HI! It has been long since I last wrote a story and I am sorry for that! I am back and this time, I brought a bit of some life with me. This story is a bit true and it is just Hotaru venting out her mind. This is a no Alice fanfic and this is not associated with the events with the anime or manga. There will be some smut later on as well as violence and i hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer: This is based off the characters of Higuchi Tachibana only. I am the owner of the plot.
Plagiarism is unwelcome.
Why is it that every single time I do something that I feel utterly proud of, there is always something that brings me down? It's like I just pumped up some Red Bull into my life, enjoying the high and then my descent to the Hadal Zone is the most abrupt piece of shit. Ever. Like can I just freaking enjoy this moment, please?
I know I haven't done anything to be all so deserving of happiness, but come on! A girl needs a break once in a while. I am fifteen years old. I haven't had my first boyfriend or even gone on my first date. The first kiss that I was hoping to be all romantic: leg-popping, heart-wrenching, butterflies fluttering deep in my belly was taken away from me. By my cousin. Yes. My cousin. Long story short they had come home for a weekend and everyone was having an afternoon nap and I slept near my cousin and his mom. She got up for a drink of water or something and I was lazing around. My cousin came closer and then he prodded me but I was tired also and didn't respond. He was at that age where it is all about trying new things. New experiences and watching slice of life bullshit. Ok yeah, good for you dearest cousin who is six years older than me. But he was fifteen at that time. He took that chance and kissed me. I pretended to sleep so I couldn't even push away. After a few tries of slobbering kiss (which let me tell you for a first timer he was beyond ridiculous) he turned and went back to sleep. No fireworks nothing.
I have got a few confessions yes but all the guys found me so damn attractive that they couldn't confess their love for me in person, in fear they might faint with how fucking hot I am. Yeah, four confessions, all boys, one was two years older and pretty much a nice guy but I don't really know why I didn't say yes... Oh wait I do. I have this thing where since my parents think I am too young to date, if I do I will most definitely not tell them and then the guilt will eat me and someone will kill me in my sleep. The other two are in my grade and one seriously has never even got the balls enough to even smile at me in class. The other talks to me but he's all too up in my personal space. The last just thought he was some stud muffin and told me how much he loves me and blah blah. He was the worst. He got over my rejection in a week and started dating another 'true love' within 3 weeks. Pa-fucking-thetic.
I guess you could say I'm a tomboy and I love being one I swear! But there are times when I just want to feel like a girl inside and out. I want to rip off all my hair ties, let my hair loose, show off some leg, glamour myself up and just stun the whole population. I know I seem the kind to be disgusted by all the touchy touch, feely feel emotions stuff but I don't. I like it. I'm just embarrassed that if I confess to wanting it, I would be ridiculed.
I am a girl. I have emotions and I also have crushes. I also despite hoping with all my heart that I have a chance with them, I know it's another joke that Fate plays on me if they return my affections. I am a girl. I want to have a fairy tail life but I also wish for that bad boy roar up by my side, throw me a helmet and ruffle my feathers up a bit. I am a girl. I also want to have a perfect family, with amazing friends, an amazing life and even more amazing children. I want it. No, no, no, I NEED it.
I know everyone looks at me and sees everything to do with mischief and rebel tendencies and pain in the ass and so much more. I am laughing around 90 percent of the time, messing around 100 percent. But no one, NOONE understands what goes behind the scenes, far deep inside my cranium. I could tell you everything and so I shall. I know doing so is an act of desperation. Me being desperate to gain sympathy, comfort, pity. Love.
Hi my name is Hotaru Imai and to whoever is reading this, I beg. Lend me some strength. I will pour out my secrets to you. Pour out my hearts deepest desires, my conflicts, my guilty pleasures, my pain and hope in return all I get is relief. I know I am using you. But I am selfish and yet again, I am unworthy of you. I will tell you all.
I will rant. I will criticize. I will be the biggest goddamn hypocrite. I will be rude. I will be bitchy, overcritical, overemotional, and narrow-minded. I will be belligerent, patronizing, pessimistic and pompous. But, I will be completely and utterly honest with you. No holding back.
I will tell you my story.
