It was the worst day of my life. And every day that followed was no better. It's curious really, how the worst day of your life may start as any other, I don't remember doing anything out of the ordinary, nor a strange feeling warning me that something terrible and life changing was about to happen that day.
The day my parents died was the worst day of my life, at least until then. It was also the day that I realized that my fairy tale was over. I had been blessed so far with the innocence that comes from never really knowing what it feels like to have your heart broken. I was one of the lucky ones I guess, in my 17 years of life I had not known true pain, true suffering nor true loss. I thought I did, I believed to have known the meaning of a broken heart when my first boyfriend broke up with me when I was 16. I had thought myself in love. I remember coming home crying to my mother after Ben dumped me, and she telling me that this moment too shall pass, the pain too shall pass. And it did.
But how do you move on from losing your parents? How do you move on from this longing for a life that not longer exists? I feel the sadness has become my new eternal companion, like a shadow that no matter how much I try run from, it's always there. This must be the real feeling that comes from having a broken heart.
Though not all is bad my twin sister Elena survived the accident that took my mom and dad´s life, they called it a miracle. For that I will always be grateful, and every time I am with her I try to remember that the pain is not the whole picture. I will be happy again; I am determined to be even if I have to wear a fake smile until I make it.
It's been four months since it happened and today, after one month away with family friends, I'm coming back home to face the music and try to move on, whatever that may imply.
