There really is no excuse for this. I know it. But when the muse strikes (especially when she's been rather quiet lately) you must answer. This happened because I was watching HIMYM (right after Marvin was born) and then We Bought A Zoo. And somehow this is what came of it. I doubt it will be very long, but I have a rough idea. Anyways, let me know if you're interested in reading more of this or if it's rubbish.

Disclaimer - I have never been pregnant/given birth, so all descriptions are based on TV, books etc. This one is rated A for Angst.

Enjoy!


It wasn't supposed to be like this. There had been a plan, several in fact. There had been a white dress and a happily ever after. There had been love and life and so much happiness. It was never supposed to happen like this. Nowhere in their plans did they allow for this as a possibility.

"Araaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghannnnnnnnnnnahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Rachel screamed as agony ripped through her. Her fists were balled at her side and her teeth were gritted against the pain.

"Come on, Sweetie. Push. I know it hurts." Santana encouraged from somewhere beside her. Quinn was rubbing her shoulder and Blaine was gripping her hand. Instead she focused on the doctor sitting between her legs.

Another scream ripped its way up her throat as she fought through the worst pain she'd ever felt.

"Rachel, Rachel, you need to push. I know this is hard. And I know that this isn't the way you imagined things but-"

"But he was supposed to be here!" Thick tears of heartbreak rolled down her red cheeks as the pain seemed to double. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Rachel Puckerman wasn't supposed to be a single mother. She certainly had never dreamed she'd be a widow.

"I can't do this!" Rachel screamed at the top of her lungs. "I can't do it without him. I don't want to! Don't make me!"

Her friends were all talking over each other in their efforts to console her. But it was all white noise. Everything was white noise and agony.

"That's enough!" Sebastian bellowed through the din and her eyes found him at her side. She didn't remember him being there but it made sense. If Noah Puckerman couldn't be here, then hell couldn't keep his best friend from her side.

"Seb!" She blubbered, reaching out to grasp the front of his button down shirt. "Seb, it hurts. Make it stop. Please make it stop."

She held his gaze as he stepped closer and cupped her cheek. "Rachel Barbra Puckerman. I know that your heart is broken. We're all broken." She watched as a lone tear rolled down his cheek. "I didn't think any of us would survive without him." His jaw tightened as he fought for control. "I'm still not sure we'll survive it. I can't promise you that everything will be okay. Noah was the best person I knew."

"I c-can't do this without h-him!" She wailed.

Sebastian's tears overflowed and he rested his forehead against hers. "I know, Babe. I know. I miss him too."

Rachel sobbed. "Sometimes I wake up and find myself reaching for him. Sometimes I forget. Seb, Seb. I don't know what to do!"

Sebastian's tears mingled with her own as he fought for control. "Yes, yes you do. You need to take a deep breath. Then you need to push. Push harder than you think you can. You fight and you bring that beautiful baby Puckerman into the world. And whenever you look at your child, you'll see Noah. And it will break your heart every time. But it will also heal you." He pressed his lips against her sweaty forehead. "I know that I'm asking too much. But you need to push."

Rachel shook her head furiously. "But it hurts."

"We're here. Babe, we're here."

Rachel nodded. She took several deep breaths and then lurched forwards. She screamed as she pushed. She half-listened to the doctor who was giving her instructions. Her friends' encouragement fell upon deaf ears. She loved them for being there. And she couldn't have made it this far without them.

But she'd never felt more alone.

She had been dreaming about this day for years. She had always thought she'd like being a mother. But it wasn't until she fell in love with Noah completely that she decided she desperately wanted to have his children. Perhaps that's why she'd never been sure. When she'd considered a family with her previous boyfriends, it had always been too complicated. With Finn she had worried that children would mean settling down in Lima and watching as her dreams ran away from her. With Jesse she had imagined unhappy children being raised by nannies while their parents sought fame above all else. By the time she'd dated Brody she'd given up on the idea of children altogether.

But then Noah Puckerman had stolen her heart. He'd always had part of it. When he'd finally made a move they'd fallen headfirst into forever and never looked back.

But they didn't have forever. He didn't have enough time.

Another wave of tears flooded her cheeks as she continued to push. "I miss him. I miss him. I miss him. I miissssssssssssssssssss himmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm."

"One more good push, Mrs. Puckerman! I can see the crown."

He wasn't here. He wasn't here to hold her hand and cry with her. He wasn't here to assure her of how much he loved her. He wasn't here to push the sweaty hair off of her forehead and out of her eyes. He wasn't here. He wasn't here and he'd promised.

Rachel closed her eyes and fought to remember the last time she'd seen Noah.

It was a beautiful day and the sun was flooding the streets of New York. Rachel bit her lip as she gazed down at her husband.

"God you're beautiful. I can't believe how beautiful you are." He breathed before reaching up to cup her cheek. He pulled her forward and caught her in his arms as she fell off the step. His mouth covered hers and she melted against him. "I love you" He mumbled against her lips. "I love you and I promise I'll be home in a few months."

He placed her back on the step outside their home and leaned down to kiss her belly. She was barely beginning to show but he swore she'd never been more beautiful.

"I love you, Baby." He promised.

"I love you, Noah."

She focused on the memory of his face and gave one final push. The most beautiful sound broke through the haze and the pain. Moments later the loveliest, tiniest, little creature was placed against her chest. As her eyes settled upon her daughter, a smile crossed her lips for the very first time in three months.

"She's beautiful." She sighed.

"She's the perfect combination of you and Noah, Rach." Sebastian told her tearfully.

"She has his eyes, Seb. He should be here." Tears rolled unnoticed down her cheeks as she admired every inch of her daughter.

Sebastian leaned against the bed as they gazed at the beautiful baby. "Look at her little hands." Sebastian commented as he touched her tiny little fingers. He leaned his head against Rachel's. "I promise I'll be here every step of the way. You're family."

Rachel nodded.

"Do you want me to go get the others?"

Rachel finally looked away from her daughter and glanced around the now-empty room. "Where did everyone go?"

Sebastian managed a chuckle. "I kicked them all out. They meant well but it was obviously too much for you."

She squeezed his hand in thanks.

"I'll give you two a minute." He pressed his lips against her hair and left her alone for the first time as a mother.

Rachel sniffled as her daughter blinked up at her. "You are so beautiful, little girl. You're the most amazing little thing I've ever seen." Rachel choked on her words. "It's just me, sweetheart. I'm sorry. I wish you could have met your daddy. He was-" she paused as one of her tears hit her daughter's forehead. "He was the kindest, funniest, most loving person I ever knew and I will love you enough for the both of us."

She hummed softly as she waited for her friends to arrive. She hadn't believed it was possible. She didn't think she would survive without him but she was so in love with her daughter already. How was it possible to be both heartbroken and full of joy?

The door opened and her friends flooded in. She grinned up at Sam, Quinn, Santana, Brittany, Blaine and Sebastian as they all fussed over their newest addition. "Baby, this is your family. Guys, this is Caroline Joy Puckerman."

She caught Sebastian's gaze from across the room and nodded. They were going to survive.

But there wouldn't be a minute in the future where they wouldn't wish Noah was there with them.


Across the world in a dingy motel room, a young man opened his eyes. He stared up at the stained ceiling, alert and anxious. His ears strained to hear the argument of a man and woman a few doors down the hall. His nose picked up on the faded scent of anti-septic cleaner. Once he was sure that he was alone, he tilted his head to the side and surveyed his surroundings. The room was dank and just passed for clean. There were no decorations and the walls were a gross yellow. He was lying on a bed 4 ½ feet exactly from the door. A light flickered in the bathroom beside the door. The chain was thrown on the door. He moved to a seated position and placed his feet on the tile floor.

The argument moved towards his door and past it before the couple moved to the stairwell. They weren't yelling in English.

After a few moments he moved from the bed and picked up the worn black wallet on the table by the door. Inside it he found only $35 American and a photo. His thumb traced over the picture of a beautiful brunette. She had deep, chocolate eyes and a strong nose. Her lips were red and full as she grinned for the camera.

A growl of frustration echoed through the room and he punched the wall.

How was it that he knew the exact measurements in his room and his pulse without checking? But he carried a photo of a woman he didn't know. And he had no idea who he was.

All he had was some cash and a picture of a beautiful woman. He didn't even have a name.


The end. For now. The usual excuses - final semester, life blah blah blah. Let me know what you think and if you'd like me to continue? Pretty please? Thanks for reading!