My first attempt at a Voyager fic.I wrote it from a song, but I don't
display the song in it(song: Linkin Park - Numb).It kinda how Seven thinks
about her life, and how she thinks about the crew, especially about
B'Elanna and Janeway.I don't know if much people will kinda understand the
story because it kinda confussing.I just wrote what I thought...
The beginning kinda sux because I started writing it for an other show
first.
23/06/04 20.02
Modified some minor things.Italic names is who she mentions it too..get
it?To bad if you don't but you can still read the story
By Cloud
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Seven's Thoughts
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To B'Elanna
I am..so tired.
I tried... so hard.
Will you ever love me for who I am?Will you ever be satisfied in how I want
to act?When was the last time you smiled to me when I was rude?When I was
myself!
I am so tired..
I don't wanna do this anymore.
I did my best..the best I could.
But I'm not enough for you.You will never except me.
Can you ever accept me???!!!!
To the crew
I...feel so lost.
I...feel so used.
There is no place I have left to go.Why is life so hard?!God, can someone
please tell my why life so hard is??!!Why am I lost in this life.
Why am I so faithless??
Can't I be saved.
Why did the other hybrids had the chance?Why didn't I get one reasonable
chance??
To B'Elanna
Why...did I try to please you?
Why...?
I don't even know what you want me to do..do you even ever wanted me
already?Do you love?Am I mistaking?
Can I be this stupid??!!I bet I can, you foolled me all this time!You never
were happy when I did something for you.
How could I be so stupid??!!
To Janeway
Everything I did , you never appreciated one thing of it.
Everything..I wanted to give for you.
You never thanked me for anything!Yes, I know you also did a lot of things
for me, but I always thanked you!Maybe a little late but I did it!But you
never thanked me, everything I did was a new mistake!
To the crew
People think I am rude, but that is all their own fault.First of all they
save me without my permission.Then they try to make me human, something I
don't even want.And when I finally am starting to accept it, they fuck up
my life.
To B'Elanna
Life is irrelevant and unlogical.Emotions are irrelevant and unlogical.But
why do I have them then?I finally understood, but now you abandoned me, I
forgot...
I am so tired, no not my body, but my mind.I feel so used.All this time you
said you wanted to help me.All this time you abused me.But I shall be more
aware of things in the future, so things like this will never happen again.
To Janeway
I'm becoming whatever you want me to me, but I won't accept this, I will
try to fight. I know I don't stand a change, but doing nothing is
irrelevant.Everything I ever wanted was left behind, because I gave
everything for you.My own luck thrown away for someone who hates me.
To the crew
But I will try, I want to be more like myself...more like an
individual.That's what they first asked me to be, but then she tried to
change me in a copy of herself.I won't accept that.It is unlogical to
become a replicate from someone else.I will me more like myself, and less
like you.
I was to much hold back my Miss.The-First-Prime-Directive.I was afraid to
lose control, and become like some of them.But I still can't loosen control
to much, because when I do, it will kill me...
I won't accept it anymore, that someone tries to rule my mind.I don't want
to be in the Captain's little collective.The first changes were hard for
me.Finding someone who loved me, for who I was.Everytime I saw the Captain
I saw her jealousy.Day by day she broke appart more and more.She saw me
change...she saw me change in a person that is not like her.
But still every step I take hurts.Every member of this crew sees it as an
mistake.But I don't mind you all.I am far more superior than you humans.I
know I am part human, but I feel more Borg...
To B'Elanna
Every second in my life hurts.You hurted me more than I can ever accept.But
I will learn to live with it, I will adapt.I am borg and I can do this.Pain
is irrelevant.I know it will take me down sometime, but not now.Now I have
to adapt, to live with it.So I can find perfection.
But I know, everything can fail.There is more in this life than
perfection.I realized that now.Maybe I was wrong, and you don't hate me,
you didn't abuse me.Maybe I was the one who did that all to you.I was to
blinded by my search for perfection, but now I realize, my perfection is
you.
And now I know, you were just like me.Blinded by one goal, not seeing that
we were hurting others.We where both wrong, and I regret that a lot.We are
the same.People have expectings of us, but we can't make that expectings
true.We both have friends disappointed in us.
Plz R&R
