One day a fat balding man named Homer Simpson walked up his sidewalk to greet is wife, Marge. He had just gotten home from work at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. He looked a little down so Marge asked how he was.

"Homer, what's wrong?" He looked up at her, "I just got fired for blowing up the plant." Marge looked at him, "That's okay Homer, you can get a new job." "No I can't, Mr. Burns told Mayor Quimby about it and now I can't get a job anywhere."

Homer walked into the house and sat on the couch. He turned on the television and watched the news. "Local numskull blows up power plant," said the news anchor, Kent Brockman. "Doh! Why am I always on the news if I screw up?" "Dinner, Homer. I made pork chops." "Mmmmm, pork chops." :Drools:

"Hey Homer," said Bart, Homer's son, "You look fat as ever. Hahaha." Homer chokes Bart and Lisa walks in to the kitchen. "Bart, Santa's Little Helper just ate my Malibu Stacy doll. You need to teach him to control himself." Bart gets out of Homer's hands and looks at Lisa, "Well, it isn't my responsibility to keep him out of your room, maybe you should close your door." "Stop fighting. Bart, try to teach the dog not to eat everything," said Marge, "Lisa, you keep your door closed. Now lets eat." She turns around and sees Homer eating the pork chops. "Homer, stop eating the pork chops! That's the only thing left in this house. Go get some of the ice cream with miniature pies in it from the Kwik-E-Mart." Homer finishes his pork chops and gets up to leave. "Do I have to?" "Yes! Now go. I need a long island ice tea." Marge gives him the keys to the car, and Homer leaves.

Homer drives to the Kwik-E-Mart and gets out of his car. "Hmm, that's strange. The lights are off. Oh well." He walks in and tries to see where he is. "Apu, are you in here?" "Oh, is that you Homer? You must help me I am tied to a chair behind the counter. A robber just stole from the 'Take a penny, leave a penny' dish. He tied me up and turned off the lights." Homer walks over to the light switch and flips it on. "Thank you Homer. Your kindness is greatly welcomed. Now what do you want," said Apu. "Shouldn't I untie you Apu," said Homer. "Oh yes that would be very good." He unties Apu and says, " Can I have the ice cream with the mini pies in it, with some Duff." "Yes, here you go. Thank you, come again." Homer leaves and drives home.

When he gets home Marge was having a long island ice tea. Homer knew she never drank those unless she was tired. "Marge, why are drinking?" Marge looks at him, "Well I just lost $700 at the casino. I can't help it, I stole these because I had nothing to drink and I tried to win money off the slots. That didn't work out so well so I stole these." Homer picks up all the long island ice teas, and puts them in the fridge. "No more of these. Now, I'm going to Moe's."

Homer walks into Moe's Tavern and gets a beer. He sees Barney out cold on the floor. "Moe, shouldn't you move him or something?" "Nah. Just leave him there, he'll wake up." Lenny walks in and trips of Barney and lands on his pitcher of beer. "Ow! My eye! I'm not supposed to get glass in it for a week." Homer walks out, gets in his car, and drives home.