Hey, this is my second fic to post here. As usual, R&R please. LOL I have the whole thing written out, but I will only post if I get good reviews. OK, I will post if I get reviews, good or bad! I will take what I can get!!

Disclaimers: Standard, not mine. I do not own JAG, DJE, CB, Bud, or Sturgis. I would love to own Harm though. *giggles*

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Mac was working in her office when there was a knock on her door. "Enter," she called, never looking up. Tiner entered and held her mail out to her. Glancing up, she thanked him and took it. Quickly she thumbed through it, one peice catching her eye. It was a letter, addressed to Colonel Sarah MacKenzie, USMC. The handwriting was all too

familiar, and she immediately stopped what she was doing to open and read it. She turned her back to the closed door, and the bullpen just past that. Pulling out the two pages, she began to read.

Ninja Girl,

I sit here, writing this to you because I can not say it to your face. I want to, but something stops me. I don't know what it is, but I want to figure it out. Maybe it is the fear. The fear to let go, to lose control. When I lose control, people get hurt, and some die. I don't want to hurt you, and it would kill me if you died because of me.

I fear I am losing you though. You always swore that I never would, but things have changed. Because I was unable to let go that night in Sydney Harbor, I almost lost you. I knew what you were asking from me, but you didn't understand what I was asking from you. And because of that, I almost lost you.

That night on the Admiral's porch, when we talked, I thought you had been happy. I thought that was what you wanted. And until that night, I was happy you were happy. Then, things happened. I lost control again. I hurt Skates, and I almost died. And, you were hurt then too. All I could think that night while in the ocean was about you. You were the only one keeping me alive, again. I have lost count of how many times you and I have saved each other. It is because of you that I am alive. I thought, after that, we were finally going to lay it all out and end the dance. But once again, fate played a cruel trick on us.

Slowly and painstakingly, we have rebuilt and repaired our friendship. We got back to where we use to be, and still, I wanted more.

You accused me of only having feelings for you when you have one foot out the door. That is not true. After everything that has happened, I didn't want to risk moving too fast and losing you. I was giving you time and room, which now I see you didn't need.

You said things between us will never work because we both want to be on top, physically and emotionally. But, that is not true either. I just want to be with you. I don't care where or how, as long as you are there.

God knows we've both made mistakes, both small and large ones. And we have hurt one another. I am tired of hurting you. We have been through so much more than anyone else I know. And no matter what, we stood by one another. From 'crossing the line' to 'playing Gypsies' in Russia, lost in the deserts of Afghanistan to following me Checnya, you never left my side. No matter the danger to yourself.

You cried with me when I told my dad goodbye that final time, and you rejoiced with me when we discovered my half-brother. I will never stop being grateful to you for that. And, I am not sure if you will ever know how much that meant to me.

I will continue to stand by you, no matter what. I will always be here if you need me, never doubt that. But, something has to give, things can not stay the way they are.

No matter what, I will still love you. I have been amazed by you since that first time we met at the Rose Garden. Your determination, your strength, and your courage all amaze me. You have overcome unbelievable odds, and conquered a painful past. Everything in your past has only strengthened you. I am so proud of what you have become dispite

everything. I thank the heaven's above for even knowing you. You have been an inspiration to me, to everyone who knows you. You make us want to be better.

Now, we are at a crossroads. I can't be just your friend anymore. Either I need to be more than a friend, or else I need to move on. I don't want to move on, but the choice is yours, and yours alone.

I will wait for your response. You have one week. If by zero hundred Monday, I have not heard from you, I will assume you want this to end, and I will leave you alone. Goodbye Sarah.

Flyboy

Mac wiped the tears back from her eyes before turning and grabbing her purse out from her desk drawer. Rushing from her office, she barely mananged to grab her cover before running to the stairs, not wanting to waste time with the elevator. She needed to think, and she could not do that at JAG. She jumped in her car and slammed it into gear as she

peeled out of the driveway.