Set anytime after Season Three, preferably around/after Season Five.
Raven clapped her book shut and turned to face the greenest member of the team. He was waving a plate of something white and lumpy under her nose. Normally she would have held out about ten more seconds before reacting, but the smell alone warranted her full attention, even if her vision hadn't been blocked by the plate.
"Do you have a problem?" She asked in a voice as flat as the linoleum counter.
Beast Boy was caught off guard by her sudden change of tactics--he had been expecting another ten seconds or so before she switched from Stoic Indifference to Biting Cynicism mode. He drew the plate back and swallowed, ready to rep--
"Of course you do." She answered her own question before his mouth was even halfway open. "Many problems on many levels. But the worst seems to be your hearing. How many times do I have say this, Beast Boy?"
His eyes sparkled with an undoubtedly corny retort, but before he could quite formulate it into English she cut him off.
"That was a rhetorical question." She dropped off the stool and stopped in a float about two inches above the floor. "I am going to put this as simply as I possibly can, Beast Boy," She called over a shoulder. She was already fading into the shadows of the hallway. "I don't eat fake food."
End of discussion, she thought smugly to herself. If she read fast, maybe, just maybe, she could find out about the Twilii before a criminal triggered their alarm--
"Please, friend Beast Boy, this 'glomping', it is some kind of attack, yes?"
Raven paused at the threshold of the hallway. She started to rifle through her memories, picking out bits and pieces of reality that had drifted through the story she was reading.
Beast Boy had made the mistake of saying "glomp" in a sentence describing Starfire's brand of hugs, which happened to be a very "not nice" word on Tameran. Luckily Starfire had given the prankster the benefit of the doubt and allowed him to explain the Earth meaning for the word. So Beast Boy had tried to define "to glomp", pausing only to offer Raven the chance to eat something other than herbal tea.
"No, Star, it's not--well, I guess it kind of, umm..." Silence. For a full five seconds.
NOT GOOD. All of Raven's senses screamed at her. HE'S ATTEMPTING TO THINK. RUN.
"Here, I'll just show you what it is. Think fast, Rae!"
Raven turned around in time to see the shapeshifter body slam into her at full force and squeeze her in a death grip. They both went flying, but, luckily for Beast Boy, he managed to keep them from falling on the ground. He had his arms wrapped around her in a tight bear hug, a bear hug that would have made even Starfire wince.
To top it all off, he yelled "GLOMP!" in her ear.
The empath must have thought "bear hug" a little too loudly, because that was exactly what he morphed into, lifting her a good three feet off the ground and nearly cracking her ribs in a tight squeeze.
She knew her face was the color of strawberries and that she was powerless to hide it. Her hood was pinned between her back and the bear's fur. One thought kept her focused, one thought kept the kitchen from imploding: I am going to get him for this. Somehow.
And then he morphed back into Beast Boy and dropped her back to the floor.
"That, Starfire." Beast Boy said cheerfully. "Is 'glomping someone'." His response was a barely stifled giggle from the alien princess.
"So, it is a... 'hug of bear'?"
"Exactly, except manga style." The shapeshifter responded. "Umm, dude, you okay?"
Robin was an interesting shade of purple. He appeared to be choking on his own laughter. Cyborg was faring no better.
I will get them all.
"So, Rae--"
"Beast Boy, how many times do I have to say it?!" She snarled, whirling on the shapeshifter. The cheeky grin vanished instantly. "I know making me suffer is one of the greatest joys you can get out of life, but keep it up and you won't have a life left to live. Do you understand?"
He opened his mouth, but Raven silenced him. Again.
"Of course you don't understand. I used a word longer than two syllables in that sentence. I am going to say this in the simplest of words possible. Leave." She said, her voice completely even, almost a hiss. "Me." She took a step towards the boy. "Alone." She finished, in a voice so quiet that it was barely audible. "Got it?"
She gave him her trademark if-looks-could-kill glare and dared him to reply.
Normally, her Snake Woman voice would frighten him into submission, but something that vaguely resembled an idea must have sparked across his brain at that instant. Because, instead of backing up and making some remark about her inherent creepiness, his green eyes sparkled like Christmas lights and his mouth peeled back into a wide grin.
"NEVER!!" He bellowed defiantly, his stupid pointed tooth baring itself in one of the most ridiculous smiles she had ever seen plastered on his face. "And that's not a threat, Rae!" He continued, his grin not even shrinking fractionally upon seeing her expression, "It's a promise!"
She buried him in the sofa cushions, her own way of saying that all was forgiven.
Raven sighed and sank into the dimness of her room. Mid-Morning meditation. She replayed the scene in her mind's eye, from the smelly tofu concoction that Beast Boy very well knew she would rather starve than consume, to the pillow war that erupted between the five Titans after Raven had buried the shapeshifter alive. At least that oversized couch comes in handy for something, she thought to herself.
Then her memory went back to his defiant, cocky threat: "NEVER!!"
Her mouth twitched upward into a--smirk. Yeah. That was it. It was definitely a sneer. Because, well, that was a joke, and if she was smiling at Beast Boy's joke--
Sneer. Definitely a sneer.
"And that's not a threat, Rae! It's a promise!"
Though there aren't many sneers I have to cover up with my hand, Raven admitted to herself as the smile spread slowly across her face.
Yup, that's it. Want to drop a review? You can just type in "42" if you can't think of anything to say, I'm kinda curious to see who read this far. :D
