I stepped outside onto my porch to breathe in the dewy air. Today the forecast called for a rainy day that would continue for 2 more days before sunny skies would return. Taking time to close and lock my door, I took my first step into the rain. The satisfying splash sounded like heaven to my ears, taking me back to a time when things weren't so complicated. But now it was different. The rain reminded me of one man, a man that broke my heart in two when he denied my feelings, then walked away without even looking back. My happiness faltered a little upon the memory. It was a rainy day like this one. Mark and I were spending the day together.
Flashback…
"What did she say when you called her and told her that you were going to move out?"
"She had a shit-fit. Talking about suing me for putting her out without a 30 days notice. I had to tell her that I owned the house and I could put her ass out if I wanted to." I held my side laughing my ass off. Mark's ex-girlfriend decided that after 3 months of living together, she wanted to get married. It was sad because everyone knew that she was a whore and a gold-digger. Luckily, he wised up before it was too late. It's too bad that he had to find out that she was a whore the hard way.
"I wish that I could find someone that is just for me. Not a broad that is trying to get me to marry her so she can get in my pockets." He sighed sadly as he sipped on his beer. I did the same, only I was in deep thought as I did so. I had been hiding my true feelings for him for 3 years, but I never had the guts to tell due to my fear of rejection and ridicule. Everytime I had to help him though a breakup, I would secretly wish that he would ask me to be his girlfriend. Sadly he never did. But today I was going to take matters into my own hands.
"Hey Mark, can I ask you something kind of personal and just tell me your feelings on it."
"Sure sweetheart. What's up?"
I took a deep breath to gather my thoughts.
"Mark, I like you. But not in the way of a best friend."
I glanced up to see his reaction. The look on his face was unreadable, so I continued.
"And I was wondering if you…like me more than a friend…like I feel for you?"
Once again, I watched him stroke his goatee in thought and concentration. I felt my anxiety rise as I anticipated his answer. Finally, he let out a heavy sigh.
"Mo, I don't know how to tell you this without sounding like a complete bastard. I'd prefer if we stayed friends." Just that quick my heart felt like it had been sliced open. I felt like a fool. Here I was thinking that Mark was the only one for me and the guy didn't even want me. He must have noticed the change in my demeanor. I felt his arm around my shoulder pulling me closer to him for a hug. Even though I had suffered probably the worst rejection by a man in my life, I wasn't going to let that minor mishap prevent me from enjoying the warmth of his hug. Suddenly, he shrugged me off.
"I'm….I'm sorry. I have to go." Without so much as a goodbye, he got in his truck and drove off.
End Flashback
Ever since then, I had to force myself to pretend as though I had forgotten about wanting to be his girlfriend. Which made me it all the more tougher when he came around. Shit, it didn't matter. Wasn't any use in moping about it. Might as well get on with my life and enjoy days like these. I felt a rain drop fall on my skin. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the cool sensation it left behind. Suddenly I opened my eyes to the sound of a familiar engine rumble. No, no. it couldn't be. My fears were confirmed when Mark's large frame exited his F-150 truck. He was rocking a different look. He had on a pair of blue jeans, leather jacket and a dark blue bandana.
"Well sweetheart, aren't you happy to see me?" I was shocked. Yeah I was happy to see him, but usually he would call me if he wanted to come over. He must have something important to talk about if he just showed up at my house.
"Yes. You know I'm always happy to see you." he walked closer to me and I could see that he was a little bit jittery.
"Are you okay? You seem a little nervous." He held his head down and stuck his hands in his pockets. "I was wondering if we could go inside. I kinda have something that I have to tell you." It's something I have been holding in for a good while."
I looked at him oddly for a moment before I gave the okay. Walking into the house, my mission was to grab two beers from the kitchen. I decided to make something simple to eat while I was in there so I decided on a fruit platter. As I pulled out the ingredients, I yelled out to him.
"So what do you want to tell me? You're not coming out of the closet, are you?" I laughed to myself, not hearing Mark walk in the kitchen after I made the comment. After 15 minutes, I completed the meal and had turned around with the platter in hand, only to run into Mark's torso.
"Damn it Mark! You scared me! Why the hell didn't you tell me that you were behind me?"
Mark didn't say anything; he just stared down at me. I looked back at him but with confusion in my eyes. His eyes swirled with passion and…love? I didn't get my hopes up because I could be dreaming.
"Well you were talking when you came in the house, so why aren't you talking now?"
Instead of answering me, Mark wrapped my legs around his hips and kissed me with everything he had. I didn't know what had caused him to do this nor did I give a damn. I wrapped my hands around his head to pull him closer to me. I had waited too long for this moment.
"Your bedroom is in the back of the second floor, right?"
"No, I moved up to the third. It's the floor that has one room and 1 bedroom."
With haste, he carried me up the stairs to the bedroom. There, he laid me down and made love to me all night long with the exception of the fruit platter I had prepared earlier.
The Next Day…
We were lying in my Cal King Bed basking in the afterglow of our lovemaking session. To say he wore me out is an understatement.
"You know, you never told me what was so important that you had to talk to me."
He sighed as he repositioned me so we were spooning. I lean back into his chest so I can inhale his unique scent, leather and his natural man.
"Mo, I apologize for walking away from you when you admitted your feelings about me. It's just I didn't know how to handle it. Now before you react, I wanna get this out and in the open. It's no secret that or the past 3 years, we've had each other's back through every single relationship that we have been through. But about a year ago, I started getting feelings for you. At first I tried to deny it because who would want a brute like me? But I figured that I gotta at least try."
I put my finger on his lips to silence him.
"How do you think I felt after seeing girl after girl trample on your heart? Lord knows that I wanted to tell them to leave you alone. But I couldn't because I have no right. Plus I'm not your girlfriend so I don't have your heart in my hand."
He took my hand and placed it over his heart. "But you do and I hope one day that I can hold yours."
