Eren had always remembered.
He knows his very first conscious thought was how happy he was that his mother was alive and smiling down at him in his crib.
Sometimes he had nightmares of his previous life, especially about his mother dying, but it hadn't been happening all that often. Mostly, he was hunted by the memories during the days. He kept looking around for the walls and titans and people in military uniforms. But he found nothing. It took him a good while until he realized none of that actually existed.
When he tried to talk about it to his parents, all he got was the usual over-active-imagination comments. He was lost and confused.
At least until one day, when he was seven years old and was walking down the street with his mom.
He heard a voice.
A voice he could recognize anywhere anytime. The cry of 'Eren!' was the only warning before he found himself on the ground with a crying Mikasa on top of him. That was the moment he could assure himself he wasn't a crazy kid with crazy imagination.
It was real.
Since that day, they were, once again, inseparable. They didn't have the bond of murder, however, this time around, they had something much stronger that no-one could possibly understand.
They remembered.
Armin didn't. They found him when they entered middle school. They were in the same class. As soon as Eren saw him he jumped on the small blond.
But Armin didn't remember him.
Or Mikasa.
Or anything else.
To his complete horror, the one who did remember had to be Jean of all people. He was in the class next-door (thank god) and came to check when he hear Eren shout Armin's name.
"God, Jaeger, do you always have to be so loud?"
Eren froze at that and turned around. He would never believe he'd be happy to see that horse-face but he was. And judging by the grin on Jean's face, he was, too. (But true to his eternal, doomed-to-failure crush, it was nothing compared to the look he got when he noticed Mikasa.)
Ironically enough (or maybe it was fate) they found the whole of their old trainees squad somewhere in the school. In the end only four of them had the memories. (The last one was Annie, who transferred there in the middle of their second year.)
Only four of them remembered but they tried their best to recreate the friendship they all once had at least in some way. They succeeded in befriending them all, but it wasn't really the same.
Armin's spot next to the pseudo-siblings, Marco's spot next to Jean, Reiner and Berthold's spots next to Annie... were filled by other people. It couldn't be the same. But they all took what they could.
His whole life Eren couldn't deny he was happy humanity was free once again. Not trapped in a cage, not waiting in fear for the day when titans break the walls completely. Wings of freedom were finally outstretched behind the back of humanity.
But still... He felt restless, out of place. He didn't know what to do - his only goal has always been to fight. But now there was nothing to fight and nothing to fight for. Sure, he could go to the army. But that would mean fighting the people he helped to save. And for what? What was the point of wars now? Territory? Oil? That was just too stupid of a reason.
Sometimes, he caught himself wishing he could go back. He didn't belong here.
He was convinced his wings were ripped off with the loss of purpose.
But really, he wasn't the only one. They all thought so to some extent, even if Mikasa said she didn't care what time they were in as long as Eren was safe, even if Jean declared he was glad he didn't have to struggle to just survive.
(Annie just head-on admitted she wants to go back, even if that meant she had to go against everyone again.)
They weren't supposed to be here and remember. That was just cruel. How is it possible for some people to remember and for others not to? That was not just cruel; it was unfair, too.
With time, all of them somehow came to terms with this peaceful era. They could just try to live through it.
All but Eren.
Eren was the only one who still hadn't found all the people that used to be dear to him in the past life.
There was still the Special operations squad, or Levi's squad.
He was unable to put the past to rest without meeting them at least once. If he found them, he could accept this. If he could do the one thing he wanted to do for the whole 2000 years.
He could apologise for being the cause of their deaths.
For the wrong decision he made.
For being too weak to save them.
For not shifting sooner.
For not noticing the dilemmas Annie (and the others. But they were not really relevant in this.) went through while they trained close combat skills together and subsequently not preventing all the slaughter that happened later on.
For... so many things he's lost count.
No matter if they remembered or not. Just one of them was more than enough. It was very probable that they, just as Eren's trainees squad, found themselves close to each other. So Eren came to a conclusion. Find one, find all. One of them was bound to remember.
And even if not, he'd apologise anyway.
It didn't matter if they looked at him like he was a crazy kid they'd never seen before.
He'd do it anyway.
And so he adopted the habit of scanning every face he passed on the street.
For many years.
He never grew discouraged.
Because he had a powerful motive.
Well, two, actually.
Beside the apology for the avoidable deaths, more than anything he wanted to find the one who survived until the very end. The leader of the group, the invincible Levi Heichou.
It wasn't because he wanted to apologise.
...Okay, that too; for being difficult, annoying little shit of a brat, but it wasn't the main reason.
It was because he missed him.
Yes, that's right. He fucking missed the short, irritable, intimidating, rude clean-freak.
He missed him so much he couldn't stand it.
Because he was still in love with him.
Even after all these years, in a whole different life circle, he still loved him.
He did realize Levi will be a totally different person, even if he somehow manages to find him. All of them changed with no titans in sight. But he knew no matter how much he changed, Levi would still be Levi. Still short, still irritable, still intimidating, still rude. Still a clean-freak bordering on OCD who wouldn't let Eren touch him without an hour-long shower beforehand.
He will find Levi if it kills him.
The best would be if he remembers; then Eren was sure he could get him back one way or another. And if not, well, at least if he knows he's out there somewhere, alive and well.
Ever since he met Mikasa and became sure all these memories were real, he was waiting for him, looking everywhere he went. Even while he was still too small to really understand those feelings, he still understood the longing, the burning need to see him. So he paid attention to all the strangers on the streets, but found nothing.
Nothing for years and years. Everyone told him to give up, especially Mikasa. She probably just didn't want to see him so desperate. But Eren refused to admit defeat. Because if everything about him changed with the new era, his determination, stubbornness would probably never fade. So he searched through elementary school, through middle school, through high school, through college.
Eren was in his third year of college. He was walking with Mikasa to get some lunch, automatically checking every person he passed on the street.
"Ah, it was so good. Thanks for coming with me!"
Eren froze. He knew that voice.
"Yeah, sure. As if I had a choice, when you kept bugging me for so long, not letting me work."
And he definitely knew this voice. He couldn't move, couldn't think. He just stood there, listening, while Mikasa waved her hand in front of his face.
"I had to. You wouldn't eat at all otherwise. Anyway, I have to do that errand now, so you can go back ahead of me, Heichou."
Eren's heart skipped a beat at that. So they really did remember.
At the title even Mikasa finally noticed, too, and stared in just as much shock as Eren did.
"I keep telling you to fucking stop calling me that. Where the hell did you even come up with that?"
He doesn't remember. He doesn't remember. He doesn't remember. He doesn't remember. He doesn't remember. He doesn't remember. He doesn't remember. He doesn't remember. He doesn't remember. He doesn't remember. He doesn't remember!
No.
It doesn't matter.
Eren whipped around in time to see Petra laugh in an awkward, apologetic way and Levi roll his eyes in response before they both parted, Levi walking away, Petra coming closer.
She did only some three steps before suddenly stopping in her tracks.
For a few seconds the three of them just stared at each other, before Petra broke into a bright smile. From the way they looked at her it was obvious they knew who she was the same way she knew them.
"Petra..."
"Eren! I'm so happy to see you! You're his sister, right? Ehm..."
"...Mikasa."
"Right. Nice to meet you, Mikasa. I'm Petra Ral. We've never been properly introduced, I believe."
"...Nice to meet you, too," Mikasa mumbled back, with her mouth buried deep into her scarf, that Eren gave her with the first opportunity. ("You look weird without it, so here.")
There was an awkward silence for a few moments. No-one really knew what to say but they definitely didn't want to just walk away.
In the end it was Eren who broke the silence. "Mikasa, do you think you could have lunch by yourself? I'd like to talk with Petra for a while. Well, if you want to..." he looked over to Petra uncertainly.
"Sure, I'd love to." She smiled at him warmly, openly, in a way she never actually did before.
"Eren... Are you sure you want to do it alone?"
"Mikasa! Please."
Mikasa sighed, defeated. "Okay, fine. Call me when you're finished."
"You have class after this, let's just meet up tomorrow."
"Fine..."
Mikasa nodded at Petra and shuffled away, glancing over her shoulder a few times.
Eren face-palmed. "I'm sorry; she's still acting like this even now... "
"It's cute," Petra giggled. "It's good to see you're still close."
"You're only saying it's cute because you don't have to deal with it all the time. She's still scary and annoyingly overprotective. Sometimes I wish she would just leave me alone..." Eren said in the most unconvincing way.
"Don't lie, that's not good," she teased with a completely straight face.
"I'm not lying!" Eren looked away and Petra chuckled.
"You're a bad liar, you know that right?"
"But it's- ack!" Eren was interrupted when someone collided into him. "We're blocking the street. We should probably go somewhere..."
"Do you want some coffee? There's a good coffee shop just a minute away..."
"Yeah..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Um, so, Eren, how are you? Is everyone alright?"
"...Well, I'm fine... My parents are alive, I've found Mikasa and everyone, though most of them don't remember a thing, but they're alive and happy, and that's more than enough... "
"But?"
Eren looked Petra in the eyes. There wasn't any need to explain anything, so he just nodded. "Yeah... But..."
Petra smiled. "You know, you should just be happy the time's changed. Everyone can live their lives free of the constant threat. We have the internet, video games, fast food..."
"But I am! I am happy about it but it's just so... wrong!" he couldn't help but rise his voice. Petra chuckled. Eren will always be Eren. Permanently angry about something.
"Yeah, I get it, just calm down, okay?" she accompanied the request with a finger pressed to her lips to get her point across.
"Oh. Right. Sorry... Anyway... how's everyone? How's... Heichou...?"
Petra had to laugh at that. So Eren's only concern is still Levi, huh... "Everyone's fine, all of us work at the same place. Out of the whole squad I'm the only one that remembers. Even Heichou doesn't. But even so, he's still the same. I bet our office is the cleanest in town."
Eren laughed but then he sighed, defeated and sad. "I'm not really surprised. Who would want to remember their whole squad dying..." his eyes widened at what he just said. "I-I'm so sorry, I didn't mean..." He didn't know what he should say.
Petra just chuckled. "It's okay Eren it's the past. We are all alive now, so it doesn't matter, right?"
"It does matter! I... I... Actually... This whole time I wanted to apologise to you, to all of you!"
"Oh my god, what are you even apologising for?!" Petra was shocked. Why was the boy on the verge of tears?! What should she do?
"It's my fault! It's completely my fault that you died, that so many people died! My fault! I'm so, so, so sorry! If only I shifted sooner, I could have-"
SLAP!
Yes.
Petra slapped him.
Eren was speechless while Petra looked at him all huffy.
"Eren, who the hell do you think you are? Were. Whatever. We were the elite, hand-picked by Heichou himself!" Petra stressed with pride. "If we couldn't do it, so couldn't you! It wouldn't have changed a thing! Moreover..." Her voice softened. "The moment we have decided to join the Survey corps we were already prepared to die at any moment. None of us would ever blame anyone or anything for it."
"Yet you wet yourself during your first expedition..." Eren joked, his voice still weak but it held some spark again.
Petra went red. "Did not! You believed him?! It's so not true! I didn't... I... I... I did..." The last bit was mumbled into the palms of her hands that covered her burning face.
Eren laughed out loud and Petra shot him a deathly glare.
"...Shut up. ...But, Eren, even if it were your fault, you took revenge, didn't you? You avenged all the people that died at their hands so that should be enough satisfaction for everyone."
Eren and Petra looked at each other for a long time after that, until finally Eren looked down and sniffed quietly. Petra had the decency to look away and give Eren time to compose himself.
"But you know," said Eren after a short while, "I'm still surprised it's you of all people who remembers..."
"Are you trying to say I'm weak?!" Petra was scandalised. Or at least pretended to be. Really, she was just teasing.
"N-No! Not at all! I just..." He was just too cute when trying to explain himself. "I just thought that... You wouldn't want to... Like Heichou..." Didn't look like that last bit was supposed to be there.
Petra sighed soundlessly and tugged her hair behind her ear out of habit before leaning over to Eren.
"Hey, Heichou might not remember but I'm sure if he gets to know you, he will love you again. What do you say I arrange you a blind date with him? Hm?"
Eren gaped at her for a moment before finally reacting. "You... You know? You know we were together? How? You said no-one remembered?"
"No, I said no-one in the squad remembered, not everyone I know." There was a sly smirk on her face.
"No!"
"Yes."
Eren groaned. "How much?"
"Everything," Petra sang happily.
"I hate her."
"Don't lie, that's not good. Anyway, what do you say to the date?"
"...Why are you even trying to help me? Didn't you love him yourself?" It was kind of suspicious.
"Oh, don't worry. I've realized it wasn't really love in the most romantic and sappy sense. More like puppy-love? I don't know and it doesn't matter. I'm still waiting for you to notice," Petra pouted.
"Huh?"
She rolled her eyes and waved her left hand in front of his face.
It took Eren several seconds to process what was going on and what he was seeing. "Hey, you're married?!"
Petra laughed in a superior way. "Not yet. Auruo proposed to me a month ago. You're welcome to come to the wedding. I'll send you an invitation."
"Wow... That's... Congratulations...?"
'Wow,' Eren thought. 'It took him what, 2000 years, but he actually did it...'
"Thank you, thank you. So... do you want the date or not?"
"Do you even have to ask? Thanks to someone you know every bloody detail of my life; you have to know how much I loved him... But I somehow doubt he'll agree to a blind date..."
He did.
He, the cold, emotionless, too-cool-for-you Levi fucking Heichou, agreed to come to a blind date.
There had to be a catch somewhere.
Just because of this fact alone, Eren had a feeling. And as the date progressed, he became sure.
There was no reason to beat around the bush so Eren being Eren just went ahead and asked.
"So, Levi... Why are you lying to Petra? Why won't you just tell her you remember?"
Levi fixed him an unreadable stare that could pass as confused. But Eren stood his ground.
Finally, Levi admitted his defeat. "How."
"Well... For one, you agreed to a bloody blind date. If you didn't know who it was with, I highly doubt you would. You talked to me like always, you didn't have any problem telling me things like where you live or your number, and there were some other hints..."
"What hints?" Levi asked sharply, irritated more at himself than at Eren.
"Like, when you asked me how I knew Petra, you were smirking at me. If that was not a question asked solely to frustrate me I don't know what is."
They stared at each other for some time, but it was Levi again who gave in first. He grabbed Eren's collar and yanked him down. There was a second or two of calm before their mouths connected in a long over-due, passionate, messy kiss.
(They were a great attraction, standing in the middle of the street as they were.)
When they finally separated after a few minutes, (Not completely, mind you. They were still unwilling to go that far.) Eren couldn't help himself but ask again.
"So why are you keeping it a secret?"
"You're not gonna drop it, are you."
"Nope."
"Fine. I just don't like talking about it. It always involves a lot of feelings and issues and shit and I just can't have that all the time. I've had enough with Erwin and Hanji."
"So you told them but you didn't tell Petra? That's not fair."
"I didn't tell them, they just know me too well. I didn't tell you either."
"Great. Now I feel jealous that I'm not the only one who saw through you."
Levi rolled his eyes at that. "Because you're a fucking brat. But if it makes you feel better, you're the only one who figured it out so easily. It took them both a few days."
"Yes, that helped..." He flashed a happy smile before it faded away after a few seconds as the staring they had going on got intense. "Hey, Levi...?"
"Hm?"
"I missed you."
"...I missed you, too, brat."
Close to the end of their (very much prolonged) first date, Eren asked way too casually, "Hey, what are you doing next week?"
"...I don't like that tone. It makes me think I won't like what's coming."
"Mikasa and I have been planning a little visit..."
"I'm not going anywhere with Ackerman if that's what you're implying. She'd try to kill me on the spot. I don't want to end up in prison for accidentally killing her while defending myself."
"Oh, come on, it's the autograph session, I'm sure you have to go there anyway!"
"I don't. And I won't."
"Don't lie, that's not good."
"...You got that one from Petra."
"Yes. So?"
"No."
"Hello, Ackerman, long time no see."
Mikasa glared in response.
"Oh, come on," Eren groaned. "It's been literarily ages and you still can't at least tolerate each other? Seriously?"
"When the hell did you meet up with the midget? Why didn't you tell me?"
"Watch it, Ackerman, I might not be your superior anymore but I am still perfectly capable of kicking the shit out of you."
"I highly doubt that. Midget."
"Okay, okay; time out," Eren intervened before they could turn the outside of the bookstore into a slaughterhouse. "Please, it's just for today. I promise I won't force you to co-exist in the same room ever again. Just... call it a truce for today, please?" he made the best puppy eyes he was capable of. (Which wasn't much, to be honest. He was surprised himself he hadn't blown up on them, yet.)
"Eren, you can't be serious, dating the midget again! You didn't have enough last time?"
"I swear; if you call me a midget again, I'll-"
"Shut up, both of you!" Eren finally had enough. Was it really too much to ask if he wanted the two people he loved the most to ignore each other's existence for two damn hours?
He huffed and angrily stalked away from them and into the bookstore.
The two he left behind exchanged cold, seemingly expressionless stares.
"Midget," shot Mikasa and ran after Eren (after all, he's dangerous to himself and his surroundings when left unsupervised for too long), leaving Levi by himself to try not to punch a wall to keep himself from punching Annoying woman no.2. He could ignore her, at least for today, for Eren's sake.
It took him another minute of calming down to arrive at their destination but as soon as he did he was assaulted be a high-pitched squeal coming from the far end. He winced. Seems like Annoying woman no.1 spotted Eren...
"Ereeeen! Oh my god! What are you doing here! I had no idea you lived around here! If I did, I'd find and kidnap you long ago! Ah! Mikasa, too! How are you two?"
Eren laughed and patted Hanji on the head his previous anger long forgotten. She jumped at him, enveloping him in a big hug as soon as she saw him, squealing into his ear, successfully distracting him.
"Hanji, calm down a little... Shouldn't you be preparing for the autograph session?"
"Don't worry, I have lots of time!"
"Bullshit. It starts in ten minutes. And for fuck's sake, let go of him."
"Oh, Levi! I knew you'd come! Are you here together?" Hanji asked with a sly smirk.
"Yes. Now you know so let. Go. Of. Him."
Hanji grinned wider and turned her head to look at Eren. "Eren, do you see? He's jealous! Isn't he sweet?"
Eren's grin matched Hanji's and negated Levi's scowl. "Yes; very much so."
"Hey, kids, have you read my book yet? Have you?" Hanji asked, (and thus beautifully ignored the theatrical roll of Levi's eyes) her eyes sparkling the same way they used to when she was talking about titans. (But talking about titans and talking about a book about titans is the same thing, right?)
Eren scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "No, not yet. We were actually waiting to buy it today..."
"Oh, don't be silly," Hanji turned around and grabbed two books from a nearby shelf. "Just take these; you don't need to pay for it. Levi, Erwin and Petra already got and read theirs. And you know what, Levi actually said 'not bad'! Just how good this book has to be to get Levi's seal of approval?"
"I especially liked chapter 14. I think Eren will like it, too," Levi noted with barely suppressed amusement in his voice.
Eren's brows furrowed in suspicion as he hastily found said chapter. He quickly scanned through several pages until his eyes widened to double their usual size and his jaw clenched. He snapped the book shut, and glared at Hanji furiously. "Hanji, for god's sake! That was personal! Telling Petra is one thing but how could you just write it out for the whole world to see! Without asking, no less!"
Hanji pouted. "But I did ask! Levi said I could go ahead!"
Eren changed the direction of his furious glare.
"Oi, four-eyes, don't throw this one on me."
Hanji just stuck out her tongue at him.
Eren groaned and rubbed his eyes in frustration. "Well, I guess I can't do shit about it now, can I... It's not like anyone will think it's real anyway..."
The rest of their little group were all surprised by Eren's sudden boost in maturity. They were pretty impressed but they had a feeling it wouldn't last long.
Mikasa, who in the meantime was checking what they were talking about, suddenly spoke out for the first time, still staring at the pages. "Hanji... I thought this was a tragic hero story about the titan war... Why does this look like a BL novel...?"
Levi looked like he wanted to start laughing while Eren looked like he wanted to dramatically jump off a bridge.
Hanji beamed. "It's both! But really, the only BL part is in that chapter and it was necessary to explain some of the choices these love-sick idiots made, so..."
"I'm not an idiot," deadpanned Levi.
"You're not denying the love-sick part?"
"You're not saying anything about me?!"
"Why should he, you are an idiot."
"Mikasa!" shouted Eren before continuing uncertainly. "Umm... Aren't you, like... angry about what's in there...? Just let me say it's exaggerated, okay!"
"Eren."
"Yes?" he squeaked in response.
Levi and Hanji snickered in unison while Mikasa sighed. "You do realize that was there and saw and heard it all, right? It's not anything new, really. And it's not that exaggerated..."
Eren blushed furiously and Levi with Hanji stopped trying to hold back the laughter.
"Stop laughing at me!"
"But, darling, we're not laughing at you, we're laughing with you."
"Do I look like I'm fucking laughing?! And Levi, don't you dare call me with a pet name ever again; it's way beyond creepy..."
Now even Mikasa was snickering behind her scarf...
"I hate you, all of you!"
""Don't lie, that's not good!"" said all three of them in unison and suddenly there was complete silence as they all just stared at each other, before bursting out laughing all over again.
"Miss Hanji! What are you doing! You should already be at the table!"
"Ah, that's right! I totally forgot! By the way, everyone, this is Moblit, my editor. Moblit, my friends."
"Nice to meet you. But I'm sorry; we're in a hurry right now."
They ran off, or more like Moblit ran off while dragging Hanji with him.
Suddenly the atmosphere became rather heavy. "So Moblit doesn't remember..." noted Eren sadly while Mikasa hid herself behind her scarf again.
Levi shook his head. "No-one else does. Just Hanji, Erwin, Petra and me... I never asked but who remembers from your side?"
It was Mikasa who answered, sadness evident in her quiet voice. "Only Jean and Annie."
"Figures."
"Yeah..."
There was about to be a strained silence but then they witnessed Moblit begging Hanji to just calm down and pay attention for two minutes and Eren snickered.
"Everything has changed but looking at them it's like nothing really did. It's somewhat nice."
Mikasa smiled and Levi nodded solemnly. "Yeah; I feel sorry for Moblit. No matter what he does he'll always end up having to babysit her. But you're right." Levi slowly intertwined his and Eren's fingers. "Nothing's really changed."
Eren knew what he was trying to say, but he still couldn't help himself. "You know that's not true. There are no titans, no- Hey!"
Mikasa smacked him over his head. "Shut up, you're ruining the mood."
"You didn't have to hit me so hard," Eren grumbled while rubbing the hurt spot. Levi smirked and, surprisingly, Mikasa smirked back.
They heard another exasperated cry of 'Miss Hanji!' from Moblit and Eren smiled, gently squeezing Levi's hand. Sure, (almost) everything's changed in some way or another, but he certainly could live with this.
A/N: When I started writing this, it was supposed to be a little angsty with a happy ending... I don't understand what I keep doing wrong... (-_-;;) Let's blame it on Hanji...
Btw, if anyone reading this is waiting for the things I should actually be writing (The Kidnapping and/or Not a morning person), I swear I'm working on it! ;;
