By: Mad Mary Kidd

Pairings: Cloud + Kadaj

Warnings: Shonen ai, kissing, unrequited het, angst

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy, or Advent Children or any of it's associated companies or anything. I don't make any money off this, I do it cos I'm a rabid fangirl and I lurrrve it.

Intro: After AC, but Kadaj releases Sephiroth's spirit from his body instead of dying at the end. And I know Kadaj's eyes are green, not grey, but I just fell in love with the phrase "storm grey eyes", and "storm green eyes" just isn't the same. Poetic licence?

Given The Chance, Part I

Kadaj awoke to the sound of muffled music, and many voices all chattering and laughing. He looked around, and down at himself - he was lying in a bed under a soft grey cover. Suddenly he was aware of a dull red pain in his right shoulder; he tried to move it but the pain flared up like an angry beast, so he lay still again, forced to be content with exploring as much as he could of his surroundings from where he lay.

There was a ceiling fan that turned slowly around and around noiselessly, or it seemed so; until the voices and the music died down he wouldn't be able to tell. There was a window in the wall to his right, and a slatted blind made lines of artificial light on the ceiling. Night time, then. Now that he had a small sense of time, albeit an arbitrary one, he began to wonder where he was. This led naturally to where he had been before this, and he was a little frightened to realise he couldn't remember. All at once he was fully awake, as if his consciousness had been waiting to ambush him. He tried not to panic, but began to search in his mind and memory for anything that might help him.

Kadaj, my name is Kadaj, he thought. That's something. My name is Kadaj, and my shoulder hurts.

Knowing that he wouldn't find out anything further until he explored a bit, he shifted the injured shoulder again, gingerly this time, to see if it would allow him to sit up. It did, but only under protest; and his whole arm seemed hot and heavy, somehow. The grey coverlet fell away from his bare chest, and he realised his right arm was in a cast. As he sat up, his weight shifted and the cast pulled suddenly on the shoulder, making him bite his lip and sweat with the agony. When his thoughts had cleared and he was able to move again, he cradled his arm carefully.

Dislocated shoulder and a broken arm. Doing well so far, I wonder what else got broken? What the hell happened to me, anyway?

A careful investigation revealed nothing major, a few aches and bruises but nothing worse. A visual inspection revealed a pair of loose, pale grey pants with a drawstring top, but no other clothing. He was fairly certain these did not belong to him, and he wondered briefly who had dressed him in them.

A light suddenly spilled in from the doorway, making him realise how dim it had been in the room where he lay, and the background noises moved up a notch. He dropped the coverlet back in place and looked up at the silhouette in the doorway.

"You're awake," said a woman's voice.

She shut the door, and as Kadaj's eyes readjusted to the gloom he could see her properly. She seemed familiar, but he couldn't remember why. She had long dark hair and a pretty face, and she wore a black zip up top and pants, and black and white sneakers. A pink ribbon circled her upper left arm. He blinked at her, unsure what to say.

"I half expected to come up here and find you gone," she said conversationally. "I've been checking on you from time to time, but the bar keeps me pretty busy. Not that I think for a minute you care about that."

Kadaj blinked at her words. They seemed harsh, but her tone was light and airy. She hadn't looked at him yet since she came in, and was busying herself lighting a little lamp. Finally she sat down in a chair near the bed.

"Cloud's going to want to talk to you, y'know," she said. "And you're lucky there because he's about the only one of us that doesn't want to kill you. God knows why."

So he was with enemies, then. Except for this Cloud. What had he done? Why did this woman and her friends want to kill him, and if this were true why had she bothered to look after him? This Cloud must hold considerable sway around here.

"Who are you?" He ventured at last. The woman snorted.

"If you think I'm going to fall for that, Kadaj, you've got another think coming," she said. "I'm not stupid, so don't treat me as if I am. Your well being rests with me, and you'd do well to remember that."

"Please," he tried again. This time the woman's face softened a little. Not much; now she looked doubtful instead of outright hostile.

"You really don't remember?"

Kadaj shook his head mutely, leaning forward a little and wincing anew at the pain in his arm. The woman stared at him for a long time, as if she were trying to detect the truth from his expression.

"What happened to me?" He whispered at last.

Tifa stared at the young man in her spare bed, his once cruel expression now entirely devoid of malice. He looked even younger, and utterly innocent; but she knew he was a master of manipulation and not to be trusted. He would be trying anything to get information out of her. But something was nagging at her to have pity on him, some sense that didn't rely on the physical for it's source. And besides, what would he gain from feigning amnesia? To be told things he already knew? Or was he hoping she would slip up and reveal something he wasn't supposed to know? If it was a ploy of some kind, it was a poor one. Having weighed up the possibilities, she decided to go along with it.

"My name is Tifa," began the woman slowly, her eyes never leaving Kadaj's. He supposed she was watching for a flicker of recognition, but there was nothing familiar about her name. "You should have died," she continued. "I don't know why you didn't. We brought you back here after your brothers shot Cloud and almost killed him. Cid said we should leave you for the crows, but I knew Cloud wouldn't have wanted that. If he'd died, though..." She didn't finish the sentence. She didn't need to.

"Anyway, he didn't die and neither did you. Your brothers, well. They didn't make it."

She offered no condolence, and Kadaj did not really expect any. Obviously he and his brothers had done some great wrong. He supposed he would be grieved when he remembered them, but for now they were faceless, formless, nameless representations in his mind. He nodded slowly.

"You... I guess it's a long story. There was a man once, who tried to destroy our world. His name was Sephiroth."

She was watching him again, but at the mention of the name Kadaj felt something white hot and wire thin shoot painfully through his mind. In a split second it was gone, but it left him breathless and gasping, hunched over the cast on his arm.

"Do you remember him?" asked Tifa, but she sounded far away now. Kadaj shook his head, which felt fuzzy. It was beginning to clear, though.

"Not... Not really," he managed. "I remember the name. Nothing more."

"Well, as I said, he tried to destroy our world. He was stopped, in the end. But you did everything you could to make him come back, and in so doing you hurt a lot of people. Most of them children. You were looking for Jenova's head, and you would have stopped at nothing to get it. You even summoned Bahamut."

"Bahamut?"

"Yes. You found Cloud's materia. Well, your brother did. You used it against us."

Kadaj's head felt too heavy all of a sudden. He tried to lay back down, but found he could hardly move. Tifa saw his struggle, and stood to help him, taking him by his good shoulder and easing him back down onto the pillows.

He was almost asleep, but there was one thing he had to know.

"Why didn't you let me die?" he asked, his eyes closed. There was a long silence, and just as he was beginning to think she'd gone away without hearing his question, Tifa answered it.

"Perhaps if the situations had been reversed you would have let Cloud die. But he's not like that. He shows mercy where you would have been merciless."

She extinguished the lamp and walked smartly toward the door. A brief light made Kadaj squeeze his eyes closed tighter, and the equally brief accompanying rise in the volume of the music and she was gone, leaving him to fall into an exhausted sleep.

It was after closing time when Cloud finally let himself into the bar.

Tifa had given him his own key, but he rarely used it. He said he didn't like the thought of being there without her; it made him feel like an intruder. He'd been coming to the bar a lot more these days, but usually before closing time and always to see Kadaj. Tifa wasn't sure whether to be grateful to the silver haired youth for being the cause of Cloud's more regular visits or jealous of him. Tonight she was behind the bar washing the last of the glasses and putting them away - she hated to have to do it the following morning - when Cloud entered noiselessly.

"Tifa."

She looked up and smiled. "Hi there."

"Been busy tonight?"

"Yeah. It's been a good night. How're you?"

Cloud nodded. "Good. I was up at the Golden Saucer today, delivering a package. I'd forgotten how bright and loud it is."

This made Tifa smile. "Yeah. We should go there sometime, take Marlene and Denzel. They'd love it." She watched as Cloud nodded and began pacing the bar slowly, looking at the floor.

"Is Kadaj awake?" he asked finally. Tifa's heart sank.

"He was. He's asleep now."

Cloud nodded again. "Better than unconscious. Did he say anything?"

"No. He can't remember anything about what happened. I started to explain but I got as far as Sephiroth and then he got really tired so I left him."

"You believe him? That he can't remember?"

"It would make sense. Besides, what could he gain from having what he already knows recited back to him?"

"I guess. You shouldn't trust him, though, Tifa."

"I don't."

There was a silence that stretched out for a long time. Tifa resumed polishing the glasses, though they didn't really need it now. She could feel Cloud watching her, but did not look up. At last he started pacing the floor of the bar again.

"I'm going to - "

"Go up and see Kadaj. I know."

"... Tifa..."

"Go on. He might have woken up again, you could talk to him yourself."

She would not look at him as he came behind the bar and walked slowly past her into the back room and up the stairs, but kept polishing the already sparkling glasses. She was glad she didn't have any tears to hide from him.

Cloud ascended the dark stairs slowly, feeling his way up with one hand on the banister. He knew that this was upsetting Tifa, and he'd considered moving Kadaj somewhere else; but there really wasn't anyone else who could care for him, and he was too sick to be moved.

He remembered bringing Kadaj up here himself, recalled climbing these stairs with the boy in his arms, marvelling at how light he seemed.

After he had awoken in the Church, and helped to heal the remaining sick of their Geostigma, Red XIII had drawn him aside into an adjoining room and shown him Kadaj's body.

"I don't know exactly what happened, but here's what we saw from the airship," Red had said in his low, gentle voice. "After you captured Sephiroth with your sword, and the boy fell to the roof, we saw something leave him as you held him. It was like black smoke. I think it was whatever was joining his spirit with that of Sephiroth. It looked a bit like the Lifestream, and we thought he must have died, but when we went to pick you up after his brothers shot you, Yuffie noticed he was still alive. His brothers are dead, rejoined the Lifestream after the explosion."

"He's alive?" asked Cloud. His eyes never left Kadaj's prone body the whole time Red was speaking.

"Yes. I don't know how long that will be true, and I'm not sure whether conventional medicine will help or hurt him. We knew you would want us to rescue him, so we did. Tifa says she will look after him at the Seventh Heaven until he awakes, so I think we should get him there quickly."

Cloud had nodded once and carefully scooped the other boy into his arms again, lifting him up with ease and carrying him from the Church through the slums to the bar.

Where he had been for almost two weeks now, unconscious and in Tifa's care. To her credit she was an excellent nurse to him, though she made no secret of the fact that she hated him. Barrett had also expressed reservations at the situation, given that Kadaj had taken Marlene hostage, but Cloud's status as unquestioned leader of the group quietened any real hostility. Marlene, for her part, had assisted enthusiastically in the day to day care of Kadaj's sleeping form, checking his temperature, breathing and pulse with a sure touch and efficiency that would have put many professionals to shame. She had helped bathe and dress his minor cuts and abrasions neatly and cleanly, leaving Tifa wondering whether her future career lay in nursing.

Cloud had overheard Tifa asking Marlene once, "But he tried to hurt you, and Denzel. Why do you want to help him get well? No-one would blame you if you didn't want to."

"I know," Marlene had replied. "But he didn't really know what he was doing. It was that Sephiroth man inside him making him do all those things. I don't hate him. I think Denzel might, though," added the little girl sadly.

It was true that Denzel seemed to dislike having Kadaj at the bar as much as Tifa did, and would not speak about him or acknowledge that he was there at all. It seemed as if he was only putting up with the young man's presence because he knew Cloud had requested it.

Now, as Cloud pushed open the door of the room where Kadaj lay, he saw that the silver haired boy was sitting up again, as Tifa had said, and was staring at the window. Cloud wondered why, because it was dark outside and the blinds covered the window.

"Kadaj?"

He turned to Cloud, his expression showing nothing.

"You're Cloud."

Cloud nodded.

"Tifa said you'd want to talk to me."

"I do."

With that, and at a nod of acquiescence from Kadaj, Cloud crossed the room and sat in the same chair Tifa had used earlier.

"Do you remember anything at all?"

Kadaj gave a little laugh. It had no humour in it.

"My name," he said. "And Tifa mentioned Sephiroth. I recognise that name, and I don't like it. I don't know what he did to me, but I know it wasn't good."

"You carried him in you, like a seed. And then that seed began to grow, and it overtook you. You caused his rebirth, and with it almost the end of the world. He used you, like a puppet."

Kadaj sat silently for a moment, presumably digesting this.

"So he was controlling me?"

"Yes. But if you think to escape responsibility, you can think again."

Kadaj's storm grey eyes flashed at him.

"You do remember then," said Cloud, unsurprised. Kadaj had been lying since he had come in, had obviously remembered the events prior to his sojourn at the bar after Tifa had left him.

"I do now. And make no mistake, Cloud, Sephiroth may have wished it but I wanted to do those things."

"I'm aware of that. No mere puppet could have acted with such joy as you did. You enjoyed what you did, and even right at the end, after Sephiroth was destroyed you still tried to kill me, even though you knew everything was lost. It was an act of revenge, or it would have been if you or your brothers had succeeded."

"Why didn't you kill me?" Hissed Kadaj, his eyes narrowed.

"Honestly? Because I didn't have time. Your brother shot me before I had a chance."

"Liar," said Kadaj. "You wouldn't have killed me even if Yazoo hadn't shot you."

Cloud stood suddenly. "You know, you're right. I hate you so much I let you live. Why don't you think about that?" With that he re-crossed the room and left, leaving Kadaj alone with his thoughts.

It made no sense! Why hadn't they killed him? Tifa had been right about that, if the situations had been reversed he certainly wouldn't have let Cloud live. It would have been far too dangerous. Kadaj hated loose ends, and he couldn't understand people who didn't seem to mind them. Weren't they afraid he'd try again?

To talk of mercy was ridiculous. It was a pathetic back door that only cowards who were afraid to kill made use of.

And yet... Cloud had killed Loz, and Yazoo. Had he more respect for them than for Kadaj? Did he think Kadaj a coward? Did he mean to teach him some kind of sanctimonious lesson? Kadaj suspected that this might be the case. Cloud most likely thought Kadaj might learn something from all this, and mend his wicked ways. Huh.

His mind clicking and whirring like a well oiled machine, Kadaj began to plan.

Cloud wasn't angry at Kadaj. He was saddened by the boy's refusal to believe that people did nice things for each other sometimes, even if the person in question didn't deserve it, and wouldn't be grateful for it. Perhaps if he stayed here for long enough he might come to understand it.

He reached the bottom of the stairs almost to bump into Tifa, who was on her way to bed.

"Was he awake?" she asked.

Cloud nodded. "And he remembers now." Tifa raised her eyebrows. "What's he like?"

"Ungrateful. Spiteful. Selfish."

"There's a surprise."

Cloud looked at her sharply. "Are you happy now that you've said 'I told you so'? I didn't do it because I thought he'd thank me. I did it because I knew he wouldn't."

With that he left the bar, not slamming the door behind him, but not troubling to close it quietly either. Tifa stood on the darkened steps and stared after him, the tears that had deserted her earlier starting now in her eyes.

The next morning Tifa came into Kadaj's room without knocking, and wordlessly crossed the room to set a tray on the table beside the bed. She turned then to the window and threw open the curtains, letting the sunlight fall right across his face, making him start and wake suddenly.

At his noise of feeble protest her jaw tightened.

"Your breakfast's on the tray. I'll leave the door open so you can call me if you want help with anything."

He watched her stalk from the room, a slow smile spreading across his face. Perfect. And he hadn't even had to try.

Over the course of the day Kadaj made sure he was as much of a nuisance to Tifa as he could muster. He called her in three times before lunch, only to tell her once she got there that it was okay, he could manage on his own now. Finally, exasperated, she decided he was well enough to be dressed and out of bed, and proceeded to throw the coverlet off him and forcibly dress him.

It was only after she'd made up her mind and begun to act that she realised that this would mean removing the pants. But, with the efficiency of a nurse she shut the door in case Marlene or Denzel should walk past, stripped Kadaj and began to dress him, fully aware that he was smirking at her the whole time and waiting for her to blush.

She did not. It annoyed him, so he opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off.

"You can't embarrass me Kadaj, so don't try. Remember that you're the one who's naked here, not me. Give me your foot."

Finally, fully dressed and a little sore (Tifa had not been particularly gentle, not that he had expected her to be) he sat on the edge of the bed, and prepared to stand.

When he did, he was amazed and more than a little shaken to find himself on the floor.

Tifa watched him stand and crumple, and reluctantly bent to help him up. Even she was surprised by his weakness, and it had obviously frightened him; she caught his expression before he could conceal it and he looked scared. Which meant it was genuine, she supposed, and not designed to irritate her. Well, that made a change. She helped him to the chair and sat him in it, leaving him to face the window. She opened the blinds so he could see out, and left him to it.

It was easier when he was unconscious, she thought uncharitably as she went back down the stairs.

Although it had left him shaken, his fall had told him something important. He would not be able to manage on his own, perhaps for some time; this meant he had more time for the next part of his plan. This was all to the good, as it was not something he could afford to rush. He waited.