"Himiko… Himiko, are you awake?"
Yamato's hands were cold, sending an uncomfortable chill along her arm. She creaked open an eye, struggling to pick out her brother's face from the black silhouette.
"I wasn't," she rasped a little grumpily, but lifting her head just the same. "What is it…?"
"I wanted to talk to you." His hand smoothed over her rumpled hair, patting it down repeatedly in jerking strokes. "Sorry to wake you up."
"It can't wait 'til tomorrow…?" She had school in the morning, she had to get up early…
"There's no time." She could see him a little better now, her eyes adjusting to the dark. His face was pale and drawn, eyes staring somewhere beyond her. "Himiko, I wanted to tell you something, something really important…"
"Oh, uh… okay." Himiko sat up, rubbing her eyes. Even she could tell that something had been wrong with her big brother lately- of course he tried to act like everything was okay, but when he thought no one was looking… that was when his eyes died.
"Himiko…" His hands squeezed her thin shoulders, and his face was so close to hers she could smell his breath- he'd been drinking. "Sometimes- sometimes, even when someone really loves you, they… they do things that hurt you, because… because they're trying to do what's best."
"If something's the right thing to do, it shouldn't hurt anybody," she countered. "Isn't that what makes it right?"
His face twisted, and she almost shied back, almost jumped out from underneath his hands, but this was Yamato, this was her big brother. He wouldn't hurt her.
The darkness only lasted for a moment, and then he smiled sadly. "You're still a little girl," he said quietly. "I hope you'll understand someday."
"I'm not a little kid!" she protested, and he smiled again, his lower lip betraying him with a slight tremble.
"Of course not," he agreed, lifting a hand from her shoulder to stroke her cheek, fingertips trailing along her jaw. "You're all grown up, aren't you? A strong, beautiful, grown up woman."
"Yup," she nodded with a scowl. "Told you."
"You'll have to be careful of all the boys, Himiko," he said quietly, still stroking her face, something unreadable in his eyes. "You're so pretty, they'll never leave you be… And they'll never treat you right."
"Well, then you can beat them up, right?" The way he was watching her was making it hard to swallow; it was Yamato, but it wasn't him at the same time… the way it was never quite herself that she looked at in the mirror.
"Of course," he replied, even though his eyes were lying. "Of course I will… I can make sure that no one ever touches you."
His hand was cold underneath her nightshirt, raising goosebumps on her stomach. The fingers that dug into her small breast confused her more than anything else, and she searched his eyes, trying to find her brother in those dark depths.
All too suddenly, she didn't know where he'd gone.
"Don't make a noise," he demanded, voice rough, face shattered into a million pieces like broken glass. He was too ugly to look at but she couldn't turn her head, couldn't push off his hands when he wrenched her down to the rumpled quilt.
"No," she whispered. That was what they'd taught her to say in school. "No. Stop."
"Shut up," said the man who had stolen her brother, and he was bunching up sheets in her mouth, ripping the fabric of her panties- the lavender ones, her favorites- and pushing his fingers where no one was supposed to touch until she got married, and she was choking on the sheets and her eyes were stinging-
And then there was yelling and crashing, and the pain was gone, except for a vague stinging. Light was spilling in from the hallway, but there was a hand over her eyes, a hand worlds gentler than the one before, keeping the world out until the arguing suddenly stopped.
It was very quiet for a long time, and then the hand over her eyes was patting her hair back, the mattress dipping beside her. "Hey," a familiar voice said, the sheets pulling out from between her teeth. "Were you having a nightmare?"
"I… I was…" Himiko sat up, staring around the room. "Yamato was here… where did he go…?"
For a moment, Ban just stared at her. Then he grinned.
"You're just dreaming. We've been out in the front all night." He patted her shoulder. "Go to sleep. Don't worry about anything."
"But-" Himiko blinked, then stared. Here she was, in bed… where was the ache on her chest, between her legs…? And the rips in her underwear, and the bunched sheets?
"Just a bad dream, kid." Ban ruffled her hair and headed for the door. "Good night… sweet dreams."
Himiko stretched, then laid down. After what seemed like forever, she rolled over, and she must have leaned on something wrong and maybe moved over an exposed spring, because by the time she looked up at the clock, she'd managed to rip her underwear and bruise her chest.
Only a minute had gone by.
