It had been two weeks since Brax and Ricky brought the baby home, but Sydney hadn't even held him yet. Watching Kyle doting on their nephew and hearing Brax tell everyone about him should have made her happy, but it didn't.
Waking up to the baby crying, Sydney got changed and headed out to catch some waves. Surfing was her escape, the one thing that made her forget about things and took her away from reality.
Emerging from the water, Sydney tucked her board under her arm and walked up the beach. Dropping her surfboard back at the house, Sydney rushed back out and went to the diner for breakfast.
"Good morning," Leah greeted her cheerily, "What can I get you?"
"Morning, can I just get a coffee and some pancakes please?"
"Of course, how are Brax and Ricky doing?" Leah asked, "They must be thrilled to have baby Casey home."
"They're fine," Sydney replied, trying her hardest to keep her tone calm.
"I remember when I first brought VJ home, the sleepless nights and the seemingly endless nappy changes," Leah said, "Casey is lucky to have such a great family around him."
Sydney could feel the tears forming in her eyes and rushed out of the diner, ignoring Leah's concerned calls. She ran all the way home, needing to clear her mind and fight back the tears that were threatening to fall.
When she reached the house, Sydney walked in to find Heath and Darcy sitting on the sofa with the baby. Darcy hugged Sydney, before pulling her over to Heath and chatting away about how excited she was to meet her new cousin.
"Do you want to take him?" Heath inquired, motioning to the now sleeping baby in his arms.
"No," Sydney mumbled, "I need a shower."
Climbing in the shower, Sydney let the hot water wash over her and closed her eyes tight. She couldn't fight the tears this time and they rolled down her cheeks, mixing with the water that trickled off her hair.
When Sydney returned to the living room, Brax, Ricky, Kyle and Cheryl had arrived. Standing in the doorway, Sydney watched her family bonding with the new addition and was about to disappear into her room when Brax spoke.
"While I've got you all together, me and Ricky have decided to have a naming ceremony for Casey," Brax told them, "We know that none of you are huge on speech giving, but we were hoping that you'd say something and be a part of it."
Heath, Kyle and Cheryl all agreed immediately, but Sydney remained silent and everyone soon turned to look at her.
"I can't," Sydney stated, shaking her head.
"Syd, this is really important to me… to us," Brax added, "Will you at least think about it?"
"I already told you I can't."
"You don't have a choice," Cheryl said, glaring at Sydney and moving towards her angrily, "You think I don't know what's going on, you're jealous… you've always been jealous and this time I'm not letting you get away with ruining another family event."
"Family… it's a little late to be lecturing anyone about family and how the hell would you know anything about how I feel… you haven't been around," Sydney shouted, taking everyone by surprise, "I can't do the speech and you're going to have to accept it."
Sydney rushed from the house and headed to the one place that made her feel okay… the cemetery.
x-x-x
Everyone stared in shock as Sydney ran from the house and silence settled on the group, until Heath spoke.
"Good job, mum."
"Why doesn't Sydney want to make a speech, daddy?" Darcy asked.
"She's a jealous little…" Cheryl started, but Heath cut her off with a glare.
"Sydney's just upset, Darce," Heath reassured his daughter, pulling her into a hug and kissing her head.
"I should have seen it earlier," Brax added, running his hand over his face and drawing everyone's attention to him, "I need to go find her and talk to her."
x-x-x
Sitting in front of her brother's grave, Sydney allowed the tears to fall down her face again and hugged her knees close to her chest. She didn't know how long she had been there, before she heard movement behind her and turned round to find Brax.
"I thought you'd be here."
"Needed to talk."
"Then talk to me, Syd," Brax stated, sitting down beside her, "I can't help if you won't tell me what's wrong."
"I miss him, Brax," Sydney whispered, " I miss him all the time and nobody seems to want to talk about him… it's like he doesn't exist in our lives anymore. I want to bond with my nephew… I want to be able to hold him and baby-sit with Kyle, but every time I looked at him or hear his name it reminds me that Casey isn't coming back."
"I am so sorry, Syd," Brax replied, "I never wanted to make you feel like you couldn't talk about him and Casey will always be a part of our lives. Do you know why we chose to call the baby Casey?"
"In memory of Casey."
"Partly, but we also chose to call him Casey because that's the sort of person we want him to grow up to be," Brax explained, "Baby Casey will grow up around you, Kyle and Heath, but we wanted him to have some connection to his uncle Casey as well."
"It's hard," Sydney mumbled.
"I know," Brax told her, standing up and offering Sydney his hand, "Come and meet your nephew
Sydney hesitated, before taking a deep breath and allowing Brax to pull her up. Wrapping his arms around Sydney, Brax kissed her head and led her back to the house. Following Brax inside, Sydney smiled as Ricky pulled her into a hug and glanced over at Brax who winked at her.
"I'm sorry," Sydney said to Ricky.
"No need to apologise… do you want to hold him?" Ricky inquired, noticing Sydney watching the baby.
Nodding, she moved over to Heath and watched as he handed over the tiny bundle that was cradled in his arms. Staring down at the baby, Sydney kissed his head gently and sat down next to Kyle.
Over the next two weeks, Sydney bonded with Casey and helped Ricky out with the preparations for the naming ceremony. She had been working on something special for it for almost a week and she had finally finished, but she didn't know if Brax and Ricky would like it.
They gathered on the beach… the entire family and some of the locals. Brax had dressed Casey in a tiny suit, complete with tie and he looked adorable.
"Hello and welcome to Casey Braxton's naming day… as you all know I was lucky enough to be the doctor that delivered little Casey and just like his mum he was pretty impatient, and arrived a few weeks early. He's already a popular personality in the bay with no shortage of willing babysitters," Nate stated, "We're so happy to welcome this little guy into the world."
Kyle, Cheryl and Heath all gave their speeches, leaving Sydney to take her turn. Looking over at Kyle, she nodded and he retrieved his guitar, joining her at the front of the gathered crowd.
"There was so much that I wanted to say, but like a typical Braxton I couldn't find the words… so I decided on a song instead," Sydney informed everyone, nodding at Kyle once again and smiling as he started playing.
Singing her version of Pure by Lightning Seeds, Sydney smiled and glanced up at the clear blue sky above her head. It was true that Casey was gone and that was still hard for Sydney to accept, but she knew that he would always be with them.
