AN: Not mine.


"I don't want to talk about this."

"Tough shit, Danvers. You kissed me last night, remember?" Lucy crosses her arms, feet planted as she lifts her chin. "So we're talking about this."

Alex clenches her jaw. "Lucy, get out of my way."

"Look, I get the whole 'messy workplace relationships' bit. I really do. And I also get that I'm technically your boss, but…" Lucy shrugs. "I couldn't give a shit, really. You're a damn good kisser, Danvers."

Alex's hands curl into fists at her sides. She really fucking wants to break something right about now. "It was a one-time thing, Lucy. It won't happen again."

"I don't think that's what you want." Lucy pushes off the wall and takes a step forward, eyes boring challengingly into Alex's.

"Don't." Alex means to growl warningly, but it comes out choked. Lucy stops, softening slightly.

"What are you afraid of, Alex?" she asks gently. Alex clenches her jaw so hard she swears one of her teeth crack, trying not to remember stormy grey eyes and a dark rooftop and oh god, there was blood, so much blood—

"I love her."

The words are torn from her like plucked feathers. Alex drops her gaze to the floor, every muscle in her body tense. "I—I love her."

She hears Lucy exhale slowly, and suddenly it feels like there's a dagger between her ribs. "Is it Vasquez?"

"Vas—god, no." Alex snorts in spite of everything, wrinkling her nose. "No, she's my friend." Don't think about her, don't think about that soft voice, the name only she used even though you hated it—don't—

"Then who?" Lucy's voice is closer than it had been, just as soft, and Alex jerks her head up, startled. She instantly regrets it when green eyes catch her own (green like olives or pine trees, not a sickly neon color, not like—), and what she sees there makes the burn in her own eyes threaten to spill.

"Please don't," Alex begs softly, because not even Kara knows and if she names her then that means it's real and she can't deal with that. Not without losing her mind. "Please."

"Alex…." Lucy's hand gently curves around her jaw; not pushing or pulling, just holding, mooring Alex in place with a feather-light touch. Alex lets out a jagged sob as something within her gives way, as something crumbles even while Lucy gives her an anchor.

"Astra." The name is barely even a breath as Alex squeezes her eyes shut, shaking, nearly sick with guilt and shame. Bright green light burns behind her closed lids, and she hears the shocked gasp Astra had uttered as the sword protruded from her chest. And then Kara landed on the roof and she'd been crying and oh god

"Alex—" There are tears in Lucy's eyes, and Alex jerks back as though burned. Her heart is hammering in her chest, and all she can think of is the feeling of Astra's fingers gently caressing her cheek.

"Don't. Just—I'm sorry, Lucy. I can't….I can't." Alex sidesteps her and heads for the door, and this time Lucy doesn't block her path. "This isn't—I just can't. I'm…I'm so sorry." Her voice quivers. "You deserve better." She all but bolts from the room before Lucy can respond, tears flowing down her cheeks.

"If she is your sister, and I am her aunt…what does that make us?" There is something she dare not name in Astra's eyes, something like hope, something like yearning, and Alex wants so badly to lean forward and capture those lips with her own—

We're nothing now, but maybe, if you can change….maybe…..

"Nothing," Alex says firmly with a shake of her head, and watches as Astra's eyes dim.