Life is cruel. It gives us everything then takes it away in the blink of an eye.
You know those people who are literally rays of sunshine, like they are always happy and cheery no matter what happens to them. He was one of them. When we first met I was a huge asshole, granted I'm still an asshole but I was even worse back then. Because of this my only friends were Eren Jeager, Armin Arlert and Mikasa Ackerman; they were in a polygamy relationship that nobody but themselves really understood so most kids tended to avoid them. There was nothing really wrong with them and they were cool kids but I still felt really alone, it was like I was intruding on their relationship. That's when I met Marco Bodt. We were partnered together for a school project and instantly clicked. I swore he was pure perfection, His face was childlike especially with the freckles dusted over his round nose. His chocolate brown hair looked so soft and his green eyes always shined so brightly. I knew then that I was in love.
After many months of hopelessly pining and a lot of convincing from my friends I finally worked up the nerves to ask Marco on a date. I stuttered the whole time and was blushing like crazy. Thankfully he said yes. Our first date was pretty basic just a movie. At the end of the date I took him home and walked him to the door. Just as I was about to head back to my car he grabbed me by the shoulders and KISSED ME. It was a short chaste kiss but a kiss none the less.
From then on we were always around each other. We were crazy about each other. Of course we got weird looks from the other kids at school but I never cared as long as I had Marco I was happy.
That's when it happened. The doctors diagnosed him with fourth stage chronic lymphocytic leukaemia. They said it was too late for any treatments and he would have less than half a year. I still remember feeling so utterly confused and distraught. I still can't imagine what it would have been like for Marco. Knowing that your life could be over any second.
I'd like to say that Marco kept his always positive attitude during his last months but truthfully sometimes the world got to him. I remember one of these times that will always be burned into my memory.
It was when Marco had just under two months left, I had come as soon as I could to the hospital. He could hardly move at all but he turned to look at me. His face was a emotionless when he told me he it all hurt too much and wanted to end it all now so he still had some dignity. He told me he couldn't do it himself and asked me to help him. I couldn't understand and yelled at him from the top of my lungs with hot tears falling down my face that he couldn't just give up. That he couldn't leave just yet. That's when he lost it and completely broke down. He cried so much and I just held him whispering comforting words and making promises I couldn't keep.
Marco died a year ago. Today is the anniversary of his death. Since then I haven't talked to anybody, not even Eren, Armin or Mikasa. I haven't left my house or done anything. All I can do is nothing but question why this world is so cruel and unjust. I can't bear to be part of its little games anymore. I'm sorry for everything.
Goodbye.
Jean Kirstein
