Summary: Sirius' pathetic attempts at parodies. Needless to say, he's not very good…
Disclaimer: Gee Officer Krupke, NOT MINE!!!!! Marauders…Not mine! Anything related to Harry Potter that's not completely spoofed, guess what? ITS NOT MINE!!! Whadda ya know?
James looked around the room, Peter talking to the rats in the corner, Lily talking to Remus on educated topics, 3 girls in the corner sniggering, Sirius working diligently on… Wait, SIRIUS WORKING????
Something was wrong.
He walked up.
"Sirius, what are you doing?"
"Oh hey James! I am going to go into the singing career, by being the wizards equivilant of Weird Al Yancowitz(A/N if I spelled it wrong sorry) Wanna help?"
Meanwhile, James was backing away. "No thanks Padfoot"
"Suit yourself."
He resumed thinking. What was a song. Hmmm. Well, he had seen West Side Story on Broadway with James when they had gone on their trip to NYC.
He had especially liked "Gee, Officer Krupke"
A devilish smile spread across his face and began to write.
James, meanwhile was talking to Lily and Remus.
"Sirius has finally lost it, he's going to become a spoof singer"
Lily runs upstairs and hides, now extremely paranoid.
Remus: "I'm with her"
James "Me too"
They also run upstairs and hide under Lily's bed, veeryy paranoid.
Gee, Professor Dippet
By Sirius Black
Dear
kindly Professor Dippet,
You
gotta understand,
It's
just our lack of morals
That
gets us out of hand.
Our
mothers didn't teach us,
Our
fathers didn't care.
Golly,
natcherly we're troublemakers!
Gee,
Professor Dippet, we're very upset;
We
never had the sense that ev'ry child should get.
We
ain't no delinquents,
We're
misunderstood.
Deep
down inside us there is good!
There is good!
There
is good, there is good,
There
is untapped good!
Like
inside, the worst of us is good!
James: (Spoken) That's a touchin' good story.
Sirius (Spoken) Lemme tell it to the world!
James: Just tell it to the judge.
Peter
Dear
kindly Professor, your Honor,
My
tricks treat me rough.
With
all their effects,
They
give me a problem.
The
prank somehow backfired,
So
now I'm addicted, I know it's sad.
Leapin'
lizards! That's why I'm so bad!
Remus: (As Judge) Right!
Professor
Dippet, you're really a square;
This
boy don't need a judge, he needs an analyst's care!
It's
just his neurosis that oughta be curbed.
He's
psychologic'ly disturbed!
Sirius
I'm
disturbed!
Marauders
We're
disturbed, we're disturbed,
We're
the most disturbed,
Like
we're psychologic'ly disturbed.
Remus: (Spoken, as Judge) In the opinion on this court, this child is depraved on account he ain't got any brains.
Sirius (Spoken) Hey, I'm depraved on account I'm deprived.
James: So take him to a headshrinker.
Sirius
(Sings)
My
tricks are genius,
My
pranks are brilliant.
My
grandpa's always praising,
My
grandma thinks he's weird.
My
best friend wears a acts real stupid,
I
like him even less!
Goodness
gracious, that's why I'm a mess!
Peter:
(As Psychiatrist) Yes!
Professor
Dippet, you're really a slob.
This
boy don't need a doctor, just a good honest job.
He's
played himself a terrible trick,
And
sociologic'ly he's sick!
Sirius
I
am sick!
ALL
We
are sick, we are sick,
We
are sick, sick, sick,
Like
we're sociologically sick!
Peter: In my opinion, this child don't need to have his head shrunk at all. Pranking is purely a stupidity disease!
Sirius: Hey, I got a stupid disease!
Peter So take him to a Caretaker!
Sirius
Dear
kindly caretaker,
They
say go and bug off.
Leave
them alone,
Which
means like be a good little child...
It's
not I'm anti-social,
I'm
only anti-work.
Gloryosky!
That's why I'm a jerk!
James:
(As Female Social Worker)
Eek!
Professor
Dippet, you've done it again.
This
boy needs something, a year in the pen.
It
ain't just a question of misunderstood;
Deep
down inside him, he's no good!
Sirius
I'm
no good!
ALL
We're
no good, we're no good!
We're
no earthly good,
Like
the best of us is no damn good!
Remus
(As Judge)
The
trouble is he's crazy.
James
(As Psychiatrist)
The
trouble is he stinks.
Peter
(As Female Social Worker)
The
trouble is he's lazy.
Remus
The
trouble is he thinks.
James
The
trouble is he's growing.
Peter
The
trouble is he's grown.
ALL
Dippet,
we got pranks of our own!
Gee,
Professor Dippet,
We're
down on our knees,
'Cause
no one wants a fellow with a social disease.
Gee,
Professor Dippet,
What
are we to do?
Gee,
Professor Dippet,
We'll
just prank you!
Sirius is now singing this song so loud they can hear it in the dorms.
James: Why the hell does he have to sing so loud?
Lily: I don't know I kind of like it.
James and Remus: o0
Lily now laughing:well it does kind of describe you guys….
Author is by now in tears at the horribleness, so she wants people to come tell her how bad it is by clicking that little button…
