Author's Note:

I can't seem to get the words to finish my previous story. This idea has been in my head for WEEKS and it's completely taken over. Hope you like it. Review/comment if I should continue, or if you have any suggestions!


It's been three months since I walked through these steel doors. Three months since I last made contact with my friends, my family; with her.

I got the email this morning. It's been a habit since I got here to check my emails, and todays hit especially close to home. See, they give us these little "allowed vacations" here. Normally, patients would call their families, loved ones, with an update and hopeful thoughts. But me? I ask for permission to check my email. Sounds silly when you think about it, but to me it makes all sorts of sense. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw her email pop up; I know that's why I've continued checking it, hoping she'd give up and send something- anything.

See, the people that were in my life mean more than anything to me. And disappearing on them isn't something that I'm necessarily proud of, but it was something that needed to be done. But today's email shattered my heart. And as I stand here, about to walk back into the real world, it's all I can see. The words she sent me, how she must have looked with tears rolling down her beautiful cheeks, and those amazing big brown eyes filled with tears. It's tearing me up more than I thought it would.

Of course, you never picture getting to read the email your girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, sends you when she thinks you're dead. Because normally, you are dead at that point. I guess when I signed myself in here; I should have at least called my parents, or her, to let them know I was safe; I just needed help that no one there could have given me.

Breaking Finn from his thoughts, an orderly walks over and hands him the last cup of medicine he'll have to take supervised. Finn smiles at her, thanks her with his adorable crooked smile, and takes the pills like a champ. Before he knows it, he's in line for his ticket and boarding the plane to head home.

Home. It's been so long since he's been there.

Finn has been clean for three months, three days. It's crazy for him to even think he'd started using again. It's even crazier for him to think that without any warning, he left Lima and went to Florida to check into rehab. He can't wait to be home, to see his beautiful mother, shake Burt's hand, and pick on Kurt for his carves. But mostly, he can't wait to see that petite brunette. He can't wait to see how she's changed, to see the pictures of what he's missing. Although, there's a chance he's going to get his ass kicked by Santana, he just hopes Rachel will understand and let him be in their lives.

As he sits on the plane, he pulls out the email he printed. It was the one that set everything into perspective for him. His therapist had been telling him for almost a month now that he seemed well on his way to recovery, and would be fine to head home. But for some reason, Finn wasn't ready. Maybe because he was scared that being home meant being back in college, and college meant being around his idiot of a roommate. He should have known the moment Puck left for LA that living on campus was a bad idea.

But Rachel's email made it very clear to him- it was time to come home. Reading it over and over again, he can't imagine how she'll react when she realizes she was wrong. He wasn't dead, he didn't truly abandon her… them.

My Dearest Finn,

It's been three months, and five days since I've heard from you. At first I thought you were just busy with school, still needing some space. At first I wasn't exactly concerned when I didn't get a call back from you. But when your mom called me last week, to tell me that the police had given up and assumed you died that night… Do you know how much it hurts to see the love of your life's name on an obituary?! Of course not. You don't know how much anything hurts now.

Finn, how could you do this to me, to us?! I understand that college is hard, peer pressure is hard to resist and temptation is such a big thing. But seriously, heroin? Did you think AT ALL before you injected that?!

And now, now I'm left with the broken promises, the what-ifs, and a stomach that is growing more and more by the day.

That's right, I'm pregnant.

But you aren't here to share this with me. You aren't here to see our child, our baby, when he or she is born, or says their first words or walks. You have to miss it all now, over one stupid mistake.

I'm so angry with you; I just want to break something. Instead of you being by my side through this, holding my hand during my appointments, being there in two weeks to see the sex of our baby, I'm left with Santana. Don't get me wrong, I love the girl and I'm so appreciative of her being here, but she's all I've got now.

I never go to tell you I was pregnant, or that Brody was just to fill my time, and the space in my heart. I never got to tell you that I didn't sleep with him; I didn't love him, because I was and still am completely in love with you.

You took that from me. You left me, when I needed you more than ever, even if you didn't know it.

And all I'm left with is an email address.

I'm heading to Lima tomorrow, for your memorial. I wasn't going to go, and I've missed most of the week, but I found this song and I just need, I need to get this out before I completely loose it.

I'll always love you Finn, even if I don't understand.

-Your star forever,

Rachel Berry *

As the plane touches down, he can't shake the butterflies in his stomach, the sick feeling that things are going to be okay yet will never be the same again. He rushes through baggage claim, picks up his truck from the parking lot, and heads from Columbus back to Lima, Ohio, praying he can make it there in time to see her before her flight home.