Title: Apathy (1/?): Prologue

Author: Eleret

Author E-mail: Eleret@aol.com 

Category: Angst/Romance/Drama

Keywords: Hermione Harry Draco Apathy Love Hate

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: PS/SS, CoS, PoA, GoF, OotP

Summary: Post-OotP! "He never smiles. He never laughs. He never frowns. He never does goddamn anything anymore. He's blank. He doesn't even look or feel like a person anymore. Just some sort of blank…nothing." Harry's apathetic. Hermione's determined. Draco's scared. Slash.

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Author's Note: Well, here it is. My first post-OotP work. This is sort of a tester-chapter, to see if anyone likes this. I know I haven't done anything for ages and I'm really sorry! But first it was writer's block and then it was OotP, which gave me a ton of plot bunnies but also meant I had to get rid of some old ones. I don't know what I'm doing about UM yet. I might finish it, but I'm warning those of you who have read so far that I probably won't. I'm really sorry, but I hate writing AUs and if I were to finish it it would have to be AU. I might, though, because I still really do like the plot. But don't get your hopes up. So, about this story. Well, in the past months I've been thinking a lot about Harry's characterization, post-OotP. And I really don't know what he'd be like. I do like the way Harry turned out in OotP, though. It's so much easier to make him all angsty and not-caring now. I always liked angsty, not-caring Harry, but before I thought it was sort of OC, and now I don't think so as much. Also, I love Determined!Hermione and…well, I love Draco any which way, as long as he isn't extremely OC without an explanation. And Ron might not be a very big character in this, I'll apologize for that. I love Ron, but I don't know what he's quite doing right now. He doesn't really strike me as the sensitive type, and while that's one of the things that endears him to me, he doesn't really fit in with the plot as he is. So, I looked at all the things I loved and I wanted to write a story that had my other favorite thing – Slash! Particularly of the angsty H/D variety. And this appeared. And that's about it. (This has got to be the biggest A/N I've ever written). Hope you enjoy and please tell me what you think! Also, if anyone wants to beta, I am looking for a beta-reader (yet again).

Prologue

Days go by I'm hypnotized
I'm walking on a wire
I close my eyes and fly out of my mind
Into the fire
Light the sky and hold on tight
The world is burning down
She's out there on her own and she's alright
Sunny came home
Sunny came home...

(Sunny Came Home by Shawn Colvin)

He doesn't care anymore, you see. That's the problem. He doesn't listen. He doesn't understand. He doesn't want to. He doesn't try. He isn't the same person he used to be. His eyes aren't really green anymore. They're more a sort of murky black with a little bit of green around the edges. They're scary, really.

He never smiles. He never laughs. He never frowns. He never does goddamn anything anymore. He's blank. He doesn't even look or feel like a person anymore. Just some sort of blank…nothing.

He walks around, he looks at everything, but he doesn't see any of it. Nothing registers in his brain. It all goes in one ear (or eye) and out the other. He goes through his homework and classes and he does okay, maybe better than before. But he can't play Quidditch any more. He can't feel enough to play Quidditch.

I'm not sure he even knows he isn't playing. I'm not sure he remembers. I don't think he cares. He doesn't talk anymore, not really. He nods, he agrees – sometimes he even disagrees. But he doesn't really say anything unless drawn into a conversation and spoken to first.

I touched him once; I hope I never have to again. He was so cold. It was like he wasn't even alive. He felt exactly like how I always thought a Vampire might feel. Only he's not one, because he still eats garlic and goes out in the sunlight and has a reflection (though for how long, I'm not sure, the way he's been). His skin didn't feel real, either. It felt sort of plastic and thick and impenetrable.

I don't know what happened. He seemed sort of okay when he left for the Dursleys. Well, more okay than he had been, anyway. He wrote everyone over the summer and he seemed fine, but then he came back and he…well…he was like this.

I don't think he knows what's wrong with him. I don't think he knows anything's wrong with him. But I do think that he left a lot of himself behind the veil with Sirius. And I think that maybe he won't know he's left it until it's back again. I think maybe he thinks that he's fine, that he doesn't notice what he isn't doing and that he doesn't really want to. I think this is his way to cope with loosing the first parent that he ever really knew. I think it's his way of pretending everything is normal. I think he's scared to have any emotions towards anyone anymore – he's afraid of being hurt like that again.

I've asked Ron what we should do. He doesn't know, of course. He just told me I'd figure it out. "You always do, Hermione," my foot. He's just not willing to try to fix the inner reaches of Harry's mind. He's afraid he'll find something too scary, too hard to deal with. Stupid Ron.

Really, though, I do understand. Ron's just very uneasy about Harry's state and he's unnerved by anything to do with it. I can't really blame him.

Harry reminds me of a much less emotional Cho, more than anything; confused and dealing badly and messed up. Of course, there's much less crying and random kissing of people. And much less yelling. But I get the same sort of feeling off of him as I did off her; sort of like a bomb about to explode. Only Harry feels much more dangerous.

I've tried to find other people to help, too, of course.

I've tried Ginny, but she was a complete disaster. She apparently just doesn't want anything to do with Harry. I think he's scaring her. I think he reminds her of Tom, especially the way he changed like that. She burst into tears and wouldn't talk about it. I hate when people do that, really I do!

So then I asked Snape, because he's been doing Occlumency with Harry quite regularly. But he just said that he saw "no reason to change Mr. Potter's personality as it so much more agreeable than his previous one" and why was it any of his concern anyway. I hate him, too. I mean, I know that he's not evil or anything, but he's so damn stubborn and apathetic.

I even tried Luna Lovegood, of all people. She nodded and said that she did see Harry was in pain, but that she thought he should work through it on his own. Maybe she's right, but I wouldn't count on it because look at all the other stuff she says. And then she started talking about her summer vacation…which I need not mention.

So I have no one else to go to. I'm sure Dumbledore would've done something already if he was going to, so there's no use going to him. And I'm sure that the Order would love to step in but that Dumbledore's stopping them. So I really don't know what to do. I have no idea how to make Harry feel again. But I will find one – if it takes me ten thousand centuries, I will find one. And it will work. You'd better believe it.

Author's Note2: Well, I just wanted to say again that I hope you enjoyed it. Also, I huge round of applause and kisses and hugs to all of my lovely reviews. If you've reviewed something I've written then you've made one of my days a little brighter. I'll try to give individual thanks sometime, but I don't have the time at the moment. And one more thing, I apologize for the short length. However, I intend for Chapter One to be longer and more detailed. Also, I intend to switch around POVs, so the next chapter probably won't be Hermione again, although I'm note sure. And that's really all I have to say.