AN: It's been a while. Reviews and/or any questions are always welcome.
OBSERVATION
They were quick to blame me before they blamed him,
as if I could have stopped him.
Everyone has their own special gift,
theirs is heaping on the guilt till they drown you in it.
I was screaming at them,
gasping my sorry way through my attempted assassination.
Pillows of accusation swamping my face.
"Irresponsible", "reckless endangerment", "stuck on stupid".
I wished they'd just said what they meant,
"Stupid bitch!"
The more and more they say
the less and less I care.
Why worry about my jack now?
Since him I'm damaged goods,
no good for anything else,
never was, anyway,
but I think I like it that way.
All those blotches and blemishes,
like a little polka-dot motif on my soul,
that he designed, painted and printed.
Marked, tarred,
just the same.
Not me,
but instead, just a little augmentation of him.
And it goes against everything I believe to say
that I don't mind.
Maybe that makes me special?
Maybe he makes me feel special?
After all this, I think I'm the last person in his life.
That scares me,
because I don't know what to do, what I'm supposed to do.
With him, it's never been my job to know.
Just to constantly remind him that I believe in him.
If I know anything I know that.
I did my job.
I protected him,
I tried.
At least I didn't fail completely,
he would have died.
And they'd blame me,
because I didn't take action.
Action like the things I did, the things I risked, for him.
I got suspended too.
Nothing indefinite,
a few days.
Didn't tell him,
didn't think he'd listen,
or see that for once we're in the same boat.
If he thinks he's alone,
I should let him be that way.
We could go back to the start,
oceans apart again.
But then where does that leave me?
I'm the one who's out of my mind.
I defend him,
even though bad things happen.
Things that wouldn't have happened to me
if I'd kept on running from him, from the rest of my life,
but I stayed.
I can't do that forever.
What'll happen when I go?
He knows just what he'll do without me,
but what do I do without him?
