¶WWF Stars In Their Eyes¶
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters (Vince and WWF do) I also dont own stars in their eyes ( ITV does I think) so review please and dont flame!
Contestants: ChYna = Man! I Feel Like A Woman!, Trish = Barbie Girl, Kurt Angle = Simply The Best, Grand Master Sexay & Scotty 2 Hotty = Sex Bombs, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley = Bitch, Stone Cold Steve Austin = Kumbya, Lita = Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, Terri Saturn = Horny, William Regal = God Save Our Queen, Kane = Goodness Gracious, Great Balls Of Fire, Y2J = Who Let The Dogs Out
Hosts: Matt & Jeff Hardy
Special Guest Appearance: Vince McMahon = Encore Of Stand Back
/Fireworks display hits, smoke fills the arena, flashing lights highlight the ring, which has been transformed into a big stage with lights running to it from the walkway, the titantron has been replaced with huge doors and they swing open to reveal.../
Matt: Hi, and welcome to this weeks WWF Stars In Their Eyes! I'm Matt Hardy, the sexy one outta the two.
Jeff: And I'm Jeff...THE PSYCHO!
Matt: Yeah Jeff, good for you! ANYWAY, back to this weeks show.
Jeff: LET ME TALK! I wanna line!
Matt: Okay Jeff!
Jeff: YAY! Erm...let me think!
Matt: /Murmuring/ Jeff look at the God damn script!
Jeff: What...OH YEAH!!! RIGHT! Wait, is this my line?
Matt: YES!
Jeff: GREAT! Now, Erm, Oh, Right, Yes Well...WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT SAY? WHO WROTE THIS CRAP?
Matt: It says WELCOME YOU IDIOT!!!
Jeff: Does it, it looks more like weathering to me!
Matt: WELL ITS NOT! ITS WELCOME YOU GOD DAMN FOOL!
Jeff: /Looking scared/ Oh yeah, hey, who pissed in your pool?
Matt: YOU DID! WHEN WE WERE EIGHT! Now, BACK TO THE GOD DAMN SHOW! SAY YOUR LINE!
Jeff: What...OH! Welcome! We have a great line up this week. First of all this week is the sexy, sultry, scantily-clad Trish Stratus!!!
/Audience goes wild, the doors swing open, Trish walks out in see-through miniskirt with a thong underneath, very low cut bright pink halterneck top, too much make up and hair in little pony tails, sucking a lollipop./
Trish: Tonight Matt and Jeffykins I'm gonna be a......BARBIE! /Aqua's Barbie Girl song hits, pink lighting flashes everywhere and Trish skips down to the ring-stage starting to sing really slowly and sexily looking at Jeff./
Jeff: WOWZA! LOOK AT THE RACK ON HER! SAUCY!
Trish: /Winking at Jeff, blowing him a kiss./ I'm a Barbie Girl....In a Barbie world....my tits are plastic....my sexlifes fantassssstic....you can brush my hair....undress me everywhere...creation, fantasies about me your imagination!
Jeff: COME ON BABRBIE...LETS GO PARTY!
Trish: Uh, uh, uh, yeah!
Jeff: I said COME ON BARBIE LETS GO PARTY!
Trish: Oo oh, Oo oh!
Jeff: GOD DAMN IT BARBIE LETS GO PARTY! CUT THE MUSIC! /Grabs Trish, much to her delight, and drags her behind the double doors./
Matt: /Looking bewildered./ Ooookay! On with the next contestant...I guess.
Jeff: /Jeff and Trish come out looking very messy and Jeff smeared with pink lipstick all over his face./ WELL! I think she should win.
Matt: As I was saying....Jeff put that away! I DO NOT WANNA SEE THAT...AGAIN! OH GOD! MY EYES! MY POOR LITTLE EYES! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THEM? Hey...I can still see!
Jeff: Hey...Trish liked it. Why don't you?
Matt: Because...I...do...not...DO NOT...wanna...see your God damn penis man! What would dad say?
Jeff: I dunno...MAYBE HE WILL LIKE IT! Cameraman, come here...you judge!
Matt: NO! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO! STAY THERE DAMNIT! Jeff...FOR THE LAST TIME...PUT IT AWAY...NOW!!!
Jeff: Oh...okay, I guess. What's next?
Matt: READ YOUR GOD DAMN SCRIPT! OKAY? NOW! BACK TO THE SHOW! ANYWAY...making that blonde Barbie bimbo look like a side street hooker, and Chris Jericho has evidence which will be played in the locker room to prove that...AFTER THE SHOW /Winking at the cameraman who appears to be Jericho (we hope!)./, its my sexy, gorgeous and ravishing girlfriend...LITA!
Jeff: Hey Matt...WHO STOLE ME SAUSAGE? I SAID...WHO STOLE ME SAUSAGE? WAS IT YOU JERICHO? IT WAS WASN'T IT? What......you want it for what? To put with the BALLS for your presentation later? WHAT THE HELL? What are you getting at here? WHY ARE YOU WINKING AT ME? MATT...WHY IS HE WINKING AT ME?
Matt: Oh grow up! Yes, you too Jericho! Keep quiet about your presentation until later...you know after the show maybe? Anyway, back to Lita.
Lita: /Audience goes wild, the doors swing open, Lita walks out wearing a white low-cut top with an American flag printed on the front, red hotpants with her tell-tale thong showing with red high heel shoes./ Hello Mattypoo and audience..../watching Jeff picking his nose and looking at the contents/ and Jeff /sigh/.
Matt: /Turning to look at Jeff/ Oh for God sake Jeff, just eat it like usual and then lets get back to the show!
Lita: Eww! That is gross! Anyway, BACK TO ME! I am going to sing...Girls Just Wanna Have Fun /Giving a girlie giggle./
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Matt: /With a look of pride on his face./ Well done sweetie!
Jeff: Geeze...get a hobby you love sick puppydog!
Matt: Well at least my girlfriend aint a hooker /Looks at Jericho who nods and gives the thumbs up sign./ and made of plastic!
Jeff: Well at least...HEY...your right! WOW!
Matt: Jeff that isn't a good thing!
Jeff: OH YOUR JUST JEALOUS!
Matt: Sure Jeff! /Looking at Lita then turning back to look at Jeff./ Sure!
Jeff: Our next llllllucky coooooooomdom...
Matt: JEFF!
Jeff: OOPS! That says contestant. Boy I feel silly! Ha ha ha!
Matt: You are silly...and stupid too!
Jeff: AWWW, thats so sweet! You too bro!
Matt: Thanks, you've made my day! /Matt rolls his eyes./ Now before Jeff comes out with anymore nonsense lets welcome our next CONTESTANT /Looking meaningfully at Jeff./ ...ChYna!
ChYna: /Audience goes wild, the doors swing open, ChYna stands there in shirt, tie, skirt and fishnet stockings./ Tonight...boys /Winking at Matt./ I'm going to sing Man! I Feel Like A Woman!
Jeff: WHOAH! WHATS THAT MAN DOING? Shouldn't he be singing Woman! I Feel Like Man?
Matt: Thats ChYna you dork!
Jeff: Yeah...I never understood that! Explain it to me one more time bro.
Matt: /Looking into the camera./ I'm so alone!
Jeff: No your not. Me and Chamambwa are here!
Matt: ITS CHYNA!
ChYna: Lets go girls!
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Matt: PUT THE MOP DOWN! I TOLD YOU...IT ISN'T UP TO ME!
Jeff: Yeah it is Bro, you told me yesterday you'd be running this joint if it wasn't for Vince!
Matt: SHUT UP JEFF! Terri, I told you...you can't sing! OKAY? I mean, think of the poor audience!
/ Perry looks dangerously close to sticking the mop up a part of Matt where the sun dont shine!/
Matt: Okay big guy, PUT THE MOP DOWN! Err...I guess she can sing!! But make it quick, WE HAVE SLIGHTLY TALENTED PEOPLE STILL TO SEE!
Terri & Perry: YAY!
Terri: Tonight Matt and Jeff...
Matt: JUST GET ON WITH IT!
Terri: Fine! I will sing Horny seeing as I am the WWF She Devil!
Jeff: /Whispering to Matt./ You got that one right!
Matt: /Nodding his head./ DEFINITELY!
/Terri shoots them both an evil look and starts singing. Matt and Jeff both whip out some ear plugs and stick them in./
*********************************
Matt: That was wonderful! /Sarcasm evident in his voice/
Jeff: Matt what are you talking about? Were we not listening to the same song...THAT WAS CRAP!
Matt: OH GOD! I'm working with monkeys!
Perry & Jeff: Where?
Matt: /Matt rolls his eyes, putting his hand to his head./ Who's next and please...don't make it any worse than this!
Jeff: Matt, you just said that was wonderful! GOD...make up your mind!
Matt: JUST...introduce the next act okay?
Jeff: Ooh, I must have pissed in his pool again!
Matt: /Sighing./ God, please, can you save me from...from...this thing that I have been stuck with for 23 years!
Jeff: Hey...if your referring to dad that isn't very nice.
Matt: STOP TALKING! PLEASE JUST...STOP...TALKING...JUST STOP, OKAY?
Jeff: /Worried./ Um...okay!
Matt: THANK YOU! Now...I think it must be...OH LORD NO! WHY HER NOW?
Jeff: What's wrong with Daddy's Little...wait...Daddy's Ex Little Princess.
Matt: SHE HAS A NAME...unfortunately! Lets give a big warm welcome to...pain and suffering ...NO.../Smiling cheesy through gritted teeth./ I mean lets welcome Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley!
Jericho: /Coughing behind his hand every time he talks./ BITCH! SLUT! DOG! WHOARE! ASS-CLOWN!
Matt: Indeed!
Jeff: HEY! I didn't know you were a fan of Funaki!
Matt: How long did the silence last this time Jeff?
Jeff: ERM...I DUNNO!
Stephanie: HOW DARE YOU BE SO RUDE? MY NAME IS STONE...WAIT...MY NAME IS SRTEPHANIE MC...
Jericho: SLUT!
Stephanie: WHAT? Stephanie McSlut who?
Jericho: Yes...I would like a Stephanie McSlut with lots of sauce on top!
Stephanie: What about slutters? Would someone please tell me what is going on?
Matt: JUST SAY YOUR GOD DAMN NAME BITCH!
Stephanie: Who's a bitch? Me? I'm a bitch...NO I AM NOT! Just because thats what I am singing does not...
Matt: GREAT! Stephanie McSlut is singing BITCH! HIT THE MUSIC...NOW!!!
Jeff: God...give the girl a chance to speak!
Matt: Jeff...stop talking...STOP TALKING RIGHT THS INSTANT!
Jeff: Hey...are we playing a game? HEY...is this like last time when you told me to stop breathing too?
Matt: YES JEFF!
Jeff: COOL!
Stephanie: HEY! PAY ATTENTION TO ME! DON'T MAKE ME CALL DADDY!
Matt: What? You just betrayed your dad, said you wanted him dead and bought ECW you stupid...
Jericho: WHOARE!
Stephanie: Who said that?
Jericho: ME BITCH! Hey...I have a poem! Everyone...listen! Hickery dickery dock, the bitch called Stephanie was sucking me cock, the clock struck two, I squirted me goo, and wiped it all over her Gucci frock! HA HA! Wait, I don't want to be associated with shagging that dog!
Jeff: Where's a dog?
Matt: Jeff...think about it! What was Jericho's poem about?
Jeff: OH...HA HA HA! SO ITS ABOUT JERICHO...I don't get it still!
Matt: Is he really my brother? GOD I HOPE NOT!
Stephanie: I'm going to sing now, all listen! /Audience starts talking while Matt, Jeff and the camera crew all argue and talk themselves./
Stephanie: I'm a bitch, I'm a...
Matt: Oh god, let the torment begin...
*********************************
Stephanie: THANK YOU! THANK YOU VERY MUCH! YOU WILL BE ABLE TO BUY IT ON THE WWF VOLUME 6 ALBUM WHICH IS COMING VERY SHORTLY AND YOU...
Matt: NO STEPH! STEPH! STOP! You are going to ruin our sales!
Jeff: I actually enjoyed this performance and I have already pre-ordered my copy /Winking at Stephanie./
Stephanie: Eww!
Jericho: /Leaning over to Matt./ I bet she's had him too!
Matt: GOD DAMN IT! THATS MY BROTHER! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
Jeff: What, just because I'm sexy! Girls Dig Us man!
Matt: Yep Jeff, keep telling yourself that!
Jeff: I will, like always!
Matt: Well at least he enjoys his life.
