Disclaimer:

I woke up on Christmas day, extremely excited to open my presents this year. I had hinted to my parents that I wanted a car, and I was anxious to see if they had gotten it for me. I ran into the living room and found just one small box under the tree with my name on it. My parents had silently entered the room behind me while I was searching the tree for some more presents. I picked up the small box and shook it. 'Hmm, there's something metal inside.' I thought

I opened the package and inside was a key…A CAR KEY! I squealed in delight and ran outside to the driveway to see my new car. In the driveway with a bow on it was a brand new, dark purple Honda Prius. Unlocking the door, I got inside and put the key in the ignition. The screen, which I assumed was the GPS system, lit up. The first words that popped up on the screen were "You do not own Naruto or any of its characters."

I put my head down and cried because I knew, deep down in my heart, that GPS systems do not lie.

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Chapter 1: The Stoma

"Be quiet!"

"Sumimasen," Fivenari rubbed the back of her head where Kwanzamaru had just flicked her, still laughing. "I can't help it."

Tmmnata sent the two of them a glare that made all of the bunnies within a two mile radius keel over dead. He looked around to make sure the owner wasn't watching them and nodded to Fivenari. She reached her hand out and grabbed the small orange book on the shelf.

"Uh, guys…" Chriskachi spoke for the first time since they had entered the bookstore. All eyes turned to him. "I think maybe we should leave money or something…I don't feel good about just not paying for the book."

Kwanzamaru raised her eyebrows at him. "Well sure, if you want…but we just really need to get this book; I've been trying to get it forever but I'm not allowed—"

"Can I help you?"

The four genin stiffened when they heard the voice and turned their heads slowly to look at the bookstore owner; Fivenari quickly removed her hand from the book. The lady standing at the end of the row of bookshelves was perhaps the largest woman that any of them had ever seen. She had short hair that looked as though it wasn't cut in any particular style and a huge red dot in the middle of her forehead. Her right arm was half the size of the other one and drawn up to her enormous chest as if it was broken. Kwanzamaru cringed when she noticed that the hand that belonged to said arm had chipped pink nail polish on it…that's just irresponsible. The woman reached up with her little hand and rubbed her mouth when her large trapezoid-shaped mustache tickled her upper lip.

Fivenari, Chriskachi and Tmmnata (not Kwanzamaru, though, she was still grossed out by the chipped nail polish) started to gag when they noticed that the woman holding a cone of ice cream with sprinkles. 'Sprinkles?' they all thought 'sprinkles are gross…'

The woman brought the ice cream cone up to the large hole in her throat and with a great big breath, sucked all the sprinkles in through the hole. "Can I help you?" she repeated in an annoyed tone.

Tmmnata was the first to snap out of his reverie. "Oh...uhh...no, we were just looking around, Honya-san." After a slight bow to Chewbacca, Tmmnata grabbed his three friends and dragged them out of the bookstore.

It took a few minutes for everyone to come back to their senses. Kwanzamaru was busy checking her purple and green nail polish to make sure it was absolutely un-chipped while Chriskachi and Fivenari rubbed their throats and patted their hair.

Tmmnata was pretty sure that he was going to have a nightmare that night consisting of sprinkles, Allah, and the chocolate mint under your pillow that you always get when you stay at hotels. His other three teammates stood up and looked around.

"Well, guys, I think we should all go home now. Anko-sensei said that we're gonna have a very important mission tomorrow so we should rest." Kwanzamaru said.

"Yes," Chriskachi agreed "But she always says that we have a 'very important mission' and like 90 percent of the time, we end up like picking flowers or doing something equally useless."

"I say we go back to my house and play a game!" Fivenari said, returning to her usually loud self. "Like Twister!"

"Eh…not in the mood. How about we play Pictionary?" Kwanzamaru suggested.

"Hm…" Fivenari considered the possibility. "Rock, paper scissors?"

"Sure."

"ROCK, PAPER SCISSORS, SHOOT!"

"Aha, dobe, I win!! Paper beats rock." Kwanzamaru stuck her tongue out at Fivenari.

"I'm sure that if I threw rocks at you, paper would not provide adequate protection."

"…"

"I'll beat you home and throw Pictionary out the window, ursuratonkachi!!" And with that Fivenari took off down the street.

"I DON'T THINK SO, DOBE!!" Kwanzamaru ran as fast as she could, yelling indecipherable curses at her ridiculous cousin.

Chriskachi and Tmmnata watched the two of them run down the street like idiots before Tmmnata turned to his brother. "We should probably follow them."

Chriskachi nodded and the two of them walked calmly down the street after their teammates, still hearing their faint shouting in the distance.

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Ten minutes later, Tmmnata and Chriskachi arrived at Fivenari's front door. They put their ears up to the door to hear what was going on inside. The two of them looked at each other in confusion when they heard Fivenari and Kwanzamaru simultaneously chanting some unintelligible phrase over and over again…

Tmmnata knocked softly on the door.

"COME IN!!" They both shouted from the other side of the door.

Tmmnata and Chriskachi opened the door and walked inside to find their two teammates standing in the living room with the furniture pushed up against the wall. They were holding large pillows that seemed to 'clink' like metal when they were moved.

Chriskachi was the first to say what was on Tmmnata's mind as well. "What's in those pillows?"

"Kunais and shurikens!!" They replied in unison.

"Well what are you two doing with them?"

Kwanzamaru and Fivenari looked at each other and smiled "ULTIMATE DEATH MARCH!!!" Evil grins slowly spread onto their faces and they turned to look at Tmmnata and Chriskachi. "PILLOW FIGHT!" and they took off running toward them.

Lucky for Tmmnata and Chriskachi, they were able to dodge the pillows. They ran down the hallway of the small apartment and into Fivenari's bedroom. Tmmnata, being the last one into the room, shut the door and locked it. Inside, the walls were a light purple color and had several pictures and posters hanging on the wall. Her bed was filled with stuffed animals of so many colors, it made their heads spin.

"Did you bring all of your weapons, Chriskachi-kun?" Tmmnata suddenly asked.

"Yeah, why?" Chriskachi unstrapped his weapons pack from his leg and held it out to his brother.

Tmmnata had an evil smirk on his face; not much different from the look Fivenari and Kwanzamaru had before they attacked. "I have an idea."

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"Come out, come out, wherever you are." Kwanzamaru cooed, sneaking down the dark hallway. "I know you two are back here somewhere."

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Meanwhile, in Fivenari's room, Chriskachi and Tmmnata were hiding underneath the bed, their pillows held firmly in their grip. "Okay," Chriskachi whispered "I think they know that we're in here. So when I say, we're going to sneak out of the room and surprise attack them."

Tmmnata nodded his head in response until he realized that his brother couldn't see him in the dark and instead settled for "Un."

The two of them crawled out from underneath the bed, careful to keep their shuriken/kunai-filled pillows as silent as possible. They walked up to the door and unlocked it. Tmmnata put his ear up to the door to see if he could find out where exactly in the apartment Kwanzamaru and Fivenari were waiting.

When they finally did open the door, they saw two shadows (which could only be Fivenari and Kwanzamaru) standing directly outside of the bedroom door. "WE FOUND YOU!!" They yelled!

And with that, The Ultimate Pillow Death March (even though there was little to no marching involved) began.

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A few hours later, Tmmnata and Chriskachi returned to their own house, completely worn out and with several cuts on their bodies. Chriskachi lay down on the couch with a sigh. "GAHH! WHAT WAS THE POINT OF ALL THAT!? IT DIDN'T MAKE BREAKFAST AT ALL!!"

"I'm going to bed after my shower!" Tmmnata called from the other room. Chriskachi just grunted in acknowledgement.

Tmmnata turned the water up as hot as it can go and stepped inside. He picked up his light pink loofah and smothered it with his favorite Apple Blossom body wash, singing the song that had been stuck in his head all day.

"OOH MR. TODD

I'M SO HAPPY

I COULD

EAT YOU UP I REALLY COULD

YOU KNOW WHAT I'D LIKE TO DO MR. TODD?

WHAT I DREAM

IF THE BUSINESS STAYS THIS GOOD..."

Fifteen minutes later, Tmmnata stepped out of the shower and put on his favorite Superman pajamas. He crawled into bed and drifted off to sleep within a matter of seconds…

xXx

Tmmnata looked around him in confusion. 'A hotel?' he thought. The look of the hotel was old, as if it had been built in the 1920's or perhaps even earlier. Tmmnata looked down at a piece of paper that had magically appeared in his hand and read:

Room 237

He began reading the numbers on the doors as he passed "231, 233, 235, oh here we are! 237." 'Weird, the door is already ajar' he thought. Before Tmmnata could push the door open to see what was inside, he was distracted by something in the hallway.

Standing at the other end were his two teammates, Fivenari and Kwanzamaru. They were wearing big, frilly, light purple dresses and looked like they had fallen straight out of the 1950's. They were holding hands and staring at Tmmnata with huge, red eyes.

"Kwanzamaru-chan? Fivenari-chan?"

"Come play with us, Teme." They said simultaneously in a voice that sounded much like the whispering of the wind.

Before Tmmnata had time to reply, he heard the creaking of the door to room 237 open and an old (and extremely naked) woman appeared. She gave him a wicked smile and ripped off her own arm.

"…"

The woman then held her arm like a bat and proceeded to beat Tmmnata with it.

xXx

"Asdkfja;dklfa!!!" Tmmnata woke up, sweat staining his favorite Superman matching T-shirt.

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That was the first chapter…

I think the only thing that can describe it is "Utterly ridiculous". Hope you liked it though.