A small little one shot/drabble for SaiXem day. ^^ I don't own Kingdom Hearts, reviews are loved.
Xemnas knew that Saix knew he was there. He knew that his Luna Diviner was perfectly aware that he was standing behind, watching the moon, watching its brilliant, radiating light, wishing desperately he could be like that great orb, calm and soothing. Xemnas knew the tortured feelings Saix had about how he was unable to control his anger, unable to be like that element that controlled his life. He knew how Saix constantly questioned why he became angered when drawing upon the moon's power, constantly questioned why he lost control when being a part of something he loved more than life itself. He knew that Saix knew he was there, watching him torture himself and wishing he could say something to help.
But there were no words to help the man reach his answers; Xemnas hated to admit he didn't have them. For everything else anyone could possibly ask, he had an answer. But for the one he cared for the most, for the one question that mattered the most to that one person...he had no answer. He did not know why Saix's beautiful element had such an ill affect upon him and he almost felt as if it were a piece of knowledge that they were not supposed to know.
So instead of giving him an answer, instead of giving him something to cling to as a reason, he gave him what he could. They both knew Xemnas could come up with a pretty lie, covered in scientific sounding facts and reasoning but they also both knew that it wouldn't be the same. They would both know it was a lie and for that, Saix could never forgive him, deep down. On the surface, he could fake through it all and pretend that yes, that was the reason for the pain his element caused him. But deep down...deep down he would know it was just a lie and that Xemnas wanted him to stop aching with his false heart. And he wouldn't be able to forgive him for that.
Saix knew that Xemnas was behind him. He knew that his Superior was aware of his pain and anguish as he watched the moon, watching its perfect and delicate light radiate from its surface, wishing desperately that he could understand why he was lef to be tortured so. Saix knew that Xemnas knew of his feelings, fake though they were, his feelings about his inability to control his anger when he gave into his element. He knew that Xemnas wished he could make the pain go away.
The only way they could though, the only way they could possibly stay the pain, for even a little while, was to make Saix forget, make him forget his tortured pain and make him feel as though he meant something, that despite his flaws he meant something to his Superior. As the strong man wrapped a firm arm around Saix's waist, held him close, and kissed his neck, Saix felt, just for a moment, that he was important, that he wasn't a puppet for his element to use.
Xemnas would never use him, would never abuse him, would never hurt him. Xemnas was a better master than the moon could be. The moon would always be a cold and heartless thing, taking the light from the sun and relfecting it to their world, but never doing anything in return for the sun and never doing anything good for the light it shed upon the world when it was supposed to be darkness.
Xemnas was a much better master.
