Helping Gus's parents clean out his room was the least I could do. It had been five months since his passing; five months of grieving and waking up at night, haunted by his face in my dreams and how I wish I could have done more for him. Five months of visiting his grave and then falling to the ground, weeping. I wish I could say I've run out of tears; I haven't. And I probably never will.
I can see the grief on his parent's faces as they sort through his stuff. It must be painful. I know it is for me, so painful that I tire faster than normal and am forced to take a seat on the edge of the unmade bed after just five minutes.
"You really didn't have to do this, Hazel," Gus's dad told me, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder.
"No, I'm alright. I, I want to help," I said, wheeling my oxygen tank back and forth.
"Okay," He said with a sigh. I got up and began unmaking the bed; taking off the sheets and whatnot. A piece of paper fluttered to the floor by my feet from under the mattress. In Augustus's sloppy handwriting read: Hazel Grace
A gasp escaped my mouth. Or maybe a sigh. Or maybe a mix of both. I slowly picked it up off the floor, fumbling to open it, then stopping. These are Augustus's last words to me; after I opened it, after I read it, there will be nothing left for him the tell me.
I hesitated, then opened it anyway. Skimming over it, I saw that it wasn't a very lengthy letter, that it was short. I found the first line and began reading:
Dearest Hazel Grace,
I am in love with you. Remember when I told you that on the plane? Well, it's true. I love you, Hazel Grace. And I don't have much time left to tell you that as much as I wish I could.
There are so many things that I wish we had more time to do; to eat more tomato and cheese sandwiches no matter how dry the bread is, to go enjoy more walks in Amsterdam, to feel your lips against mine just a few more times.
Life really sucks, right, Hazel? I mean, did it just decide one day that it hated us so much it would just throw cancer right at us? To just take our lives? Well, Hazel Grace, now you have a fifteenth person to add to your list.
Whatever you do, don't let life take away what's most special to you, don't let it take away your happiness, Hazel.
So I need you to know that I love you and that it is a good life, Hazel Grace. Okay?
Yours for however long I'm still alive and then-some,
-Augustus Waters
I let the paper fall from my light grasp and, stifling a sob, whispered "Okay."
