Blade had finished drinking the remainder of the water, and were now standing next to Bun.

"Yes...I thought I just saw a gold border around Sir Meta Knight's cape. And his shoes seemed to be different for a moment there..." Fumu muttered. "Probably a trick of the light. And did you hear what they're saying?"

Bun frowned in concentration. "It doesn't sound like Dromish..."

"Exactly! Meta Knight's speaking in an entirely language! And Kirby doesn't even understand Dromish yet, let alone an entirely different language!" Fumu cried out, waving her arms in the direction of the puffballs, as if to undermine her point.

Sword and Blade both narrowed their eyes as they gazed at their lord. "You're right... And it looks like Kirby actually understands it!"

"Nani?"

As brother and sister watched the two puffballs, they can see that Sword and Blade were correct. Meta Knight was jabbering something frantically, eyes wide and flashing different colors so rapidly that it was making Fumu and Bun slightly sick. Kirby's blue eyes widened in something like horror, and he backed away, shaking his head and wailing over and over again. Meta Knight advanced on his pupil, talking quickly, and it sounded like an order. The pink puff seemed to be on the verge of tears, as he started shaking his head, then nodding, muttering something under his breath. All this time the older knight's shoes were flickering between a more detailed, metallic kind, complete with high heels, and his cape continuously appeared to have a gold streak near the hem, along with a bat- shaped darker patch in the middle, that all flickered between his usual (anime) attire whenever anyone blinked.

Finally, Meta Knight stopped talking, took a deep breath, and let it out in a huge sigh. Tilting his head, he glanced sideways at his confused knaves and the two children. Beckoning to Kirby, the knight strode over to the four, the younger Star Warrior following close.

"Meta Naito Kyou! Where did you learn that language, why and how does Kirby understand it, what is up with your cape and shoes, and how-" Fumu's string of questions was stopped by a single gloved hand.

"I understand that you may be confused. I said that I will explain everything, and I intend to keep my word. In fact, I will explain it to all of you right now," Meta Knight began. He hesitated slightly, mainly due to the fact that Kirby had clung onto his cape tightly in fear, and then started his explanation.

Flashback

It all began in the throne room. King Dedede and Escaragon were fiddling around with the demon transporter, wondering whether or not it could work again. Meta Knight was hiding in the shadows behind a column, watching them.

"Life's been so boring ever since Kirby destroyed Nightmare!" Dedede complained, plopping down on his throne. "Now I can't order any more demon beasts!"

Suddenly, the screen flickered on, causing both the pengi and the snail to scream and cling onto each other. However, it was only Customer Service, with his hair messed up and suit torn. His usually shining orange shades were dull, and the usual HNM backdrop was replaced by black.

"Hello, Your Majesty! And Your Excellency!" Customer Service struggled to pull up his usual fake smile, but only managed a slight quirk of his lips. "How is it going?"

"Customer Service!" Dedede roared, taking his anger out on Escaragon. "Don't you scare us like that! I thought you were destroyed!"

"I was part of the few majuu who managed to escape," Customer Service replied, shrugging slightly. "At any rate, we cannot sell you any more demon beasts, seeing as the majority was destroyed. However, we can sell you one last thing, if you pay your bills beforehand."

"Oh yeah? And what if it's a scam?" Escaragon demanded, rubbing his head where Dedede had smashed him.

"Then we'll show you the product."

The camera turned to a patch of darkness that looked like any other patch. At least, it did, until Customer Service lit a torch. As they gazed upon the "product", both king and lackey gasped.

The spider was massive.

It was easily the size of Giga Bowser (compared to Kirby). It was a stone gray, with odd symbols and designs etched onto its legs and head. The abdomen was a grayish-brown, laced with horizontal stripes. Four tiny, pale yellow eyes stared at the screen. Behind its head, in the spider's joint between its head and abdomen, was a large red collar. Attached to it was a metal tag with the name "Seymour" printed across it. But the most unsettling thing about the arachnid was the single large, bloodshot orange eye glaring at the screen.

As soon as the thing saw the penguin king and the snail, it started thrashing against the hundreds of thick chains wrapped around its body. The demon beasts on either side of it scrambled away madly, but not before one stuck a needle into it, injecting a bright purple liquid. Immediately, the spider stopped thrashing, all five eyes closing.

"Well? What do you think?" Customer Service turned back to the screen, smirking. The sight at which he was greeted with nearly made him laugh his head off.

Escaragon was standing right where he was, eyes huge, shell-shocked. (Bad pun, sorry...) But it was nothing compared to Dedede's reaction.

The pengi king was hiding behind his throne, a look of sheer terror on his face. All the color had drained out of his face, and he clutched the backseat in a white-knuckled grip. His usually malicious eyes contained absolute horror.

Customer Service's smirk grew wider as he gazed at the king's reaction. Turning his eyes away from the completely petrified pengi, he observed Meta Knight's reaction, who was now visible from behind the column.

Said knight's eyes were nearly black, even though it was technically a very deep gray, indicating that he was at the very top of his terror meter. His deep blue skin had turned into an ashy bluish-gray, and the puffball was visibly shaking. The knight had backed away from the screen until his back was pressed against the wall, where he currently cowered.

This kind of reaction from the normally stoic Star Warrior was extremely rare, only happening once every ten thousand years or so. This most certainly made Customer Service's day. Turning back to the king and his lackey, he finally managed to put on his usual fake smile, and asked sweetly, "Well? Do you like it?"

Swallowing, the blue pengi lifted his head ever so slightly, and managed to stutter out, "N-n-no t-t-thanks, I-I'll p-p-pass-"

"Heika, are you kidding me? This would get rid of Kirby for sure!" Escaragon cried out in excitement. Turning to a grinning Customer Service, he said loudly, "It's a deal!"

"Excellent. Just plop some money on the transporter, and we'll send it over at sunset!" was the happy reply. Escaragon frowned.

"Why sunset? Can't you send it now?" he demanded, eyes narrowing.

"Unfortunately, the seducing potion will only wear off when the sun goes down. Until then, the spider will be asleep. But don't worry, we'll send you a heads-up beforehand. Oh, and I'm personally visiting tomorrow, since there is a 'code' that is needed to be said before you can put the spider into action. Now, the money please?"

"Oh, alright. Waddle Dees!" A troop of small scarlet and peach creatures poked their heads into the throne room. "Get some bags from his Majesty's safe!" Nodding, the Waddle Dees scurried off, returning only moments later by twos, each pair carrying a large bag that jingled merrily for every step they took. How they knew the secret code to access the safe, no one knew, and no one bothered to ask. After heaving the heavy packs onto the transporter, a bright flash accompanied by electricity blinded the throne room's occupants, before revealing that the gold had been transported.

"Nice doing business with you!" and with that, the screen flickered off.

Grinning, Escaragon turned to the still-cowering pengi king. "Just think about it! Now we can get rid of Kirby once and for all!" Humming delightedly to himself, the snail happily skipped through the doors of the throne room, intending to find his book on botany, never noticing how afraid the king was, nor the fact that the small knight had quietly crept over to the throne, eyes still a dark gray, though less so.

"Heika."

The dictator's head flew around to stare at the puffball crouched behind the throne next to him. He blinked. Was that...?

"What is it?" he murmured quietly, glancing at the closed door of the throne room. Not that anyone could have understood him, but the pengi was taking no chances.

"Kirby does not deserve such a fate. What should we do?"

"Does Zelda know?"

"I don't know. There hasn't been any communication between Hyrule and Dreamland."

"How about having Knuckle Joe send a message?"

"Since Seymour is in our universe, it should be safe..."

"Until then, what are we going to do?"

"We're going to have to distract him."

"DISTRACT him?"

"Keep your voice down! Yes, we are. I've got extra trophy stands in my cape in case one of us...well, you know."

"All right, it's worth a try; I guess...At least it's less dangerous than spitting on the floor in the Mansion."

"Surely you do not want Kirby to die?"

"No! Lucas was bad enough..."

"Very well. I'll find Kirby and explain things to him. Perhaps I'd better alert the children too..."

"Got it. Good luck. I'll contact Joe. Don't tell anyone that we're you-know-what!"

"Same to you. I'm already one of the most wanted in the galaxy, dead or alive. I'm not risking it."

And with that, Meta Knight stood up, and swept out of the throne room, giving no indication that he had had a talk with King Dedede.

Present

"...And you know what happened next. I told Sword and Blade to find Kirby, and here we are," finished Meta Knight. Admittedly, he had left out the secret conversation, but since Smashers were the most wanted in all universes, due to them being the very best fighters in their own universe. Even being an Assistant Trophy was quite the accomplishment. He had thought it best - everyone had thought it best - that they would tell no one. They had secret ways of communicating across universes, but they were, of course, secret.

Glancing sideways, he was somewhat...upset to see that Kirby had started crying silently. His fatherly-instincts took over, and he gently pulled his cape away before wrapping it around the pink creampuff. Blinking, the child clung onto the fabric, leaning slightly against his mentor. Kirby may be a Smasher, but that didn't mean he wasn't afraid of anything.

"I don't see what's to worry about," Fumu muttered, after thinking for a moment. "I mean, it's just a demon beast, right? And Kirby's never failed to beat a demon beast before." Bun, Sword, and Blade nodded in agreement.

"Very true, but had Seymour been a demon beast, I wouldn't have searched the castle from top to bottom to alert Kirby," Meta Knight replied quietly, glancing up at the sky with light gray eyes. 'The sun is about to set. I'd better hurry.'

"Seymour's not a demon beast?" Blade questioned in alarm. "Then what is it?"

"It - He's an Armogohma. But I don't have much time for explanations right now. Seymour's due to arrive soon. Sword! Blade!" The two knaves jumped at the bark.

"H-hai!"

"I want you to protect the village entrance. If Seymour tries to wreak havoc in there, he could very easily kill someone. If you see him, try to slow him down. Fumu, Bun, I want you to get as much chocolate chip cookies as you can. It's going to be important."

"How is that important?" Bun demanded, staring at the blue knight as Sword and Blade rushed off. "What's a jar of chocolate chip cookies going to do?"

"No time to-" Meta Knight was abruptly cut off by Fumu.

"No! You're going to tell us right now! What's an Armogohma, why are you, Dedede, and Kirby so afraid of it, what does chocolate chip cookies have to do with-"

Suddenly, Kirby let out a high-pitched wail of terror that effectively drowned out Fumu's questions. But it wasn't enough to cover the loud, crashes coming from the castle, or the inhuman screech of rage that abruptly sounded. Meta Knight's eyes immediately flashed a horrified deep gray upon hearing the noise.

"He's here!"

...

Some time ago...

After Meta Knight left, King Dedede plopped himself back on his throne. Glancing around nervously, the dictator tapped a code into the buttons on his armrest. Immediately, a five feet thick soundproof mix of steel and diamond covering encased the entire room from floor to ceiling. He wasn't taking any chances.

Reaching a gold-gloved hand under his robes, Dedede pulled out what seemed like an icy blue, transparent rectangle hovering in the air. Reaching up, he enlarged the rectangle by spreading his fingers - much like what you would do to enlarge something on the iPad or something with a touch screen. As soon as the rectangle was the proper size, the pengi pressed his hand to the screen. A set of transparent keyboards, matching in color to the screen, appeared out of nowhere. Tapping in a code, the dictator watched the screen carefully. A symbol appeared on the screen: a circle with a vertical and horizontal line crossing through it, the two lines making a cross at the bottom left part of the circle, the entire thing shimmering with rainbow colors. The symbol of Super Smash Brothers.

Still typing, Dedede narrowed his eyes, then touched the screen, choosing something. Two selection buttons popped up. Dedede chose the one on the left. A smaller version of the symbol of Super Smash Bros. started turning at the bottom right hand corner, like the loading screen. A single word flashed over and over in the middle of the rectangle.

Connecting...

Connecting...

Connecting...

Connection established. Video or radio?

Dedede touched the "video" button.

Starting video...

Suddenly, the clear blue screen disappeared, to be replaced by a picture of a grinning boy with spiky blond hair and a white and red headband. He wore a brown and gold locket and plain white gloves.

"Hey Dedede! What's up? Haven't heard from Popstar for a while!" the boy grinned, effortlessly slipping into the language of the Smashers (English).

"Knuckle Joe." The king nodded slightly. Now was not the time for idle talk. Quickly, he explained the situation to Joe.

"Uh-oh. You people are really in trouble right now. But why are you telling me of all people?" Knuckle Joe questioned, frowning.

"We need you to alert Zelda immediately. Seymour's coming at sunset in Popstar time. We only have a couple hours at best. Meta Knight is alerting Kirby right now."

"What about Fumu and Bun? And Escaragon?"

"Meta Knight's alerting them too. Escaragon thinks that Seymour is another one of the escaped majuu." The pengi snorted. "If Seymour was an actual demon beast, I would have bought him ages ago!"

"True. Alright, I'll contact Zelda. What should I tell her? And do you know where the escaped demon beasts are? I'm sure Sir Arthur would like a little chat with them," Knuckle Joe replied, looking rather mischievous.

"Tell her that Seymour's on the loose in Popstar, Dreamland, and that she can connect to the demon beast transmitter in my throne room," Dedede recited. "I couldn't see much, but it looked like they were in a cave."

"Gotcha! I'll tell Arthur-"

"Zelda first!"

"Oh yeah. Well, see ya later, Dedede! And say hi to MK and Kirby for me next time you see them! If they're still in one piece, anyway." Both the king and the demon hunter winced, out of the gruesome image in their minds' eye. Then the video message disappeared, to be replaced by the blue rectangle. Sighing, Dedede shut the screen off, and disabled the steel-and-diamond covering. Jumping off his throne, the dictator stalked out of the throne room, determined to catch a nap before sundown.

...

A couple hours later...

"Heika! Heika!"

Dedede blinked woozily as he felt something - or rather, someone - shaking him and yelling.

"Nani?"

"Heika! Wake up! The delivery's about to arrive! Wake up!"

"What delivery?"

"You know, Seymour!"

Immediately, the king bolted upright, eyes wide and all the blood draining out of his face. 'Oh no, I forgot. Seymour's here!'

Dressing and getting to the throne room in less than a minute completely shocked Escaragon, but it didn't matter anyway, since the transmitter was already sparking and glowing by the time they got there.

With a final bright flash, the now fully alert - and angry - Armogohma was teleported onto the platform, with Customer Service riding on top of him. Grinning in a slightly maniacal way, the sales guy jumped down from Seymour's back, clutching a large remote with a single red button on it.

"Hello, King Dedede! And Escaragon too!" Customer Service grinned, leaning slightly against the transporter, not noticing the way that Seymour was staring at Dedede. However, he did notice Dedede backing out of the throne room and into the hallway, whimpering. Escaragon took no notice, but simply gave him a nasty glare.

"Took you long enough, shorty," he growled impatiently, then glanced at the giant spider with a slightly nervous look. "Will you be able to control that thing? Every past demon beasts messed up the castle at one point or another, because you couldn't control them! Do you know how much it costs to fix up a single tower? Doesn't Holy Nightmare care about the well-being of their customers?"

Customer Service simply smiled as he listened absentmindedly to the snail's rant. "Believe me; we do care about our customers. It's just that our products are simply rather hard to control in the first place. Now then, how about bringing the king in and I'll show you the might of our dear little arachnid here?"

"Fine, fine..." Escaragon muttered, as he dragged the petrified king back into the room.

"Excellent."

Turning around to face the Armogohma, who glared at him hatefully with all five of his eyes, Customer Service said loudly and clearly, "Hey, Seymour! I've got a bit of information for you!"

Seymour's orange eye blinked, confused.

"You see, we have solved the problem of why we cannot give you chocolate chip cookies!"

At the mention of chocolate chip cookies, the alert spider became, if possible, even more alert, the large orange eye no longer blinking or glaring, but fixed on the purple-haired midget in front of him with a surprisingly intelligent stare. However, at the mention of cookies, Dedede immediately froze up in horror. 'No, no, no, no, they couldn't have found out about that...' Carefully, the dictator started inching toward the only door, wanting to get out of the room immediately.

"Do you want to know why we cannot give you chocolate chip cookies?" Customer service asked sweetly, tilting his head at Seymour. The spider gazed at him for a moment, then gave what was unmistakably a nod. Dedede started to creep faster toward the door, now desperate to get out of there, before Seymour hears it...

"Well then, I'll tell you." Customer Service took a deep breath, and then, shouted out,

"KIRBY TOOK YOUR COOKIES!"

The response was instantaneous. The Armogohma reared up onto his back four legs, and let out a horrible, piercing screech, sounding as far from human as an arachnid can go. Slamming down so hard onto his front legs that the transporter cracked and bent, Seymour charged at the door, the king and the lackey diving out of the way. The spider smashed through the wall, and simply leapt from the balcony, orange eye bloodshot in rage. Landing with a horrible crash in the courtyard, Seymour crawled, surprisingly quickly; out of the hole it made in his landing, and immediately scuttled across the drawbridge and headed to the town, or more accurately, the small hills beside the town.

Turning to his audience, Customer Service was pleased to see that both of them were completely shocked at this display of power. Smirking happily, the sales guy turned back to the hole in the wall that the Armogohma had made, and muttered quietly to himself, in completely different voice, one that held evil and promised despair:

"Kirby, you are going to pay..."

To be continued...

Nani=what

Heika=your majesty

Hai=Yes sir (?)

Meta Knight's eye colors

Green=thoughtful, solving a problem

Purple=confusion

Gray=terror, horror, etc. (The deeper the color, the more intense the feeling)

Orange=shock, suprise

The full list is on my profile!