Haha...alright, so I started this about a week ago (or two?) and this is the reason why I'm not updating Confessions of a Capital L Looooooser. Sort of. I guess if I really wanted to, I could have.

Before I say anything else...You knew this was coming. Someone was going to parody the game anyway!

I'm posting two chapters at once because the second chapter is more exciting in my opinion. Oh, and it'd be nice if you guys vote on endings. You can basically choose anyone in the game and I can make an ending for them. Yes, even Sarin and Byron, but they'd be together so I don't know why you'd bother. You can vote by the time I post up the seventh chapter, and if there aren't any votes I'll choose my own. (cackle) I'll probably end up doing that anyway!

Disclaimer: I despise Summon Night: Swordcraft Story 2. If I owned it, it'd have better music. Like seriously.

Summon Night: Sierra's Version

New Features:

-More endings!

-Changes in character ranging low to drastic!

-Improved Soundtrack!

-Includes a real world connection!

-More variety in night talks!

-Airhead main character!

-Different take on plot!

-More Extras after you beat the game!

Prologue:

It was a bright, sunny day. The birds chirped, the termites feasted, and the telemarketers annoyed people. The trees swayed and the flowers danced in the light breeze. It was 76˚, 2:00 P.M. in the afternoon. Most people were out—but not Sierra.

Sierra's room was dark. All the windows were boarded and the room door was locked in five different ways. It was pitch black inside. Sierra pulled her blanket over her head just in case some light managed to reach her.

She just couldn't sleep in light. In fact, she personally destroyed all the night-lights her mother gave her years ago. That was when she had an undying fear of teddy bears. Of course, the night-lights had teddy bears ON them so they didn't help at all.

There was a knock at her door.

"Sierra, you still alive?" came her mother's voice. "Throw something at the door if you are."

Sierra's wondrous sleep broke. She grumbled. A barrage of things hit the door, and also a shout of, "I'M SLEEPING! GO AWAY!"

Sierra's mother waited. Soon there was a thump on the floor as Sierra fell. Then footsteps as she trudged towards the door to get the pillow that she had thrown. A split second later the door opened, and a tired and disgruntled Sierra stood.

Her mother chuckled. "Works every time."

Sierra groaned, but then made her way to the bathroom to brush her teeth.

-------------------------------------Division Tomato-------------------------------------

Sierra was in trouble. She couldn't decide whether to have breakfast or lunch. Usually her father helped her decide that, but he had died of laughter because of something stupid that she said when she was five. That and her mother threw a ladle at him to get him to stop laughing. The doctors were unsure of whether the ladle killed him or the lack of oxygen. Either way, Sierra's mother hasn't been allowed to step within ten minutes of a ladle since.

After flipping a coin, Sierra decided to have lunch. She started to make a sandwich. Her mother wasn't really allowed into the kitchen and they usually had a cook, but it was his day off. She put chicken on the grill and then played Summon Night: Swordcraft Story 2 on her gameboy advance SP while she waited.

It was her third play-through of the game, but the beginning was so boring and she couldn't exactly focus. She was also losing repeatedly against the Black Swordsman which was really frustrating on top of it all, and that was due to her refusing to level up. She felt like attacking someone.

Instead, she started cutting tomatoes.

The game was close to the cutting board.

She cut clumsily, and some of the tomato juice flew from the tomato onto the game screen.

The lycopene started to react because the light of the screen acted as a catalyst.

Sierra dropped the knife and turned around. She decided to turn off the game.

Instead, she accidentally reset it, and then pressed the buttons too quick and started a new game.

A second later, she felt like she was in a vacuum cleaner, and then everything went black.

Chapter One: Day I

"(That was really weird…)" thought Sierra. She opened her eyes, and then realized that she was on a cliff. "Waaah! This sucks!"

Soon she was slammed to a wall by the all-too-friendly Ryouga.

"Ow…" murmured Sierra.

Ryouga glanced at her. Sierra was sprawled on the floor, stripped of her dignity but at least she was alive. "You okay?"

"Just Dandy—Oh the ever-loving chocolate fudge cheesecake with whipped cream on top! Ryouga?" exclaimed Sierra.

"Uh……Did I slam you too hard?" said Ryouga worriedly.

"Wait, if you're here and I'm here, that can only mean one thing!" said Sierra rapidly.

"That…you're supposed to take me to Goura's Gate?" tried Ryouga.

"No! That I'm hallucinating! I've never had a hallucination before! I'm so excited!" said Sierra giddily.

At this point, Ryouga was freaked out. He threw back his fist and gave Sierra a good, hard punch to knock her back to her senses or so he hoped. "Was that a hallucination?"

"That hurt!" whined Sierra. "So uh, is there a reason I'm here?"

Ryouga sighed. "You promised to take me to Goura's Gate, remember?"

"Hmm…OH! Yeah, a Craftknight's promise is as strong as topaz, 'course I remember!" said Sierra, trying to remember what happened in the beginning of her Summon Night 2 game.

"Steel," corrected Ryouga. "Or as tough as chains maybe. Not topaz."

"Same thing," muttered Sierra. "Hey, do you hear something?"

"No," answered Ryouga.

Sierra paused to listen. She heard a rustle from the direction towards…wait, wasn't that where Aera's or Edgar's house used to be? She started walking towards the sound.

"Where are you going?" asked Ryouga, hastening to follow.

"Don't you hear that?" Sierra said.

Ryouga heard the sound then. He nodded and walked ahead of Sierra. She looked offended, because she was walking as fast as she could and he appeared to be enjoying a casual walk.

"It's a green…thingy!" said Sierra intelligently.

"A summon creature? It looks like it's being attacked," observed Ryouga.

"Oh er…yeah, that's what I meant," said Sierra. "I'll help it!" Then her mind backtracked. She knew that this was Arno, but she always named the summon creature 'Salt' instead. And…this was also where a demonic rabbit dwelled…

Sure enough, an evil rabbit jumped from behind the 'green thingy' and almost jumped on Sierra. She ducked behind Ryouga just in time.

"Some craftknight you are," commented Ryouga.

Sierra found a hammer with her and brandished it. "No rabbit's gonna threaten me and get away with it!" She madly started to attack the rabbit. Ryouga backed away. It looked like a strange, demented version of whack-a-mole, just with a rabbit and a crazed freak.

When the rabbit was nothing more than a pancake, Sierra and Ryouga turned their attention to the green thingy.

"You okay? What's your name?" asked Sierra cautiously. "I'm Sierra."

"You are? I thought you were Aer—never mind," said Ryouga.

"I'm Salt! Nice to meet you, Sierra," said Salt happily.

"(Score! I always liked Salt better than Arno!) And that guy over there is Ryouga," continued Sierra.

"Don't call me 'that guy'…" muttered Ryouga.

"You should go to Ryouga's place and he'll treat you!" said Sierra.

"Hey, don't just invite people to my house!" said Ryouga angrily. "Why can't the summon creature go to your house?"

"Because…I…forgot where it is?" said Sierra. It's one thing to find the house on a gameboy advance screen…

"You're impossible," said Ryouga, his eyes cast heaven-ward. "There should have been a ward. How did you get in here anyway, Salt?"

"A ward? I didn't feel it," said Salt.

"I guess I'll let the Chief know…I'll meet you later about Goura's gate, Sierra," said Ryouga.

"Yeah, sure, whatever," said Sierra, not listening to him.

Ryouga left.

"Can you walk, Salt?" asked Sierra.

"Yes. The wind says thank you for helping me, and I say it too!" said Salt.

--------------------------------------Division Tomato-------------------------------------------

It took a while for Sierra to find 'her house,' and she even managed to get lost. She had to ask Salt for directions.

"Saaaaallt," whined Sierra. "I can't find my house!"

"But…don't you live there?" asked Salt.

"What's your point?" grumbled Sierra. "D'you think you can ask the wind where it is?"

"Okay," said Salt. "Whoooosh, shwoooo! Tweet! The wind says it's thattaway!"

"Thanks, Salt! Uh, Salt? Are you okay…?" Sierra was worried. Salt swayed and fell to the ground.

One hour later:

"(What kind of direction is 'thattaway' anyway…)" Sierra muttered under her breath as she half-dragged-half-carried Salt to her destination. Then she met her supposed (foster) family members for the first time, who immediately tended to Salt and asked her what in the world took her so long that she arrived at sunset.

------------------------------------------Division Tomato-----------------------------------

"Stray summon creatures aren't allowed in Cliff village, you know, Sierra," said Blaire after Salt regained consciousness.

"O-oh…then I'll just leave. The wind will take care of me," said Salt sadly. The green summon creature started to walk off the premises, but was still hurt. Salt stopped and panted.

"She doesn't have to leave right now," said Orin. "Let's wait till Salt gets better."

"What are you talking about!" said Tatiana loudly. "Salt's obviously a boy!"

"Are you kidding?" said Orin, mouth agape. "She's a girl! What do you think, Sierra?"

"Uh…Salt's um…What are you, Salt?" asked Sierra.

"I'm a child of the wind!" said Salt with a big grin.

"That doesn't help," said Tatiana.

"Maybe she'll tell us if you feed her your sweets," teased Orin.

Tatiana's eyes narrowed. "Are you making fun of my sweets?"

"I always wanted to try Tatiana's sweets!" interrupted Sierra.

"Huh? But you've tried them before…" said Tatiana.

"I got it!" said Blaire suddenly. "Let's have a bonding ritual!"

"Were you thinking the whole time, dad?" asked Orin.

"What of it?" snapped Blaire. "If you're going to be so observant, maybe you should go notify the rest of the village of my plot—er, plan."

"That made no sense!" protested Orin.

"Just do it, Orin," said Tatiana.

Orin shot a glare in Tatiana's direction and left the house.

"What's a bonding ritual?" asked Salt.

"Oh wait, maybe we should've asked Salt and Sierra before we had Orin tell everyone," said Tatiana.

"Shoot," said Blaire.

"Umm…I think a bonding ritual is when we listen to the chief talk about the banana famine that happened years ago!" said Sierra helpfully.

Blaire nodded. "He always seems to add that in somewhere. Would you like to be Sierra's guardian beast, Salt?"

"You mean…I have to help her and trust her like the human that she is even if humans were really mean to me before and I almost died because of them? Let's do it! The wind agrees!" said Salt excitedly.

"That settles it," said Blaire.

"Hey! I didn't even get to say anything yet!" protested Sierra.

"You were going to agree anyway," said Tatiana.

"But I wanted to say it," whined Sierra.

---------------------------------------Division Tomato-----------------------------------------

"Is everyone here? Hmm…I say this warrants for a head count! And since I'm the chief I can do whatever I want!" the chief cackled, and then had a coughing fit. "Anyway, one, two, three, four…"

Later…

"Nineteen—ah, lost count again…one, two, three—."

"Everyone's here! Get on with it!" interrupted a Villager.

"What's the hurry? I think we should start with the history of the bonding ritual first. It's such an intriguing story…You see, it all started with the banana famine years ago…Can you believe living knowing that you couldn't have the tasty yellow fruit? I've lived through it, and let me tell you that it is no easy feat. I had banana cravings every single day through it, and once this girl came up to me and tried to sell me tangerines during the famine! I was outraged, which leads me to the time when a seagull stole a cookie from me and I got really angry. And I mean really angry. I threw a rock at the seagull—did I ever tell you that the rock was from one of my ex-girlfriends? It was a topaz gem, but it was all worth it to get the cookie back. Of course, she dumped me when she found out that I didn't have it anymore. She also married that old man that stands in front of the path to the fishing hole. They're both probably plotting against me, just because I can fish and he can't! Which reminds me, I have to cook fish tonight…I can't remember though, should I use a pinch of salt or a teaspoon…blah blah blah" said the chief.

"What does this have to do with the ritual?" wondered Salt, more to himself than anyone else.

Sierra, meanwhile, was fascinated. She took in every word the chief had said. "Chief, what kind of fish are you cooking tonight?"

"Trout," said the chief. "Do you want to come over?"

"Sorry, but I was going to eat Tatiana's sweets for dinner tonight," said Sierra.

"My legs hurt," said Salt. "Can we finish the bonding and the ritual-ing?"

"Yeah, sure. Salt is now Sierra's guardian beast. Finished," said the chief.

---------------------------------------Division Tomato-----------------------------------------------

"Since Salt is new to the craftknight business, why don't you explain to…it…how weapons are made, Sierra?" said Blaire.

"Uh, sure…(What'd the game call him again?)…Master Blake," said Sierra.

"Blaire," corrected Blaire.

"Right, Master Blaire! A'right, Salt, it's reeeaally simple. You put the things into the big thing and then we use the other thing to make stuff!" said Sierra, motioning with her hands.

"We put materials into a forge to melt them and then we hammer them into weapon shapes," said Orin tonelessly.

"Way to ruin it, Orin," said Tatiana.

"What do you mean? Sierra's totally misguiding Salt right now!" shot back Orin.

Blaire cleared his throat. "Now you have to swing a hammer one hundred times!"

"Sure," said Salt.

"So, Tatiana, can you give me some sweets? I've been dying to have one!" exclaimed Sierra.

"Definitely dying," said Orin. "What's wrong with you anyway?"

"Why should there be something wrong with Sierra if she wants my cooking?" huffed Tatiana. "Follow me, Sierra! Let's leave behind that loser!"

Tatiana left, with Sierra close behind.

"Where'd Sierra go?" asked Blaire. "Oh well. You'll have to do the hammer exercise instead of her then, Orin."

"What? Salt's not even my guardian beast!" said Orin.

"That's what they all say," snarled Blaire.

----------------------------------Division Tomato----------------------------------

"Those were sooooo delicious!" squealed Sierra. "You're so cool, Tatiana!"

Tatiana flushed. "Thanks! Maybe Orin's right, you're a little too nice today."

"Are there any more? Please say there are more. I really need more. Those were so good! Give meeee!"

"Yeah, there are more. You and Orin used to hate them so much that I had them stockpiled. Treat yourself," said Tatiana.

----------------------------------Division Tomato---------------------------------------

A bloated Sierra walked into the basement, the new room (at least to her) that she was to share with Salt. The poor guardian beast was drained and could hardly move.

"I'm so tired," said Salt. "I'm going to walk and tell the wind everything that's going on."

Salt left the workshop. After a few minutes of digesting, Sierra left too but couldn't find Salt and ended up at the fishing hole.

---------------------------------------Division Tomato-----------------------------------

End of Day I.

Talked with: Chief

"Hello, Sierra," said the chief. "I wasn't doing anything suspicious that involved any old men or cheating at fishing or anything of the sort. Not that you would suspect me. You know, you remind me a little of my little sister, funny how that turns out grammatically. I never did like grammar. But then, I don't speak slang either. Not that I ever tried. But there was this one time when I was playing poker…blah blah"

Sierra nodded along and interrupted every once in a while with an intelligent comment (at least to her). She was impressed—no one she knew could ever keep up talking like that. She also found whatever the chief said to be extremely interesting.

"So as I was saying, the banana famine was worldwide, but it was during this period where I developed a taste for cookies. Not just any cookies, but chocolate chip cookies. I particularly love homemade cookies. One time, a girl offered me wonderful-looking cookies but I had to say no because I was in my doughnut phase. That was the worst period of my life, you know. I don't know what got into me, but I remember that I got sick once because of a particular doughnut that wasn't baked thoroughly. I sucked the store dry of its money for that. It also happened to be the old man's favorite store! Hee hee!"

"Hee hee!" Sierra laughed too. "Way to get back at them!"

"I know! It was worth getting sick for," agreed the chief.

"I have to go to sleep now," said Sierra, fighting a yawn. "How do I get back to my house?"

"Thattaway. You can't miss it," said the chief.

Sierra arrived at her home an hour later.