Disclaimer: Lenore belongs to Roman Dirge. blah de blah blah





Lenore, Queen of the Fairy Gnomes

In a strange gloomy house Lived a strange little girl Though perhaps lived is not the word For this little girl, named Lenore, so it's said In spite of appearances was in fact dead

One day, seeking something to occupy her mind Up in the attic she happened to find A shimmering, glittery, magical sight A fairy costume, the wings shining so bright.

Giggling, Lenore rushed out of the door Pretending to cast magical spells galore She danced and she pranced this way and that The only thing odd was the skull on her hat

Suddenly a strange sight met her eyes Lenore gave a gasp of bewildered surprise An odd little man who resembled a bean Proclaimed that she must be the great fairy queen

She followed him down to his magical home Deep under the earth where the fairy gnomes roam There in the catacombs she saw them assembled A ba-zillion fairy gnomes! Poor Lenore trembled.

They talked of strange things- 'uglies', a 'two backed beast' Lenore's confustion only increased The little gnomes pointed an shouted and stared For the little dead girl it was too much to be beared*

Some say what came next was the simple result Of way too much caffeine, sugar and salt Chocolate coated coffee beans, fairy floss on a stick Brain freezies, pop rocks, milkshakes extra thick.

Others have said it was 'cause Billy Nipkiss Once hit her with a garden gnome Just out of meanness

Whatever the cause In our heroine's brain Something went 'snappiyt snap' And she wasn't quite sane

Lenore gave a terrible, horrible shriek And seized up a gnome, oh so mild and meek She smashed the poor creature into his brother Then seized up the next gnome, and another, and another

At first all the gnomes could do was stand awed But then they tried to flee from the screams and the blood Lenore stood towering in the midst of the slaughter No more an object of gnome fun and laughter

When at last all the gnomes were dead, pickled in jars Lenore still couldn't feel safe indoors She couldn't relax until she'd at least Managed to track down the dread two-backed beast.

The moral of the tale, if there has to be one Is that being a monarch is not always fun.



*Yes, I know it's 'borne'. It's artistic licence, okay?

J.Muirhead 2002