Solitude du Coeur
( Loneliness of the Heart)
Chapter 1
Realizations
It was New Years Eve that I realised that I was truly lonely. So what I was juggling two boyfriends who didn't know about it. Or the fact that I know almost everyone at my school and I always seem to get along with most of them. Of the fact that I come from a loving family that is 'oh so close'. I didn't even notice that we were in 1976 until one hour after midnight. I mean I'm 16! I should have been with Jack or Alex (The boyfriends), at a party with my friends from Beaubaxtons, or even with my family playing wizarding monopoly. But instead I was reading a book. On History of Magic no less! No one even flooed me to wish me Happy New Year. No one owled me. My parents didn't even shout up to me.
I always thought that I had a fairytale life. I had long blonde hair that framed my angled face, pale skin accentuated my dark brown eyes, and I had a slim figure with curves in all the right places. But what happened that night made me re-evaluate my opinion of me. I never used to be the kind of girl who would work out to get toned, or the kind of girl who would eat nothing but salad until she looked like she was going to pass out from malnutrition.
I was never one to keep a diary either. But it seems that I have no one else to share my feeble existence with, so what better than a book, after all one saw me through the countdown to midnight. Besides, books are so much safer then people. I was beginning to realise that now. They couldn't hurt you. Infact they cheered me up when I was at my lowest. They gave me hope that things would get better. They made me realise that love did exist somewhere out there.
Speaking of love… I'm not a hopeless romantic but I like to me pampered once in a while. Every girl does. But as I'm sitting here, pouring out my heart and soul to you, I realised that even though I have two boyfriends, neither of them acknowledged my existence today. It made me feel used. I hadn't slept with them or anything, I'm not like that. Not anymore. But I felt so guilty, when I said yes to both of them, but I couldn't decide, they were both so different. Now I'm starting to think they deserved it.
I cried tonight. And I swore to myself that I, Caitlin Elizabeth Yaxtley, would never cry again.
After that day I became the Ice Queen of Beaubaxtons.
I cut off all ties with matters of the heart.
I stopped talking to my friends.
I immersed myself with books, learning all about curses and hexes and, of course, tragic love stories. (I find it so much more believable when there is no happy ending in site, and happier that I'm not the only one who is doomed).
I requested that I be transferred to Hogwarts after OWL's.
I also started to self harm.
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So, my first chapter eh? I know it's quite short but I didn't want to give to much away about her background as it plays a key role in the story! And I have to somehow make it unobvious.
Just to warn you all, this will have lemons once she gets settled into Hoggywarts! Although I'm not quite sure as to why they're called lemons :S Anyone??
Anyhowz, let me know what you think, although I haven't really given you much to go on lol!
And a little pointer, I won't be updating for about 2 weeks (I think) As I have A/Level exams in a week. Bugger, didn't realise it was that close… And I'm afraid I have a weekend job for both days so I don't really get much time between essays and Art coursework and normal work! But Fanfiction is my passion! Mainly reading it… But I just realised I have probably written more in this little A/N than I did in the chapter dX
