DO NOT READ THIS UNTIL YOU HAVE READ ALLEGIANT!IF YOU HAVE, PLEASE CARRY ON :)
ALLEGIANT (ALTERNATIVE ENDING )
My mind feels sharper, clearer. I look at Caleb, and I feel everything slowing down inside of me, my racing thoughts and the pounding of my heart.
When I look at him, I don't see the cowardly young man who sold me out to Jeanine Matthews, and I don't hear the excuses he made later.
When I look at him, I see the caring brother who held my hand in the hospital when our mother broke her wrist and told me it would be alright. I see the brother who told me to make my own choices, the night before the Choosing Ceremony. I think of all the remarkable things he is – smart and enthusiastic and eager and witty.
He is a part of me, and I am a part of him. I don't belong to the Abnegation, or the Dauntless, or even the Divergent. I belong to the people I love and they belong to me.
"I would never deliver you to your own execution" I say aloud. "Give me the backpack, Caleb"
I slip my hand under my shirt, grab my gun and train it on him.
He turns and a look of perplexity comes on his face, then it dawns on him.
"No, Tris! I will never be able to live with the guilt, I will never be happy again" His lip trembles, and he says "What if you were in my place, Tris?"
That sentence gets a hold of me. My expression remains static but below the surface, my emotions are in turmoil. I know the guilt he feels, because that is kind of like what I felt when I killed Will, and I know that there is nothing else that can satisfy him. Now, he is not the power hungry, thirsty for knowledge, - erudite, who sold me out to Jeanine Matthews,
He is my caring brother and we love each other. When we were playing 'Candor', he had told me that he wants to do this because he feels like this is the only way he can escape the guilt for all that he has done, the only way he thinks that he can be forgiven for all he has done.
I know that I might come to regret my decision but despite that I don't hold back. His decision is not in my hands, it's his and I know that I need to let him do this.
"Off you go, Caleb, before I change my mind." I say, as tears well up in my eyes. I lower the gun and I see my hands shaking.
He is the last member of my family and he is about to die.
"I love you Tris." He gives me a hurried hug and I see tears sparkling in his eyes as he goes, and I feel a jolt of déjà vu. This was how the rest of my family died, down a hallway, into the arms of undeniable death, every single one of them doing it to save someone.
'I love you too, Caleb" I whisper into the air after he is long gone.
THE FUNERAL
Caleb had managed to deploy the memory serum, they told me, and David shot him.
Now, he no longer suffers from personhood. I have no biological family member left.
Matthew had been the first one to break the news to me, but he did it gently. Before, he was just an acquaintance, now I think I have found a friend, a good one too.
I have arranged for a funeral in Chicago-, abnegation style.
In abnegation the funerals are a somber occasion. Everyone gathers to support the family of the deceased. There is no laughter, shouting, or joking.
That's how I want it.
The funeral is held in an open spaced courtyard in Chicago. There are maybe eighty chairs set up. There is a coffin in the middle.
For a while, I just watch people walk up to the coffin, which is on some kind of cart covered in a purple tablecloth.
Tobias is beside me holding my hand.
I need to go towards his coffin, look at him one last time.
I stand up. I leave Tobias behind. My hands are shaking and I clench the hem of my shirt to stop it. I walk up the makeshift aisle between the rows of chairs.
I can see Caleb as I approach: His eyes are closed, I realize.
Stupid me.
He looks peaceful. Almost as if he is in deep sleep, and for a moment, I think that he'll wake up and smile at me and become my lovely, caring brother again.
Christina walks towards me. Her appearance is almost relieving.
"Hey. How are you holding up?" she asks.
"I'm doing okay. It's difficult. It always will be." I say.
"I know. Sometimes life really sucks," she says. "But you know what I'm holding on for?"
I raise my eyebrows.
She raises hers to, mimicking me.
"The moments that don't suck', she says. "The trick is to notice them when they come around."
Epilogue
10 years later….
Autumn seems to have arrived suddenly this year. The morning of the first of September is crisp and golden as an apple. It is kind of a beautiful day, the kind of weather that reminds you that the world wasn't built for humans; we were built for the world.
As I look through the hospital window, I know my life will never be the same again. I was a wife, and now am a mum.
I smile at my beautiful twins. One boy, one girl.
They were born today.
A lot has happened in the past few years. We live in Chicago. Evelyn stays with us, and I have made my peace with her. She actually seems nice.
Our house is just north of the river. It's on one of the lower floors, but through the abundant windows, a wide stretch of skyscrapers can be seen. We chose that house because it's beautiful.
Zeke and Shauna got married a few years ago and so did I and Tobias. Zeke and Shauna opted to live in the higher floors of the Hancock building. Christina, Amar, Matthew and George also live in the same building. Cara moved back to the apartments near Millennium Park.
Tobias and I train the police force with George. I like being a teacher. Not the one being screamed at, but the one screaming. Tobias says that the feeling's normal.
Tobias started freaking out; when I had told him that I had wanted to go instead of Caleb. But that's how I would've reacted too, I suppose - if I was in his place. I had told him a few days after Caleb's funeral.
I wonder how it would have been, if I had been the one to teach Caleb how to use a gun.
Tobias comes in, breaking my train of thought. He looks as if he hasn't slept.
"Hey." he says.
He comes in and squeezes my hand. Then he starts cuddling the twins.
"What are we going to name them?" he asks while doing it.
"You name one, I'll name one," I say.
"Oh-kay. You first" he says.
"I want to name the boy. I want to name him Caleb"
"Looks like you had already decided that" he says. He doesn't seem very happy.
"What, you wanted me to name him Tobias the second, or something?"
"No." He doesn't smile. "What are you going to tell him when he asks about his name?" he asks.
"Look. I know you weren't very fond of him, Tobias, but he did what he did for the people in Chicago. I'm going to tell him that he was named after a very selfless guy, who gave up his life for the welfare of others. He was a caring brother who made some mistakes as every human does. I will tell him about those mistakes as well, if that's any consolation."
He shrugs. "You're right." he says. "I just can't wrap my mind around the idea of living without you, which would be the case if you had gone in instead of him, or if Jeanine Matthews plan had succeeded."
"Well, it's your turn. What do you want to name the girl?" I ask.
"I am going to use a unique name for our pretty angel. Um….. give me some time to think. I'll stay beside you."
He smiles.
I go back to sleep, as that's what I've pretty much been doing in the hospital.
Tobias wakes me up with a jolt. "Wake up! Wake up!"
I sit up. "What'd I miss?" I ask groggily.
"Oh. Not much. Christina and a few others came." he says. "I thought of a name! Not exactly thought, it took me time to do some research on it."
Research? Exactly how long was I out?
His face shines with excitement. He was bursting to tell me.
"What is it?"I ask
"You remember our neighbor? The historian guy who told us that Chicago's the 'fourth city'? Well, I asked him more about the world, because we hardly know anything about it. I also asked him about the way the world was before, and he told me about these two main ancient civilizations, - Egyptian and Indian. Egypt and India are two countries, by the way. So, using the internet, I chose two names, from those languages, Indian and Egyptian. But I liked the Indian one more. Told you her name's going to be unique, right? Have you been able to understand, till now?"
"Yes. I reply, although it's not true. . I don't really understand the terms- 'Indian' and 'Egypsion'(or whatever that was).
"You used the internet?"I ask. I use computers, but I don't really understand them the way Tobias does. "Yeah!" he replies.
"Ok. So what's her name?"I ask
"Aditi!" he says triumphantly. He looks like a cute puppy wagging his tail, or a kid who discovered the abilities of a magnet. "It means- free or, freedom. It shows that she has freedom- the freedom we never got. It's an Indian name. "
"You like it?" he asks. He seems nervous.
Freedom…..Marlene, Will – they'd be alive today if they'd had the power of freedom. They lost their lives at the hand of the simulation serum, which controlled them. They would be alive if they had freedom. Freedom means: the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants.
I smile. "I love it!"
Christina bustles in. "Wassup, mi amigos?" she says. She has a habit of using other language references, which always lightens the mood. "The others wanted to come, but only one visitor at a time."She says
She comes to me and smiles.
"Hey. What are the words that are gonna be used to single them out as your children?"
I smile. Christina uses these weird sentences to say things- instead of- 'What are their names', she says – 'What are the words that are gonna be used to single them out as your children? ´
"The boy's Caleb and girl's Aditi." I reply
She tilts her head "Aditi? I can understand the name Caleb, but – Aditi?"
"It's from another language. It means freedom." I reply
I look at her -"Do you like it?" I ask
Her eyes lit up. She smiles- "I love the name. It jus'…it means a lot and I love it"
Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you. What light is to the eyes - what air is to the lungs - what love is to the heart, liberty is to the soul of man.
Life is a constant process of dying. Life is not always fair or easy.
The pure and simple truth – is rarely pure, and never simple.
