Warning: If you have not seen Episode 3x11 and the previews for 3x12, please do not read this, it contains information revealed in those two episodes.
Note: This is extra short. It's going to be a series of ficlets, but I wanted to share this with you guys and see if you liked it.
She had always done everything she was supposed to. She had always been good at taking everything she was supposed to. She barely thought about it while she was popping the pill or buying contraception. It barely registered in her mind. Just routine. She was good at routine.
Then there was one day where she was utterly thrown off. She remembered something; or rather she had forgotten something. She lay awake in bed, Mark next to her, snoring roughly. The snoring made her heart beat just a little bit faster. Scenarios of what ifs filled her troubled mind. It was one slip. Tentatively, she slipped her hand under the covers and touched her stomach. Mark rolled over in his sleep. Ignorance was bliss.
One second, one moment. Life would be changed. She breathed. Tried to fall asleep. Her heart was beating too hard. She rolled out of bed, especially careful not to wake Mark up.
The bathroom floor was cold against her bare feet. One look in the mirror revealed an anxious face, red eyes complete with tears. How could she have been so stupid? She was Addison Montgomery-Shepherd. She couldn't afford to make mistakes. And yet she had. A mistake that was all too familiar to her. She saw it every day in the young girls who sat before her, fearful. She, who chided those girls; an utter hypocrite. Trying to calm herself, she huddled over the sink and splashed water on her face. It wasn't going to happen. She wasn't. She couldn't be. Not with Mark. Did she love Mark? She didn't know. She didn't know anything. Looking at herself in the mirror, she stepped back and decided… No, she definitely wasn't.
The next day she was on her knees in front of the toilet. Sick.
