I'm addicted to writing Wolf's Rain stories! Xx I swear that a sucky story is going to be the death of me someday. One day I'll write one and BLAM-POW- WAM! I'm dead meat! Well, I just had a muse to write a WR fic, and here I am. Again. Review to tell me either you hate it or you love it.

Title: The Cabin Escapades

Rating: PG-13 (swear words)

Authoress: Sakaki's Little Sis

Summary: Putting four wolves into a kitchen to cook usually wouldn't be a good idea. But when they're hungry they'll try to do anything to make something. Can ANY of them cook?! Watch exploding eggs, arguing, frozen hamsters, a half naked Tsume, a Kiba covered in eggs! Ewww....

Disclaimer: Duh, if I owned Wolf's Rain, I wouldn't be here, now would I? Plus I would make Kiba loose that jacket, and shirt, make that cute wolf go shirtless ::licks lips:: Yummy Kiba ::shakes head:: ::blushes:: ::rubs back of neck:: Sorry! Got lost in fantasizing about Kiba again! :D But, I'm just a fangirl, well, sort of ::goes off to make voodo dolls of the Cyborg 009 cast::

Warning: Erm, sucky author? Tsume, Toboe, Hige, and Kiba trying to cook? Oh, and this is PG-13 for swearing. Yes. Over usage but that's okay. :) Heh...heh...don't shoot me with a duck! OOCness.

Other: I'm trying to make it comedic, but it usually doesn't turn out that way. I'm not good at comedy. AT ALL. Maybe I should have put this as a warning but sorry if it's not all that funny.

Mwahahhahaha! First WR for me that doesn't have Original Characters! :) Now, hi ho, Tsuler! ::jumps on Tsume's back and rides off into the sunset::

IIIII (Oh, I forgot to mention, NO PAIRINGS!)

Nothing in particular was different from today than any other day for Kiba's pack. They were hungry, thirsty, and still haven't found Paradise. But they kept on dragging along. The day seemed like it would go on forever with the sun being so darn hot; plus the fact that there seemed to be no trees around this grassy plain feild! Where were they supposed to hide?! Dig a thing under ground? Stay down there like moles? Somehow, that idea was getting more inviting to them as they trudged along. Toboe used a forearm to cover his eyes as he looked up, squinting from the sun's bright rays.

"It's too hooott..." he whined dryly, walking a bit faster to catch up to Hige. And in front of him was Tsume, and then, of course, the big cheese, Kiba. "Can't we stop for a minute?"

"And where would we find shade, exactly?" Hige asked.

Toboe thought for a moment, then whispered out an "I don't know" as cute as possible. "But I'm sure there has to be something around here. I mean, we can't keep this up for long, you guys. You guys? Are you even listening to me?!"

"Leave a message, runt, you'll save much needed breath that way," replied Hige, shrugging him off.

Tsume voiced himself by saying "In other words: Shutup."

Deciding that it was better just to stay quiet, Toboe toned down. In other words, he stopped talking. Hige took off his sweat jacket, to reveal a white short sleeved shirt. He tied it around his waist but it didn't help all that much. Kiba had taken off his coat while Tsume regretted every deciding to wear leather even if it does attract a lot of fangirls. And Toboe didn't want to take off his shirt in front of everyone. Even if they were all guys, he was a little, well, embarrassed to do so.

Soon enough, Tsume had gotten so tired off the heat that he took of his top (Tsume fans: You have permission to drool now. Eye candy). Leather and heat do not mix is the conclusion that he came to. While they all were drying up to raisins, Toboe was the only one really saw the cabin that was way over to the right. He would have said something but Tsume said to shutup. He doubted that anyone would listen anyway. Besides, if Tsume told you to do something, you dare not do otherwise or your butt would be beaten. Really bad. When they all began passing it, Toboe's eyes still glanced back at the cabin every once and a while.

"What are you looking at?" Hige couldn't help but ask the pup.

"Well..." he said, stopping and pointing "There's a cabin back there. I was wondering whether to say anything or not."

"Why the fk didn't you say something before this?!" Tsume shouted.

"You told me to be quiet," he replied.

Kiba suggested, or more like ordered "Let's go head back. We'll use that until it's night. Let's just pray that there's no one in there."

Running towards there, Hige tripped, Tsume was running in slow motion, (You know, like on baywatch, for Tsume fans. Can't you tell I'm one?) Toboe ran all cutsie like, and Kiba was shaking his head in disbelief at the authoress's weirdness.

"Well, we really aren't alone," Tsume said, opening the door. All of them glanced in. "Unless you count skeletons of chickens company."

"Bones!" shouted Hige hyperly, grabbing a little bone and started chewing on it. All of them turned their heads slowly towards him. He shrugged "What? I sometimes have dog reactions! So sue me!"

"Let's just hope there's no bacon," prayed Tsume as he put his leather top back on.

Reaction

(Tsume Fangirls: ::throw beer cans and shoot ducks at the authoress:: Booooooo on you! Go to hell!

Me: I had to do it! HELP ME! Their crazy!)

Reaction done

The cabin was rather large. Two stories, tables in the dining room with a couple chairs, a very small TV in the living room with a dusty couch, a refrigerator, cabinets, a bathroom, and a loft upstairs with dusty beds. It was like people had lived here. They just began to wonder why there were chicken bones in here rather than human bones. Chickens can't run a house. Can they?

Kiba had thrown out all of the chicken bones, much to Hige's disapproval, and they all started going through the cabinets. There was flour, bread, milk, juice, cabbage, eggs, chocolate, old muffins, cheese, rice balls, and a frozen hamster. Don't ask. Kiba had found it in the refrigerator.

"Well, whoever lived here really did not like hamsters," commented Hige as he poked the ice that the hamster was incased in. He took it out of Kiba's hands and declared "I'll save him!"

"Oh? And how do you believe you'll do that?" Kiba asked.

"Watch me," he replied. He opened the door and threw the hamster outside. In seconds, the hamster was lying in a pool of water since it was so hot outside, that it melted it. "See? It's so hot out that it can un- freeze a frozen hamster."

"Now that's disturbing," Tsume whispered to himself.

All four of them sat at the table, there had only been there chairs, so Toboe was forced to sit on the table. All at once their stomachs growled in anger. Grrrr! They looked at eachother, and then their stomachs.

Hige piped up, asking "So? Who's making lunch?"

IIIII Ten Minutes Later...

"I'm not cooking," Tsume told Hige.

"Come on! We're starving! And your the oldest. You have to take care of us," Hige pleaded with him. "Not like those other two can cook anyway."

"Hey!" The 'other two' shouted back.

"I may be the oldest but I'm useless in the kitchen."

"And everywhere else."

"Hey, watch it chubby."

"Who you calling chubby, leather fetish?!"

"Leather fetish!? I'll have you know that a lot of girls happen to like guys in tight leather! I'm a bad boy. This is what I wear. And how do we even know the stove works?"

"This is how," Hige replied, taking out a pan. He set it on the burner and turned it on. He put his hand over the pan after a couple of silent minutes and six eyes on him, but it wasn't hot. "It's not working."

Kiba sighed. Did he have to fix everything? He walked over and turned the dialer that said to boil.

"There," Kiba said.

Hige gave a doubtful look. Toboe came over to his friends to see the pot was turning red on the bottom that it was so hot. And that...was not a good thing.

Toboe asked, looking at his friends "Shouldn't we turn it off?"

"Yeeeeessss..." Hige let out, then took the pan off. Flames shot out, making the four jump back. Luckily enough no one's head were burned off. At that moment, Hige got three death glares pointed his way. "Hey! I didn't know that it was going to do that! It's spontaneously combusted outwards...somehow. Umm...I'll just shutup now."

"That would be wise!" snapped Tsume angrily as he helped Toboe off of the floor. "Don't speak for the rest of you life. It would do us all a favor."

After a little bit of arguing, they toned down the boil to a pre- heat. Putting some water (the sink works) in there the three men and one boy watched as it began to make bubbles. Now they have boiled water!

Jumping for joy, Hige and Toboe gave eachother high five's. Kiba and Tsume just felt proud.

"Alright! We boiled water! We boiled...water?" Toboe began to cheer but suddenly calmed down. The rest of the wolves gave him a questioning look. "When you say it out loud, it really doesn't sound all that cool."

"Your right," Hige said. "We sounded like idiots."

"Which you are," Tsume hissed.

"Pull the stick out of your ass, Tsume."

"What was that you little brat!?"

"You heard me."

"I will KILL you."

Kiba butted in. "There will be no killing unless it's needed. And in this case, go right ahead Tsume."

"Thank you," Tsume said, grabbing the pan of hot water. "Let him burn!"

"Tsummmeeee!" shouted Hige, jumping onto the table. "Now let's not be hasty!"

"I think that you'll be rather tasty-" Tsume shouted, throwing the water at him. Hige ducked and it went right over him. "Burned to a crisp, that is!"

"Gotta' run, gotta' live! Now it's time for me to go!" Hige said, running upstairs. "And while your down there, make something! I'm just starving!"

"Make it yourself, you lazy bastard!" shouted Tsume, tossing the pan back on the stove.

Toboe and Kiba were watching with eyebrows raised.

"What?" asked Tsume.

"You just did a number similar to the song from Aladdin," pointed out Toboe. (I don't Aladdin. And if you haven't seen it, have you been living under a rock?!)

"Shutup," Tsume hissed back.

IIIII

Putting eggs into the pan, Toboe watched as they started to burn on the top. He looked at it curiously. How was he supposed to flip it? The pup was extremely confused. With no other alternative...he left it alone. If you didn't know what to do with it you might as well leave it alone. Well, that was a bad judgment on our little pup's part because it started to get fluffier...and fluffier...and fluffier. All of the others had been upstairs with the Air Conditioning on high. Toboe had been forced to go downstairs to attempt to make something that

A. Is edible or

B. Doesn't move on it's own accord

Seeing that won't happen, Toboe headed back upstairs. He enjoyed the AC blowing through his brown hair. It was so nice and cool up here that he never wanted to go back out in that burning sun.

"Your standing in front of the AC, runt," said Hige.

"I know."

"So move. We want some too."

"But this feels so nice!"

"Yeah, and we want to feel 'so nice' too. Now move or I will make you," Tsume growled. Toboe quickly moved out of the way and sat next to Kiba.

All of them sat in complete silence. Except for the popping sound they started hearing downstairs.

"Toboe? What is that?" questioned Kiba.

"Ummm..."

"Are you popping popcorn?" Hige asked, all excited.

"N-not really," stuttered out Toboe.

"Then what are you doing?" Tsume joined in.

"Would the answer I don't know work with you all?"

"No," the three older wolves hissed.

They all creeped downstairs. There was a sudden pop, and the one that had jumped out was Kiba, and now he was covered in head to toe in eggs. All of them started laughing. Well, Tsume didn't laugh, he gave 'that' smirk but he was laughing on the inside.

Kiba gave a cold glare through egg on his face right at Toboe.

"Mmmm! A Kiba omelet!" snickered out Hige.

"Am I in trouble?" Toboe asked quietly.

As eggs dropped from his arms and legs, Kiba spat out from his mouth, then said "What do you think?"

"No?"

"Yes."

"No?"

"I said yes!"

"Ummm...yes?"

"No! I mean, yes! You are in deep trouble!"

Toboe stuttered out "I-I didn't know what to do! I never cooked! Granny always did that for me. And after that I always caught my meals. Can you cut me some slack? Besides, you should know better than to let a child in the kitchen unsupervised! So...it's all your guy's fault. Yes. Yes. Your fault. Or we could just blame it on Hige?"

Hige shouted "Why me!?"

The pup shrugged.

"There's a shower upstairs," calmly said Tsume while pointing up the stairs. "To the left and the first door."

As their leader went upstairs, Hige and Toboe still snickered. Kiba said "Wait until I'm clean. You won't be laughing anymore you little brats."

"Oooohh! I'm so scared of the man that got himself covered with eggs," mocked Hige. "Just be careful not to get egg all over the bathroom floor. Or in the toilet. Or in the shower. Or-" Hige was cut off by a wet mass of yellow egg in his face thrown by an angered Kiba. Toboe laughed and Tsume couldn't help but chuckled. It slowly slid down his face, with him grumbling "I hate you all so much right now."

IIIII

"I'm bored!" whined Toboe as they sat upstairs.

The three sat on the beds, there were three of them, and they planned to stay the night. This was just to nice to leave. But that didn't fix their on going problem: They were hungry and no one here could cook. And after that little incident with the eggs they didn't think that Kiba would dare even to let Toboe set a foot in that kitchen. The sounds of Kiba in the shower were obvious. Because every once in a while they would hear him yell "Ewww!" or "Dammit!" or slip and fall. Plus him throwing chunks of eggs in the garbage.

"How many eggs did you use Toboe?!" asked Hige, sitting in the middle bed. Toboe was to his right, and Tsume to his left.

"The whole twelve. They sort of went over the top but I got them all to fit!"

"Remind me to never let you never take a job as a cook."

"It's still all your guys fault. You made me go down there and try to cook something while you sat up here on your lazy behinds, soaking in the air conditioning. I can't help it if I can't cook. I'm just a lovable chibi!" He sniffled out.

Reaction

ToboeFangirls: AWWWWW!!! THAT'S JUST SO KAWAII!

Me: ::holding a whip and a stool:: Back, you creatures, you may not hug him! Now go! Go away!

ToboeFangirls: -( ::hit her over the head with Haruko-san's guitar::

Reaction done

"Let's set something out for Kiba to step on when he comes out of the bathroom!" suggested Hige, pointing his finger in the air enthusiastically.

Tsume crossed his arms. "Haven't you tortured him enough?"

"No."

"Why did I ever become friends with you?"

"Come on, Toboe, let's go find something messy and gooey and icky," said the elder wolf. Toboe wasn't so sure but then nodded. This was Hige's idea this time, not his. So he couldn't get in trouble for it! Atleast, that's what he thought.

Once they got down there, they started searching through everything to find something so gross, gooey, and messy that Kiba would have to take another shower just to get it off his feet! Of course Hige wasn't about to take the blame for this so he had Toboe tag along. He could say it was all the pup's idea. And Tsume wouldn't say anything since he wanted no part in this what-so-ever.

The ickiest thing Toboe could find was something gunky in a jar from underneath the sink. He hadn't un-capped it yet but by the looks of it, that was pretty nasty. Hige found a yellow cheese that was so old that it was melting. Don't ask why it was melting because it was old but it was! The stench that came from it was like chunky milk mixed with oysters and rotted hamburger. Or, if you want to get technical on me, year old cheese that's been under the cupboard for that whole year.

"Un-cap that," Hige ordered.

Nervously, Toboe opened it. When he did...he and Hige passed out from the hideous smell.

IIIII

The next thing they knew, they both felt cold air blowing on them. With damp cloths on their heads. The first to wake up was Toboe, whom opened his eyes halfway to see Tsume sitting next to his bed.

"W-what happened?" Toboe asked, still dazed.

"Don't you remember? It think opening that jar destroyed what few brain cells you and chubby had left," Tsume said, nodding over to Hige who laid in the bed behind him. "And Kiba's out of the shower. Although...you might want to cover your eyes."

"Why?"

"Let's just say that he's not dressed very well," Tsume replied.

"You talking about me again, Tsume?" Kiba asked, coming in. All he was wearing were his tidy wides. Or, if you want to get technical with me again, his underwear! (And no Kiba Fangirls Reaction because...well, make one up in the review! :D)

Toboe covered his head with the sheets. He said "K-K-Kiba? Could you please put some pants on?!"

"What? We're all guys. There is nothing to be ashamed of!" he exclaimed.

Then they heard "Holy Shitaki Mushrooms of Heaven! Put some clothes on, Kiba! We have virgin eyes in the room! Virgin eyes! I think I'm blinded!!"

Kiba rolled his eyes and sighed. "I would put pants on but-" he shot a quick glance at Toboe "-Toboe wrecked them with eggs."

"I'm sorry! I really didn't mean to!" apologized the brown eyed pup. He rolled over to face Tsume and grabbed the older wolf's hand. "I'm tired. Can we go to sleep now?"

Tsume swiped his hand away "You've been sleeping for a whole hour. Besides, there's only three beds! How are we supposed to get rest?!"

"Well...." Kiba started.

IIIII

Tsume sighed as he looked over to Toboe whom he had to share a bed with. Oh, sure, Hige and Kiba got their own beds but he had to share one with Toboe! It's not like they couldn't fit it's just Tsume wasn't used to having to share a bed with someone. Especially not another guy. And double that if they're under eighteen. There's something called pedophilism that he would rather not do. Eeeewwww....Besides that, and him making eggs so badly that they blew up, Tsume didn't mind. All that much. Everyone else was sleeping but his stomach was bothering him to much to go to la la land!

Time to get up and make something himself! He got out of bed and marched right downstairs to make himself lunch! Go Tsume!

Now, this could be a little dangerous, but it couldn't be that hard. Right? Tsume felt that he would do better than the others. All of them combined actually. Even though he said earlier he was a wreck in the kitchen, the others were a disaster in there, but he could be gourmet compared to them.

As he went through everything, the wolf had to wonder if this was such a bright idea. He never had cooked before in his life. He had always hunted his food, eaten it raw. This was very strange to him, although, it would be fun to shove into their faces once they woke up. Either they would wake up to a burning kitchen; or they would wake up to a nice table full of food they will never even get to eat or touch. Because, if his cooking was good, he wasn't going to share it with them! He would have worked over a hot stove to make that lunch! Though, Tsume thought that the burning kitchen would be more realistic.

IIIII

::sighs:: I had wanted to make this a one shot, but this turned out to have another chapter. If you guys want it. I need three reviews asking me to continue and then I shall! :) Sorry if it sucked. Like I said, I'm horrible at humor, unless it's random. And the characters were so out of character! ARGH! I'm going to be flamed for this one! :( Sorry. Sorry. Sorry! GOMEN NASAI! But, review, even if you didn't like it. If you didn't either:

A. Flame

B. Tell me what's wrong with it

C. Come back when your in a better mood

or D. Go to anger management (J/K)

I prefer 'B'. :D Review!