A/N: Did I actually finish a project for this account for once? I believe I did. So enjoy this fluffy Stan/Kyle fic if that's what you're into.

I was always in love with Kyle, not like I wanted to be his boyfriend but that I knew I needed him.

He was my super best friend, he had been since I could remember. My life was basically built around him. He was in all of my memories, he knew everything about me—almost everything. There were things I couldn't tell him because I couldn't understand them myself.

In the beginning I had an honest-to-god crush on Wendy. I thought she was cute and smart and perfect and she toyed with me just enough to keep me interested. Kyle made fun of me for it too but he was just messing around. Middle school was what fucked me up. I still liked Wendy and she seemed to like me enough but I didn't care as much as before. When she got a new suitor I hardly paid any attention to it. I wish I'd just gotten more apathetic but someone else was stealing all my attention…and affection.

It was when we got to middle school that Cartman's Jew jokes really started grating on me. I had never found Cartman particularly funny but we made fun of Kyle for being a Jew, it's how it worked. It seemed I had forgotten how that though because it started pissing me off immensely. I would lash out at Cartman whenever he started to say anything, not joking at all. Whenever I did my brain would growl no one messes with Kyle.

Whenever Kyle asked me about it I just said that I was sick of Cartman's stupid jokes, pretending that the little voice in my head talked about anything but him. It was disconcerting to say the least. I had become a possessive asshole in a couple of months without even noticing. It wasn't even from a girlfriend, it was from my best friend, my super best friend. It was the first secret I kept from Kyle. It wouldn't take much longer for it to snowball into more secrets that I could count though.

I could handle being protective of him though. It was a little weird but I could handle it. He was my super best friend and I didn't want him to get hurt. I was protecting him like a brother, you know, like he protects Ike. The urge was a little stronger than it would be for most friends but that understandable too. Do you know how many times I almost lost him? Of course I'm a little protective. We've been through hell and back together and losing him now…Never mind, I know a little too well how much that hurts and I don't want to go there again.

If only it stopped there though. There were physically things that started creeping into my thoughts of Kyle. It started with his hair—or was it his hands? I think it was his hair. I'd always known what looked like, like he knew mine but it changed in middle school. It was still the same frizzy, red mess but sometimes he cut it shorter and I could see the individual little curls. They were, ugh I'm going to hate myself for saying this, they were cute. They were really, really cute. Sometimes I wished for an excuse to play with his hair like girls had. The first time I wished for an excuse to play with his hair I knew I couldn't justify it anymore. These weren't normal friend things anymore. I wasn't sure what they were yet but it was certainly past friendship. It was past super best friendship too.

His hair sparked definitely not-friend ideas but I still obsessed over his hands. Not his hands really but holding them. I mean, I liked his hands by themselves too. They were a little girly because his nails grew fast and rarely broke but I liked them because they were soft and clammy and comforting. Just his hand on my shoulder could bring me back to earth or make me melt. Whenever I grabbed his wrist to lead him somewhere then I was just doing it because it was the closest I could get to holding his hand. That want was a boyfriend thing. That was something I did with Wendy when we went out. But I didn't think I wanted to be Kyle's boyfriend. That was weird. I still wanted to be best friends with him just a different kind of best friends like the kind girls were. Where you could hold hands and play with their hair and no one cares.

Kenny caught on to my shift in feelings almost before I did. He said something when I was losing it on Cartman. I was screaming at the fatass to leave Kyle the fuck alone. Kyle put his hand on my shoulder to calm me down and pull me back. The second I felt his hand I wasn't angry. I wasn't angry at all just a bit dazed and so goddamned happy. "Whoa, Stan. Calm down." Kyle told me.

"Yeah," I replied, trying to act normal. "He's not worth it."

Kenny narrowed his eyes at me. "M'here." He said, pulling me down the hall and around the corner.

"Kenny what are you doing?" I growled, trying to get my wrist back.

He pulled his hood down so I knew he was pissed or some other big emotion. "I'm not going to be an asshole and say this in front of Kyle…or Cartman." He added slowly like he was just thinking that the fatass would be a problem.

"Say what?" I asked, losing patience.

He sighed, getting frustrated. "I don't care about your little thing with Kyle but it's getting really obvious."

"What?" I slumped against the lockers. "How?" It wasn't a 'thing.' I didn't know what it was!

"Dude, how long have I known you? I know you don't look at best friends like that."

"Why? Why do you care?" I felt defeated. If Kenny knew then Kyle totally did and he'll hate me for it.

"Look I don't care who like or who you love or who you get off to—unless it's me because you can have that real thing anytime," he looked at me to laugh but you know, life crumbling before my eyes and all. "Anyway, I don't care about you and Kyle, it's kind of expected, it's just getting really obvious and the fatass is gonna catch on."

The fatass? "Cartman?" I whined. I'll just switch schools now, maybe move to San Francisco.

"Yeah, I mean you two'd be cute but the fatass would grill your ass for it." He shrugged. "So be less obvious…unless you want to get caught in which case be more obvious, Cartman'll get tired of fucking with you two eventually."

"Two?" I asked like he was crazy.

Kenny returned the look. "Yeah, why would you come out separately?"

I laughed. "Kyle's not a part of it."

Kenny stopped, confused. "He's not?"

I shook my head. "No, he's not. I'm the only one who's fucked up here."

"Really?" He asked like he expected me to jump up and say 'just kidding!'

"Yes, really. Jesus, why don't you believe that?"

"You guys really aren't going out?"

"No, god, I don't even like him."

Kenny narrowed his eyes at me again. "That's a fucking lie and you know it."

I stopped trying to deny that I liked him because I just didn't know. "We're not going out, Kenny, I haven't told Kyle anything."

"But he looks at you the same way." He seemed panicked for a second and then stopped and sighed, trying to rework what he was saying. "You two act like secret lovers and you're not?"

"No." I said getting frustrated.

Kenny sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Just go for him—kiss him, hold his hand, tell him you want to be more than friends, anything. If you don't you'll make each other miserable. You both like each other—" I went to explain that he was wrong but he just held up his hand. "I don't care what you feel for him, the point is that he feels the same way."

"It's no big mystery, I'm just confused."

Kenny began to stand up while talking. "Then he is too and you should try and figure things out. You'd make a cute couple." He pulled his hood up and walked down the hall, back towards Kyle and Cartman.

I didn't think I could follow. I went down the other of the hall, towards a bathroom. I could hide in there for a little bit, I mean what life-shattering events happen in a bathroom? I tried to sort out everything that had just happened, starting with what was good and what was bad. Good: Kyle doesn't know, Kyle doesn't know, Kenny's cool with me and him no matter what, the fatass doesn't know, I can fuck Kenny whenever I was (?). Bad: I still don't know what the fuck is going on (with me, with Kyle, with anything), I need to make a move on Kyle according to Kenny, it looks like Kyle and I are already together but secretly, Kenny wants to sleep with me (?).

I was probably missing things but everything was still a confused mess in my mind and I was in a bathroom. I was safe. I could hide in one of the stalls but it'd look weird and the stalls smelled like ass anyway. I washed my hands and ran a hand through my hair, cold helping me clear my head.

The only thing it clarified though was that I was absolutely fucked. And not the kind Kenny wanted me to be either, the things-are-going-horribly-wrong-and-I-might-be-spi raling-out-of-control kind. It was terrifying and I kinda wanted Kenny back. It was a dick move to dump all of that on me but it was worse to just leave me afterwards. Without Kenny throwing new wrenches into my plans every second I just had to sit there and think about how to fix things myself.

I felt like I was going to rip my hair out when I heard the door swing open. "Stan?" It was a very familiar voice with a tentative edge to it.

I took about ten seconds to turn around because I had to decide whether the sink was deep enough to drown myself in or not. It wasn't. "Yeah?"

He laughed a little bit but it was more a sound of relief. "Kenny just drags you off somewhere and then came back without you. It was weird."

I shrugged. "I wasn't really expecting it either."

"What'd he want?" There was weird tone to his voice. One I couldn't remember hearing before.

"Just some bullshit assignment for science." I replied, feeling out the new territory.

"Oh, I thought he was good at science." It was a loaded question, Kyle was already suspecting something.

"Yeah, he just didn't have time to do it yesterday. Some date or something."

He nodded noncommittally obviously not convinced. "You wanna come over today? I wanna play that old PGA game again."

I agreed almost without thinking about it. I basically signed my sanity away without a thought. "Sure, Kyle, do you need to pick up your brother too?"

"Nah, I think he got detention or something."

I laughed, apparently Ike learned something from his brother.

"You wanna go back now?"

"You think we lost Kenny and the fatass?"

Kyle shrugged. "I just wanna know if Kenny kicked his ass while we were gone."

I smiled at the thought of Kenny beating the shit out of Cartman. He deserved it anyway.

The panic kind of just…left after lunch ended. Kyle was suspicious of something but he was still being Kyle and Kenny was still being Kenny. Things would just keep going, I figured.

I waited by Kyle's locker after school. He came down the hall, slightly flushed and hatless from PE. The thought of things being normal again was suddenly ridiculous. I just wanted to run my hands through his hair and play with the springy strands.

"Am I really that late?" He asked, getting his stuff.

"Uh…" Words were becoming a bit a problem. "Nah," I managed.

The moment we got off of school grounds Kyle seemed to brighten. He started making the same stupid faces we did when we were younger. It was something that would make only us laugh. Kyle had kept his hat off but it didn't steal all of my attention like before. It was just like a different flavor of Kyle. He was still making me laugh and laughing with me. He was still my super best friend, you know, he was just my super best friend with incredibly cute hair.

His mom was out talking to the principal about Ike and his dad was still working when we got to Kyle's house so we just settled on the couch with the old game that I used to play with Cartman.

It was perfectly normal until Kyle said something with that edge in his voice again. "You think Kenny is on another date?" I could almost hear the air-quotes around the word 'date.' We both knew Kenny didn't date, he fucked.

I shrugged. "I can't keep up with his dates." I put audible air-quotes around the word too.

Kyle squirmed on the couch, trying to get comfortable. "Do you know who he's been with?"

I paused the game and looked at him. "No, probably everyone."

"Everyone-everyone?" He asked, sounding like Wendy had back in elementary but with that same edge. Jealousy? Was Kyle jealous?

I scoffed at the idea. "Can't be everyone I guess. Why are you asking?"

Kyle tried to brush it off. "I was just wondering how concerned I should be for his health."

I went back to the game and asked a question I barely had time to register, one I didn't really want the answer to. "Have you been with him?"

He looked at me like I was crazy. "No. He's my friend and all but I'm pretty sure I could catch all of the STDs from him." He paused before asking in a quiet voice, "Have you been with him?"

I smirked lightly, he was jealous. Kenny was right, he was feeling what I was feeling. "No, I'm set on someone else."

"Right, Wendy." He said like he'd forgotten about her.

I shook my head and grabbed his hand, still staring at the TV. I laced my fingers through his like I'd wanted to do for too long and it was perfect. This was my new heaven.

I felt him squeeze my hand and it was all the acceptance I needed.

"Kyle?" I questioned, unsurely.

"Yeah?" He answered.

"Can I play with your hair?"

He smiled. "Only if I can kiss you."

I responded by pulling him closer and kissing him. The game left abandoned because I was burying both my hands in his hair.

He was still my best friend—my super best friend. It was just a different flavor of super best friend. The same flavor as his lips and his cheeks and the skin with scrapes and bruises.