The Problems with Halo 2

Disclaimer: I am using these characters for my own desires.

Intro Reborn

The old broken remains of halo, half burnt off by the epic detonation of the Pillar of Autumns fusion engines, threw wreckage from its carcass onto the surrounding planets and moons. A Covenant ship, its unique tear drop design, glided past the wreckage in purple gilded glory before joining

Covenant Holy City, High Charity

Ninth Age of Reclamation

"They called it the 'Pillar of Autumn." The Elite's voice was not rough from battle or fear inspiring. It was of great nobility built up from a lifetime of victory and one defeat.

"Why was it not destroyed with the others." Mercy, was an old prophet set in his ways, his voice lacked nobility and had the hint of senility.

"It fled as we set fire to their planet. And I followed with all the ships at my command."

Regret, a prophet hierarch, was the exact opposite of the Elite on trial. His voice was tainted by a lifetime's worth of spewing philosophical dogma and untold luxury. Pampered beyond his ability to appreciate it, Regret was no warrior. But he held political power; his fury at the destruction of one of the sacred rings was unrestrained.

"Tell me, when you first saw Halo were you blinded by its majesty?"

The council gave a short murmur of distaste. Various council members both Elite and Prophet talked amongst themselves. Tartarus stood silently with his Brutes; he held little power here except as a spectator.

"Blinded?" The Elite questioned.

"Paralyzed? Dumbstruck?" Regret said a hint sarcasm rolling off his tongue.

The Elite did not answer for a great deal and stood tall pondering Regret's question. He then looked directly at Regret who only stared back insolently. After a moment to think of a correct answer, the Elite looked around back at the council and then faced Regret once more.

"Well, it was pretty shiny."

"Yet you allowed…" Regret looked a bit dumbstruck himself. "What?"

"You asked me if I was blinded. The sacred ring is quite shiny. I was a bit blinded when we first approached the ring."

"What are you talking about?"

Truth, the secretive, calculating prophet, immediately cut off Regret with a quick wave of his hand.

"I have to agree, Regret. Halo was quite shiny."

"That is not the point! The magnificence of Halo has little to do with this trial!"

"But noble hierarchs, truly you see the majesty of the holy relic has a great deal of importance."

The council began to cry out amongst itself lifting a cacophony of voices.

2 Hours later.

"Then do we all agree, that because Halo is of great beauty its sheen was capable of blinding any creature for a brief moment but not long enough to alter any decisions made during the atrocity."

The council murmured its approval to Truth.

"Ah good then we may get to other matters at hand." Truth turned back to the Elite who then shook himself out of a minor coma. "You were right to focus your attention on the flood."

"Nay! It was heresy!" yelled one prophet.

Truth ignored him.

"But you were unable to accommodate for the Grunt's BBQ Festival and the Hunters were looking quite forward to the ping pong tournament."

"That is understandable, given the nature of this parasite." Mercy was kind. "However, I would think you would have at least started the Grunt's Festival. Yet there were no orders for the delicious marinating sauces!"

"Nay! It was heresy!" yelled that same prophet.

Truth looked directly at the idiot screaming in the back, annoyed.

"There was no time, the Flood had begun to repair one of our damaged cruisers… and when I found out about the Demon's intentions… it was too late."

"Nay! It was heresy!" The prophet took this moment to pump his arms dramatically in the air.

Truth's eyes twitched for but a second.

"This demon," Truth began. "This Master Chief… perhaps the human forces had brought their own recipes, you could have done well with that even if it was inferior to ours."

"Prophets, surely you understand once the flood was released, there was no time for festivals."

"Fool! There is always time for a BBQ." Regret clenched his fist as his voice rose in anger.

"Nay! It was heresy!" yelled the prophet again.

"YOU IN THE BACK!" Truth yelled. "IF YOU WANT TO ENTER THE GREAT JOURNEY WITH YOUR MOUTH ATTACHED, YOU WILL SHUT UP! BE SILENT!"

The council was filled with complete silence. Truth turned back to questioning the gold Elite.

"Then there is the matter of the humans infiltrating the Truth and Reconciliation! What were your forces doing!"

"I believe some of the Elites had challenged the Hunters to a rousing game of croquet. The humans, being the infidels they were, attacked us during our break hours."

"What about the Grunts?" Regret fumed.

"Pie Eating Contest." The Elite countered.

"Jackals?"

"Drinking and disturbing sexual activities."

"Drones?"

"We'll they're new, so they were the designated drivers for the ship."

"Brutes!"

"Bad case of diarrhea."

"What?" Tartarus cried. "We were not a part of this little debacle and neither were the drones!"

"Well then, Tartarus, how do you explain the massive methane concentrations in the air?"

The council took this time to move quite a bit away from the oversized gorilla.

"Enough! Tartarus'… problems… are not the concern of this council. But this Elite has failed miserably. This fallacy to protect Halo was a colossal failure of untold…" Truth paused searching for the right word. "… failure."

Tartarus, brute chieftan, mountain of muscle, chuckled to himself. One elite down.

"I will continue my campaign against the humans!"

Truth silenced the council ushering his verdict.

"No you will not. Your failure to protect Halo shall weigh upon you. And when our Great Journey begins, you will have to cater for the entire going away party. The party will take place from 9:00 pm until whenever we are finished. Oh and tell Degonee to bring his fried chicken recipe, I hear it is quite good."

The Elite walked out shamed from the council.

"Now onto the next matter of business. With our victory at Reach, we as the hierarchs have chosen our new theme song for the continuing campaign. As of this moment, 'Let's Get this Party Started in Here' shall be, for evermore, replaced by 'Who Let the Dog's Out.' To those who agree with this say aye."

"Nay! It was heresy!"

Truth promptly got out of his seat, walked up to where the idiot sat, and began to beat the living hell out of him.

Author's Notes: Slightly Revised. These is not a complete story. Each chapter posted here will be individual oneshots and are not meant as a continuing story.