The following series of humorous ficlets was written by yours truly and meant to be enjoyed for those looking for a laugh :). I am a huge fan of Tolkien and his books as well as Peter Jackson's amazing movies however I always like to mess around with my favorite characters a bit for my own amusement.

Many of these stemmed from prompts by my friend (another huge fan of Lord of the Rings) and others came straight out of my noggin. These stories aren't what I usually write so if you have any suggestions please review, or if you like them please review, or if you have nothing better to do for the subsequent 30 seconds after you read this please review :)

On to the formalities, as much as I would like to, I do not own Lord of the Rings or any of its characters. Anything in these stories that my have something to do with anyone else's story is purely coincidence and should be taken as such.

This first ficlet was inspired by a "what-if" scenario created by my friend Dia and I, enjoy!

"Just one piece Mr. Frodo," Sam pleaded. He had been asking his companion for the last few hours. His stomach grumbled in the meantime, but Frodo continued to nibble on the lembas bread, without any intention of sharing.

"No Sam!" Frodo yelled. His voice had taken on a squeaky quality since they had set off on their own. Maybe it was the mountain air, or maybe it was the anxiety brought on by the ring. Either way, Sam was not a fan. "I'm the ring bearer, I say when and if we share food!"

" , how am I supposed to keep up with you if I have not the strength to climb these hills? Or fight off an attacker?" Sam said, trying to reason with his friend.

Frodo simply laughed, "I don't think you would be able to fight off a field mouse, with or without bread!" he said through his rather girlish laughter.

Frodo's behavior made Sam think of Rosie Cotton and the way she couldn't control her laughter when she was told a good joke or story at the bar. Sam hadn't been able to make her laugh yet, perhaps talking to her would be a good start. Sam was brought back to the present when his stomach made a noise that sounded an awful lot like the Balrog in Moria.

"Please Frodo! I'll be naught but skin and bones by the time we reach the black gates, that is if I'm not dead," Sam said. He was starting to get very frustrated with Frodo, and was on the verge of tackling him to the ground to take his rightful slice of bread.

"Nope! As the leader I decide the rations," Frodo said, putting one hand on his hip while he brought his bread to his mouth with the other, ripping off a piece quite barbarically. He made absurd sounds as he chewed his food and was obnoxiously loud when he swallowed.

"If you're the leader, then I guess I'm just the follower, eh?" Sam said, quite distraught at this point.

"No," Frodo said, looking down on Sam, who had taken a seat on a nearby boulder, "You're the helper!" He had a stupid grin on his face that Sam wanted no more than to smack right off.

The blonde hobbit clenched his fist and gritted his teeth. This had gone too far. He stomach had been cramping from hunger for far too long. Frodo had some kind of "Ring Bearer" complex going on and he wanted no more of it.

Sam got up from his boulder, took Frodo by his collar and shoved him to the ground. Frodo's eyes grew wide and filled with surprise and fear. This was the last thing he expected to happen.

"Share the loaf!" Sam exclaimed. His voice boomed and echoed through the forest. The birds fell silent as his words hung in the air like smoke from Gandalf's pipe.

Frodo stayed quiet. Sam had never yelled like this before, at least not to him. He thought for a bit and came to the conclusion that it was more beneficial to feed the fat hobbit than try and force him to lose anymore weight. Frodo couldn't stand the fact that his only companion was the love child of poppy cakes and fatty meat, but he did make nice company.

Slowly, Frodo released his grip on his bread. "Fine, you may have your share of bread," he said calmly, "But next time, all you have to do is ask nicely."

Sam rolled his eyes and scoffed. He let go of Frodo's collar and snatched the bread from his hand. He walked quite a ways away from Frodo before finding a rock well suited to his rather large bottom. He sat down and held his hands around the smooth surface of the lembas. He gently stroked the edges with his fingers, "My precious."

The End!